


Happy Pills

by thundercatsarego



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-10-17 17:16:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10598550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercatsarego/pseuds/thundercatsarego
Summary: After nursing an injury, Tobin struggles with addiction and her budding friendship with the new team staff member, Christen, is tested. Meanwhile, Christen walks the line of friend, client, and crush as she navigates how to keep herself from falling for the enigmatic midfielder.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Back again with a new story. I wanted to play with timelines for this one so not only will it be changing character perspective, it will also be going back and forth in the sequence of events. The chapters will separate timelines with Tobin's POV in the past, and Christen, the present. The story will start in the middle of everything. This fic deals with addiction so beware if you are triggered by talk of this. I've never personally delt with addiction but have several people close to me who have, and I've seen how taxing and overwhelming it can be. I promise there will be fluff to keep things light, but there will also be a fair amount of drama so just bear with me. Hope you enjoy!

Present Day

It's Friday and Christen mills around her office, organizing files and throwing away old post it note reminders in an attempt to declutter her office before the weekend. When she took the job of "team yogi", she didn't realize just how much paperwork it would entail: everyone's growing list of ailments, preferred recovery methods, special notes on injuries, etc. She thought it would just be some yoga after practice, with a bit of meditation here and there to help their mental game. She didn't realize just how entrenched in the player's lives she would be. Since she was hired, she'd kind of become a "jack of all trades" type that the players went to when they weren't happy with their conventional methods like a physical trainer or sports psychologist. She had grown to take pride in her very granola approach to managing players. As she's putting the finishing touches on straightening out her desk, she hears a knock.

"It's open!" She yells through the closed door.

The heavy wooden door swings open and a familiar lanky brunette leans in the doorway. "Hey Chris. Sorry it's the end of the day, but do you have a second to talk."

Christen looks up from her desk and sees the usually exuberant midfielder looking like she had seen better days. Her tanned skin is pale and hangs from her cheeks, making her already cutting features even more prominent. Her typically muscular body looks waifish from lack of use after tending to a pesky reoccurring injury for the past few months. But most of all, Christen notices the easy-going, carefree air that previously swirled around the girl was suddenly absent.

Concerned, Christen offers the small couch against the wall as she pulls up her desk chair, closing the door as she sits down. "Of course Tobin, what's been going on? Have you heard any news from the doctor? I know I'm not technically your physical therapist, but if there are any exercises we can work on together, I'd be happy to help."

Tobin shakes her head, "No no it's not that. Actually PT is going pretty well. They say I'm pretty much ready to get back into the full workouts again."

Christen smiles at this, expecting a similar reaction from the brunette in front of her, but stifles her reaction when she notices the joy markedly absent from the midfielder's gaunt face.

Tobin walks over sluggishly and falls onto the couch. She rubs her hands together, bent over and looking at the floor as she musters the courage to speak. "There's actually something else's I came here for. So uh, I've had some things going on and I just felt like I should probably talk to someone about it." Tobin's voice wavers and Christen can see her hands beginning to shake.

"Ok. What's up?" Christen leans in, mirroring Tobin's stance. She was worried before, but Tobin's shifty gaze and pained expression has Christen anxious that something more serious is going on.

Tobin takes in a shakey breath and runs her hands through her hair, clearly battling with herself to get the words out. "Fuck--I'm sorry, I didn't really want to involve you in this. We've just gotten so close, and I trust you and I feel like you'll know what to do. I know it's not really part of your job description, but I didn't want to go to coach or anyone on the team cus things have been so tense with all the new players coming in and I didn't want anyone to think the pressure was getting to me..."

Christen nods along, trying to listen and piece together her line of thinking as the midfielder rambles nervously. Tobin inhales deeply and her chest rattles with the start of tears, her throat fighting to stay open and let out the demons resting inside her chest. "It started with taking a few extra pills at night when I couldn't sleep cus of my back pain. Then I started taking more during the day to feel better--I don't know if it was for the pain or not at that point..." Tears make a trail down her cheeks and she tilts her head to rub her face on her shoulder. Her voice is barely audible "Now I can't stop taking them. I need them to get out of bed in the morning or I feel like shit and everything starts rushing back to me and I can't breathe. I'm fucking scared."

Tobin breaks and collapses with her face in her hands, her body shaking as her lungs gasp for air.

Mouth slightly agape in disbelief, Christen watches as the girl falls apart in front of her. Without hesitating, she comes to sit next to Tobin on the couch and runs a comforting hand across Tobin's back. "Tobin, Tobin it's ok. Take some deep breaths with me. Deep breath in and slowly out. In--out. Just like we do in yoga ok." She breathes in deeply in an attempt to model this technique for the sobbing girl under her arm.

After several attempts, she watches as Tobin's breaths become more regulated and the tears leak out slower than before. Tobin wipes her nose across the sleeve of her shirt and Christen lunges to grab the box of tissues on her desk, placing them in front of the still emotional girl.

Once Tobin begins to calm, Christen speaks tentatively, "So how long has this been going on?"

Tobin sighs, eyes still glued to the floor "It's been bad the past couple months. I thought I had it under control, but when the doctor told me to start tapering off the meds, I couldn't. I needed it."

"So then how did you get more?"

"I went to another doctor and had him write me a prescription at a different pharmacy so the team doctor wouldn't know. I know, pathetic right?" Tobin shakes her head at herself, the tears starting to dry up, now replaced with a simmering anger.

Christen hums and nods along to Tobin's outpouring, trying to remain as supportive as possible so as not to deter the woman from purging her thoughts. "So what made you want to talk about it?" Christen asks carefully.

"The team doctor cleared me to play, but I can't perform like this. I'm not even close to where I was six months ago. I'll get kicked off the team for sure if I don't fix this. Soccer's too important for something so stupid to ruin it. I need soccer more than I need this drug." She tappers off as if confessing these words to herself for the first time, realizing their weight.

Christen can hear the distress and frustration in Tobin's voice as she offers her self-analysis of the situation. Christen is always amazed by people's ability to have so much self-awareness, but so little self-compassion.

Christen mulls over every piece of information Tobin laid out, hoping she'll be able to support the woman somehow. "Ok, so what I'm hearing is that you think you might be addicted to your pain medication."

Tobin nods "I know I am." She whispers shamefully.

Christen continues to clarify, "And you want to stop taking the pills so you can play soccer again the way you used to."

Tobin nods again silently.

"Ok. Have you thought about going to some kind of rehab program? I could maybe ask around for one that's discrete and..."

Tobin cuts her off "No I can't miss trainings and I can't risk the team knowing I was in rehab for this. I have to do this on my own."

Christen's brow furrows sympathetically. "Tobin, I don't know if that's the healthiest route to go. Detoxing can be dangerous. You need to be monitored by a doctor."

Tobin shakes her head aggressively "I'm not going to a hospital. It's too risky. I'll find a way to do it on my own."

Christen sighs in defeat, knowing Tobin won't budge on her stance. A moment of silence passes as Christen racks her brain for another solution. "Ok, I hear you. Well, the team has 3 more days left of training and then a week off. How about this, in the next three days, let me hold onto your pills and we'll try and tapper you off a little before the end of training and then once training is over, it's cold turkey. I'll come stay with you for the week and help you through the detox process. But Tobin, you have to promise that if things start getting bad you'll let me take you to the hospital. I'm not letting you risk permanent damage to your body for this. We'll do it your way unless it gets dangerous ok? Do we have a deal?"

Tobin swallows hard and eventually nods her head in agreement.

"Ok, where do you keep your pills?"

Tobin opens her backpack sitting at her feet and takes out a large bottle, handing it over to Christen. "Is this the only bottle you have?" Christen questions firmly.

Tobin nods in confirmation.

"How many were you usually taking a day?"

"Uh, I'm not sure, maybe 8 or 10." Tobin croaks out.

Christen nods, thankful that at least it wasn't as bad as it could have been. She takes the bottle from Tobin and puts it next to her on the coffee table. "Ok that's going to be cut in half tomorrow." Christen pops the lid off the top and hands a single pill over to Tobin. "This has to last you the night."

Tobin looks at Christen with wide eyes. Her mouth opens to protest, but she recoils before she says anything and merely takes the pill, shoving it into her pocket.

Christen puts her hand on Tobin's knee, understanding how difficult the coming days will be. "Thank you for telling me Tobin. I know I technically work for the team, but I feel like we've become good friends and I really care about you. I'm glad you trust me with this. If you need anything at all tonight, just call alright. I know it's going to be tough but I'll be here with you ok?"

The two stand up from the couch as Tobin attempts to straighten out her clothes and fix her messy bun.

Tobin's slouching shoulder shrug as she takes one final breath to punctuate the exhausting emotional deluge. As they stand next to each other, she brings her eyes up from the ground for the first time and looks at Christen. Her eyes are red and swollen from burning tears, but a glimmer of hope shines through as she offers a closed mouth smile to Christen, meeting her gaze. "Thanks Chris, for everything."

Christen's caught off guard when Tobin wraps her arms around her waist and brings her into a tight embrace. Christen hesitantly brings her arms up to wrap around Tobin's shoulders, feeling a little more comfortable as she lets her body relax into the woman. Tobin doesn't seem to notice her hesitation as she buries her face into the crook of Christen's neck, letting out a deep sigh of relief.

They stand motionless in their embrace for a few moments and it isn't until Tobin shifts backward a bit that Christen realizes her fingers had been playing with the hairs on the back of Tobin's neck.

Finally backing away, Tobin smiles a little more convincingly at Christen and grabs her bag. "I'll call you if I need anything."

With that, Tobin disappears behind the door, leaving Christen to her own devices. Christen falls to the couch again, feeling drained and overwhelmed by everything that just happened. She grabs the bottle of pills left behind on the small coffee table in front of her and inspects them, wondering how such a tiny unassuming thing can completely turn someone's life inside out.

 


	2. I can see your boner from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their first meeting...

6 months earlier Tobin's POV

"Breath in...hold...and out. Try to focus on your breathing. Don't think about your grocery list or that pass you missed in practice today. Let it go. Focus on your breaths."

Tobin sits on a yoga mat with her legs crossed trying to keep her mind clear, but the new new instructor the team hired was making it very hard to concentrate. Tobin keeps opening her eyes to steal glances at the instructor as she walks around the training room, admiring her toned body covered only by a layer of spandex, leaving little to the imagination. But that didn't stop Tobin's imagination from running with it.

With her eyes peaking open again, she hears a throat clear next to her and turns her head to see Allie giving her a pointed look, clearly having caught Tobin staring.

"Ok, everyone, we're going to end there. Thank you for your patience and your focus today. I'll see you after practice Wednesday." The tanned woman smiles at the room, accepting handshakes and congratulations from members of the team for being offered the job as they file out. Tobin watches as her smile lights up the room, enchanting everyone around her. No wonder the training staff loved her so much.

As everyone trickles out, Tobin hangs back a little, rolling up her mat multiple times to try and look like she wasn't just waiting around to have the woman alone, even if that was completely her intention. After her third or fourth roll, the woman walks over and crouches down next to her. "You need any help with that? I have an extra strap in my bag to keep it rolled up. It's pretty convenient." She offers.

Tobin fumbles again with the mat. "No that's ok, I think I'll manage. Thanks though. I'm Tobin by the way." She extends her hand, still kneeling on the floor.

"Christen. Glad to have officially met." They take hands and shake briefly. As they stand up, Tobin shoves her now unfurling mat into her backpack haphazardly, shaken up a little by how beautiful and confident the woman before her is. "So uh, how are you liking the new job?" Tobin asks in an attempt to drum up conversation.

"I like it here. Everyone is super nice and I mean, technically it's only a part time gig, but I do private instruction too outside of this. I just couldn't pass up such an interesting opportunity you know?" She says as she begins packing up her equipment.

"Yeah this is a pretty unique environment." Tobin chuckles, thinking of all the shenanigans that go on in this locker room and how it may look to an outsider.

"Well I'm excited to get to know everyone and get into the groove with people. With any group there's always a period of feeling each other out and figuring out their strengths and what they might need to work on. Some people complain about poses, other people can't keep their eyes closed during meditation, it's a learning curve." Tobin doesn't miss the wry smile Christen gives her at this comment, a not so subtle hint that she had indeed caught Tobin staring at her during the session. Tobin's cheeks flush a little from embarrassment of being caught.

Christen continues. "Anyway, I'm glad the program took a chance with me. I know I'm not really a conventional member of the staff, but hopefully I bring something unique to the table."

Tobin nods in agreement "I mean, yeah. With all the injuries we've been having lately, we needed something to change because obviously our current situation wasn't working." Tobin offers.

Christen hums and grabs her bag from the floor, swinging it over her shoulder. She sweeps her hands over her tight ponytail, smoothing the flyaways as she takes one final look around the room. "Well I think I'll like it here so hopefully I'll get to stick around."

They stand in a moment of silence, eyes locked as Tobin tries to come up with something, anything, to break the silence between them. Finally, Christen beats her to it. "Well, I'll stop rambling. You probably want to shower and get out of here after such a long practice." Christen offers a shy smile. "It was nice to meet you Tobin. I'm sure we'll be getting to know each other a lot better as the season goes on."

"I hope so." Tobin blurts out before she realizes how flirtatious it sounded. But Christen doesn't seem to mind, she just offers Tobin another infectious smile and gives her arm a gentle squeeze as she walks past Tobin toward the exit.

"Have a good night. See you Wednesday." Christen strides out the door toward the parking lot. Tobin watches the woman disappear as the door closes behind her, unexpectedly entranced from their interaction.

"Earth to Harry." She hears, pulling her out of her own head. "I know she's hot, but keep it in your pants. I can see your boner from here." Allie teases.

"Shut up. We were just talking. I wanted her to feel welcome." Tobin defends herself.

"Sure sure, whatever you say. All I know is that you were definitely not thinking about your breathing during that meditation exercise."

Tobin shoves the blond sending her sideways a few steps. "Hey watch it. Isn't yoga supposed to chill you out?" Allie asserts.

Tobin rolls her eyes and sees that Allie is pleased with her ability to get under Tobin's skin. Tobin tries to change the subject. "Come on, lets just shower and grab something for dinner."

"Better make it a cold shower." Allie quips

Tobin glares at her teammate "Allie..."

"Alright alright, last comment, promise." She says with her hands up in defense.

They walk out of the training room toward the showers and Tobin can't help but think about the beautiful woman and the next time she'll get to see her clad in spandex. Maybe a cold shower isn't such a bad idea after all.


	3. Sweat it out

Present Day

When Christen gets home, she can still feel her heartbeat thumping loudly in her chest. She throws her bag on the ground near the door and plants her arms on the nearby kitchen counter, steadying herself as she takes in some deep breaths in an attempt to follow her own advice and calm herself down. The short drive home did little to help ease her nerves as she ruminated about Tobin. How could she have missed something so huge like this.

She thought back on their last sixth months of friendship, trying to pinpoint any moment or fleeting comment that may have alluded to Tobin's struggles, but Christen could think of no such instance. Every time she saw the woman, she was happy, bright, without a care in the world. Her positivity was infectious. That couldn't have been the drugs this whole time, that was the real Tobin, the Tobin she knew and adored. There had to be something else driving this.

Christen sighs, relenting to her restless thoughts, knowing that time will tell and the truth will eventually come out. She turns to her kitchen and opens the refrigerator, grabbing a tupperware container full of dinner from the night before, too tired to try and cook anything tonight. As she waits by the microwave to heat her food, her phone starts buzzing against the stone countertop.

She picks it up swiftly and answers. "Hello?"

"Hey Chris, it's Tobin. I uh--you told me to call if I needed anything."

Ignoring the beeping appliance next to her, Christen paces in the kitchen with her phone pressed tight against her ear. "Yeah, what's going on? Are you ok?"

Tobin's voice is small and quiet on the other end. "Yeah I'm ok, I mean, I'm a little nauseous I guess but I was kind of expecting that."

"Do you need me to come by or bring you some soup or anything. You need to eat something." Christen offers.

"No. That's ok. Um actually, I was kind of wondering if... fuck, forget it. It's stupid." Tobin admonishes herself

Christen quickly cuts in, desperate to keep the brunette on the line. "No no! Tobin, it's not, I promise. What do you need? I'm here."

There's a long pause on the other end as Christen waits for Tobin to respond. "I just--my place reminds me of using and I think I would feel better if I was somewhere else tonight."

Christen first thinks to offer to get Tobin a hotel room, but knows what Tobin is really asking for. "Tobin, do you want to come stay at my place tonight? It's small, but the couch is pretty comfortable. You might want to bring some extra pillows or something..." Christen trails off, unsure how to extend this invitation.

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I just, I can't be here--alone." Tobin's voice falters and all Christen wants to do if crawl through the phone to the other side and wrap her arms around the girl protectively. For now, she'll have to settle for reassuring words. "Whatever you need, I'm happy to help. Are you headed over now?"

She hears shuffling on the other end "Uh, yeah. I'm just packing up an overnight and some gear for tomorrow and then I'll head over ok?"

"Ok sounds good. Do you need me to send my address?" Christen questions

"No I think I remember where it is." Christen could swear she could hear a slight smile in Tobin's voice.

"Ok, I'll see you soon."

"Bye, see you soon."

Dropping the phone from her ear, Christen surveys her apartment and gets to work cleaning up the dirty dishes in the sink, picking up clothes off of the bathroom floor, and pulling out clean sheets and towels from her hallway closet. Her apartment isn't immaculate, but she wants it to be at least somewhat tidy for her guest.

Several minutes later, there's a knock on the door and she pulls it open quickly. Tobin stands in the doorway in a SnapBack, tshirt, and joggers with a backpack over her shoulders and a team issue duffle bag in her left hand. "Hi. Thanks for letting me come over." Tobin offers.

"Of course, it's no big deal. I'm glad you found the place again ok." Christen says as she escorts Tobin inside.

"It would be hard to forget this place after such a good night the last time I was here." Tobin says, her voice laced with a melancholy tone.

Christen smiles to herself, thinking back on the memory. She shakes herself from her thoughts and takes Tobin's bag from her hand. "Here, why don't we put your stuff over here and we'll get you all situated."

Christen leads them into the small living room and sets the bag by the couch.

"I have some sheets and blankets to put on the couch when you want to sleep. There's a fresh set of towels in the bathroom if you need to shower. Have you eaten anything? We could order some sandwiches or something easy like that."

Tobin waves her hands in front of her. "No, I'm ok, you've done too much already. I'm not feeling super hungry anyway. This is perfect. Thank you."

Christen thinks about pressing the subject, but lets it go, not wanting to overwhelm the brunette. They stand next to the couch wordlessly, shifting their weight from one foot to the other, both unsure where to go from here.

"So other than nauseous, how do you feel?" Christen asks gingerly.

"I kind of just want to lie down and watch a movie or something. It might help me take my mind off of things." Tobin suggests.

"Uh yeah, definitely. I have Netflix on my tv or we can buy a movie on iTunes or something." Christen springs into action, turning on her tv and sifting through the menu to try and find suitable entertainment.

"Whatever you want. I'm not picky." Tobin says, removing her hat and shoes as she makes herself comfortable on the couch.

Christen sits on the opposite end, scrolling through movies, ultimately landing on Forrest Gump. She presses play and sinks into the couch watching the opening sequence.

"I love this movie. Good choice." Tobin states from the other side of the couch.

"Thanks." Christen smiles at Tobin, glad she had pleased her. Tobin flashes a smile back at her and brings a pillow up to her chest, wrapping her arms around it.

A little later into the movie, Christen looks over to see how Tobin's fairing. She looks a little paler than normal and a light layer of sweat lines her forehead, though the girl shivers beneath the pillow. Christen leans over Tobin, grabbing the blanket that sits beside her.

"Here." Christen drapes the blanket over Tobin's body. "Do you want to lie down?" She offers, patting the spot on her lap.

Tobin's eyes are weary as she nods her head, placing the pillow she'd been clutching onto Christen's lap before resting her head there.

Christen waits for the girl to adjust beneath the blanket and lets her hands fall on Tobin's head and shoulder. She runs her fingers through the slightly damp hair of Tobin's head in an attempt to lull the girl into relaxation as she fights through the early stages of withdrawal. She feels Tobin sigh beneath her and watches as Tobin's eyes flutter shut.

Several minutes later, Christen has completely forgotten the movie and has her eyes glued to the rhythmic rise and fall of Tobin's sleeping body. Her fingers still stroke the silky brunette hair absentmindedly as she thinks that even in this state, Tobin looks just as beautiful as ever. She lets her mind wander to all the times she had admired the girl, not only for her stunning appearance, but for her personality as well. They couldn't be more different on the surface, but beneath the layers, they share a common core of beliefs that Christen can't help but be drawn to like a magnet.

She'd spent so much energy the past several months willing herself not to fall for the woman, but she let herself slip every once in a while and taste what it could be like to be with her. She struggled to keep their relationship platonic and keep the line of instructor and client clear, but the more time they spent together, the harder it got. She tried not to let it affect their working relationship, but she found herself stealing glances or spending a few extra moments correcting her poses during yoga. She'd let her hands linger a moment longer on Tobin's waist as she helped align her hips or straighten her back. She'd watch her chest rise and fall as she sat in meditation. But she never allowed her mind to wander too far, always reeling it in before it got to be too much.

But now, sitting with Tobin's head in her lap, in the most fragile and vulnerable state she'd ever seen the woman, Christen's heart breaks a little at the thought that she can't kiss away her troubles and wrap herself around the girl every night, whispering that everything will be just fine. Saddened by this thought, Christen purses her lips and slowly shimmies her way from beneath Tobin's head, careful not to disturb her. She grabs the remote to clicks the television off and switches off the sole light of the kitchen that had been illuminating the apartment.

In the darkness, she creeps toward her room, grabbing her phone from her pocket to illuminate her way. As she turns the knob to her bedroom door, she hears a coo from the living room. "Goodnight Chris."

Christen smiles to herself at the sweetness in her voice. "Goodnight Tobin."

****

The next morning, Christen wakes to find Tobin still splayed out on the couch. The sheets had been balled up and kicked to the end of the couch as Tobin slept in her sports bra and joggers. Her chills must have broken in the middle of the night.

Trying to be as quiet as she can, Christen makes her way into the kitchen and fills her kettle to boil some water for her French press. She places it on the burning stove as she busies herself with the rest of her morning ritual. She cuts up a banana and retrieves some yogurt from the fridge, mixing them in a bowl together.

She carries the bowl into the living room, surveying Tobin's sleeping body, wondering if she should wake her or just let her rest and call in to coach and let her know Tobin would be missing practice.

Before she has another moment to consider this, the forgotten tea kettle in the kitchen begins whistling loudly to signify that it's done brewing. Christen rushes into the kitchen to quiet the noisy appliance, but it's too late. By the time she turns off the heat and moves the kettle to another burner, she hears Tobin rustling around in the other room.

She quickly pours the boiling water into the French press, hoping the smell of fresh coffee will be a small consolation for the rude awakening. Christen pops back into the living room to apologize for the noise and immediately notices Tobin's state. Her eyes are rimmed with dark circles and her skin looks like wax against her skeleton. Her hands tremble as they reach for the glass of water in front of her to parch her chapped lips.

Christen doesn't have to ask, but she does anyway. "How are you feeling."

"Like shit. I can feel my heart beating in my ears, my skin is crawling, I want to throw up but I haven't eat since lunch yesterday." Tobin's voice is raspy and laced with sleep, but clearly agitated.

"I know, this is the hard part. I'm gonna give you a pill now and that will help with some of the withdrawal symptoms, but you'll still probably feel pretty awful since you're body isn't used to running with so little of the drug in your system. Just a fair warning." Christen cautions.

Tobin nods vigorously. "Please, anything. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

The desperation in Tobin's voice reminds Christen of the gravity of the situation and is likely foreshadowing things to come. Christen walks into her bedroom and retrieves a single pill from her night stand, bringing it back to Tobin who pops it in her mouth and swallows it dry.

"What time is practice today?" Tobin asks as she sits on the couch rubbing her eye with the heels of her hands.

"Tobin, it's ok. I can call coach and tell her you aren't feeling well. You probably shouldn't play in this..."

Tobin interrupts with an abrasive bite to her tone "I asked what time is practice today."

Christen's brow furrows, a little hurt by Tobin's callous attitude. "Um, weight training's at 9:30, break for lunch, then field practice at 1:00."

Tobin stands up and searches the room for her discarded shirt. "And what time is it now?"

"8:00"

Tobin sighs. "Ok, I should be ok by then. Will I be able to have another pill at lunch?"

Christen thinks about the timing of her dosing. "Yeah, I think that should be ok if we keep on this schedule"

Tobin nods and gives up on looking for her shirt, too impatient to find it at the moment. She walks up to Christen and catches Christen off guard by how close she comes to her. She hovers over Christen's shoulder and Christen isn't sure if Tobin's agitation from withdrawal with cause her to do something erratic and lash out at Christen for withholding her drugs. Instead, Tobin reaches into Christen's bowl of yogurt and plucks out a banana, popping it into her mouth. "Do you have another banana I could eat before practice. I'm going to need something in my stomach."

Still a little shaken from Tobin's unpredictable reactions this morning , Christen fumbles "Uh, yeah. Yeah on the counter. There's coffee there too if you want it."

Tobin walks into the kitchen taking a banana and pouring herself a cup of coffee in the empty mug sitting on the counter. "Thanks. And thanks for last night too. And just everything. You don't have to do this for me."

Christen stops her before Tobin can get any further. "No, stop. I don't mind at all. I just want to see you get better. I want to help."

Tobin simply nods and blows into her steaming coffee. Christen notices the shaking in her hands subside and some of the color returns to her cheeks, indicating the drugs have started their course, but she'll need more soon enough. For now. She enjoys Tobin as her mood lightens substantially and they get to talking about their favorite foods and their morning rituals. It's uncanny how Tobin can switch it on like nothing happened and nothing's out of the ordinary. She just goes about things as if it were any other day. As nice as it is to have her like this, Christen knows this state is temporary and will likely start to dissipate by mid morning. As she stands there watching Tobin get ready for her day of training, she ponders how long it will be before Tobin is like this again without a chemical coursing through her veins.

As she leaves, Tobin swings her bag over her shoulder and offers Christen a swift kiss goodbye on the cheek, thanking her again for the night before closing the door behind her. Christen' fingers come to trace the spot where Tobin's lips left a sheen of chapstick on her cheek.

Before she can second guess herself, Christen swings the door open again and yells down the hall. "Hey Tobin hold on!" She jogs down the hall until she's in front of Tobin.

"What's up?" Tobin asks quizzically.

"I was thinking, well, it might be easier if you just sleep here for the rest of the week. You know, so you don't have to go back to your apartment and I can keep an eye on you and everything." Christen offers, a little breathless as she tries to control her nerves.

Tobin just gives her a mischievous grin. "Oh now you want to have an adult sleep over. What about all those other times I offered?"

Christen's lips curl into a smile and she just shakes her head. Even in such a crazy, fucked up situation, Tobin can't help but tease her.

Hands in her pockets, Tobin gives her a nudge with her with her shoulder. "But seriously, yeah I should probably take you up on that." The small smile on her lips falters as she continues. "I'll want to run home after practice and grab some clothes but I could head over after that."

Christen just nods her head in approval.

Tobin starts backing away down the hall again and eventually turns around to continue toward the elevator. She shouts over her shoulder. "See you at practice Chris."

***

Christen gets to the stadium a little while later. She peeks into the weight room to see if she can spot Tobin. Sure enough she sees the brunette standing in front of the large mirrors using the free weights, looking distracted. While her other teammates are in pairs chatting, or joking with someone nearby, Tobin stands alone, lost in her own world as she brings up the weights rep after rep. As if on cue, Tobin turns her head toward Christen and tilts her head in recognition. Christen offers a small wave and retreats back to her small office space to get ready for the day.

When lunch time rolls around, Christen can hear the players circulating through the hallways on their way to grab a meal. As she's filing away some paperwork, Tobin pops into her office with the now familiar look of desperate anticipation on her face. "Hey Chris. Uh, it's lunch. Is it time for another dose?"

Christen looks at her watch and sees that Tobin's right. "Uh, yeah. Hold on. Why don't you come in and close the door."

Tobin does as she's told and steps inside the small space, closing the door behind her. Christen digs through her purse and pulls out the bottle, retrieving a pill and handing it to Tobin who swallows it without hesitation.

"How are things going?" Christen asks

Tobin shifts on her feet a little, obviously a little uncomfortable. "Ok. I still feel pretty weak and edgy, but the nausea's gotten a little better."

Christen nods "That's good to hear I guess. You gonna go get lunch with the others?"

  
Tobin picks at her fingernails as she comes up with her response. "Nah. I'm not too hungry and I'm not really in the mood to be around a bunch of people at the moment. I have a protein bar in my bag I can munch on." She looks up from her nails sheepishly "Actually, would it be cool if I just hung out in here with you? I won't bother you or anything, I just kind of want to chill out."

Christen smiles "Of course. And don't worry, you're not bothering me. I like the company."

They share a smile and Christen can feel her cheeks starting to flush and her chest tighten at the intimate eye contact they're sharing. Before she lets it get the best of her, she clears her throat and goes back to sifting through paperwork. She watches from the corner of her eye as Tobin sits on the couch and pulls out her phone and a protein bar, taking bites here and there as she scrolls through her phone. It's remains relatively quiet between them during lunch as they busy themselves with their own work, but it's a comfortable silence and it puts Christen at ease.

When she hears the players filing back in down the hallway, Christen sighs as Tobin picks up her bag to leave. "You're doing a yoga session after field practice right?" Tobin asks with her hand on the doorknob.

"Yup. I'll be the one in yoga pants." Christen jokes

"Can't wait." Tobin winks and exits the office, assimilating back into the team as they shuffle down the hall.

***

Practice ends and Christen leads the team in yoga to cool down and recover. Some players take it more seriously than others, but it's a pretty relaxed environment overall. As they finish and start packing up, Christen reminds the team to practice their mindfulness techniques at home and on the pitch to work on being aware of their thinking.

Tobin hangs back as the rest of the team files out and she slowly puts her gear inside her overstuffed gym bag.

"You ready to head home?" Christen asks

"Yeah. I'm gonna run to my place and grab some stuff first but I'll head over after that." Tobin says, looking pretty run down.

Christen can tell the midfielder is coming down again and though she wants to help and make it all go away, she knows that this is just part of the process and she'll be completely detoxed soon.

Christen drives home and waits for Tobin to return, tidying things here and there, folding and refolding blankets as she waits anxiously.

Finally, there's a knock on the door and a sickly looking Tobin stands in the doorway of the apartment.

"How you feeling Tobs?" Christen asks, trying to gauge her current state.

"Not so good." Tobin croaks out, dropping her bag in the doorway and shuffling into the apartment.

"Do you want anything to eat? Are you hungry at all?" Christen offers tentatively, unsure how bad she's feeling.

"No. I think I'm just going to get in the shower and call it a night if that's ok." Tobin doesn't make eye contact as she breezes by Christen and retreats into the bathroom.

With the shower running, Christen falls onto the couch and wrings her hands, wondering how long this process will be drawn out. She's pulled from her thoughts when she hears the sound of Tobin retching in bathroom. She gets up immediately and rushes to the bathroom door. "Tobin are you ok?" She calls out frantically through the door.

When she doesn't get a response, she opens the door to find Tobin on her knees, body shaking as she dry heaves on the floor of the shower, water cascading over her bare helpless body.

Christen rushes over and turns off the water and grabs a towel for the shaking girl. "Tobin, hun come here. Lets get you dried off."

She wraps the girl in a towel, brushing her damp hair from her face and drying her skin. She waits as Tobin composes herself long enough to allow Christen to help her get her to her feet and out of the shower. Christen helps her walk into the bedroom and sits her down on the edge of the bed. She rifles through her drawers and pulls out a pair of shorts and a tshirt for Tobin to put on. "Here, you get dressed and I'll go get a pill for you so you feel a little better."

Christen stops in her tracks when Tobin grabs her forcefully by the wrist. "No, I don't want it. This is just going to keep happening until I fight through it. I want it out of my system for good." Despite the rasp in her voice, her words are confident and self-assured so Christen doesn't question her decision, knowing she's right.

"Ok. Ok that's fine. What do you need from me?" Christen pleads

Despondent, Tobin responds lowly "Will you just lay with me? I just want to lie down."

Heart aching for Tobin, Christen nods her head and helps Tobin get dressed and lays her down on the bed. She scoots in behind the brunette and fits her body into Tobin's, wrapping her arm around her small waist. "Is this ok?" Christen asks hesitantly.

Tobin just hums and presses her body further into Christen. After several minutes, the girl's thumping heart slows and her breathing regulates to a steady rhythm as sleep takes over her frail body. Christen, however, lay wide awake, afraid to let herself drift to sleep for fear of what might happen as Tobin's body expels the toxins from her system.

As she ruminates, she draws circles on Tobin's skin with her fingers, a soothing technique more for her sake than Tobin's. "What am I gonna do with you?" She whispers aimlessly into Tobin's damp hair.


	4. Here's to alcohol

5 months prior

Music blasts from the speakers as Tobin and her teammates jump around the locker room dancing and celebrating their victory, adding another win to their record.

"Dude if we can keep this up, we could have our best season yet! Championship here we come!" Allie yelled in Tobin's ear

"I know! Fuck, We can't lose!" Tobin's cheeks ache from smiling so wide but she can't help letting herself feel this euphoria, this feeling of invincibility, like nothing could bring her down.

Suddenly, Allie whistles to get everyone's attention and the music quiets. She hops up on a bench and peers down at her teammates "Hey who's down for some celebrating tonight? Captain's buying!" The team cheers and Allie gives Tobin a sly grin. Tobin just rolls her eyes and goes along with it, knowing that after one round, people will forget the promise of free booze and start buying each other shots anyway.

The team showers and put on their street clothes before trickling out of the locker room in pairs and trios to head to their usual bar. As Tobin's finishing packing up, she sees Christen picking up discarded water bottles and used prewrap in an attempt to clean up the messy room.

Tobin looks around and grabs a nearby trash can, picking up bits of trash as she brings it toward Christen.

Christen tosses her collection of items in the bin and brushes her hands together. "Thanks Tobin, you really don't have to do that. I got it. You should be out celebrating with your team."

"You should be too." Tobin responds quickly. "Come on. Come out with us. I'll buy you a drink." Tobin pleads, trying to persuade her.

"You're buying everyone a drink." Christen teases dryly.

"Yeah but I'll buy you your own special drink. Come on, please? For me?" Tobin shoots her the saddest puppy dog eyes she can muster and watches as Christen rolls her eyes and relents.

"Ok. One drink. I can't be getting wasted with you guys." Christen concedes.

"Why not? Getting drunk with us is fun."

Christen just gives her a pointed look.

"Yeah yeah, your body is a temple, blah blah blah." Tobin mocks.

The skin of Tobin's arm stings as Christen flicks her hard. "Your damn right my body is a temple. I rely on my body to make a living so I treat it with the respect it deserves."

Tobin smiles playfully. "I could treat your body like a temple."

This earns her another swift flick of the arm. "Watch it Heath, your pushing your luck."

Tobin would worry that she had crossed a line, but the sneaky half smile that Christen's trying, and failing, to hide gives her away, letting Tobin know Christen's taking it all in good fun.

Tobin swings her duffle bag over her shoulder "Ok, meet you there?"

"See you there." Christen confirms, waving as Tobin exits the locker room.

***

The bar is dark and noisy as Tobin enters. She doesn't have to look hard to spot her teammates, in fact, she hears them before she sees them.

"Tooooobin!"

Allie and Mana emerge from the crowd and come to pull Tobin farther into the bar.

"We thought you were going to ditch us!" Mana chastises.

"Yeah, I thought the heavens had parted and you finally got Christen to go home with you." Allie snickers.

"Shut the fuck up Allie." Tobin sneers.

"Oh, I think you hit a soft spot there Allie." Mana jokes, poking Tobin with her finger like the pilsbury dough boy.

Allie raises her hands up in defense. "Hey it's not my fault Tobin's got the hots for her and won't do anything about it."

Tobin scoffs. "I do not!"

Allie gives her a knowing look. "Oh, so it's just a coincidence that you suddenly love going to our recovery sessions? We used to have to bribe you with peanut butter cups to come to those, especially yoga!"

Tobin rolls her eyes. "I just want to start taking better care of my body. That's it."

Allie leans over to Mana and nudges her in the ribs. "I think she wants someone else to take care of her body."

Getting flustered, Tobin's voice raises "No, I will be taking care of my own body. I can do it myself!"

Suddenly she hears laughter from behind her "I'm glad you can take care of yourself Tobs, but are you sure you want to be announcing that to everyone in the bar? Could be taken the wrong way. People in bars tend to have their mind in the gutter." Christen teases.

Tobin would come back with a snappy rebuttal, but her jaw won't come up from the floor. Tobin had only ever seen Christen in her work out clothes, hair up, no makeup, but still thought she was beautiful. Now, seeing her done up like this, she think she may have a heart attack. Christen stands behind her in a short black sundress and strappy sandals, showing off her long, lean legs. Her hair is curled and pulled to one side, and her bright green eyes are accentuated by perfectly done makeup. Tobin has to remind herself to breath.

It turns out Allie and Mana were equally impressed. "Damn Christen! Looking good! Being the voice of the heterosexuals here, I gotta say, you're making me question some things looking like that."

Christen blushes. "Oh, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to wear. I feel kind of overdressed."

"Nah. I just hope you don't mind every pair of eyes on you. I guarantee you won't be buying any of your own drinks tonight." Mana adds.

"Speaking of. Toby, you owe us booze!" Allie announces and pulls her toward the bar. At this point, Tobin's glad to get dragged away from Christen's gravitational pull so she can finally take a breath.

Allie orders a round of shots for everyone (putting it on Tobin's tab) and clinks her glass with Tobin. "Here's to alcohol. May it forever make it easier to talk to pretty girls."

Tobin downs the shot quickly, thinking how she'll need a few more of these if she's going to be able to talk to Christen tonight.

***

With a decent buzz going, Tobin does her rounds through the bar, talking to different groups of teammates and congratulating them on a good game. After her rounds, she lands at the bar once more, leaning against the wooden countertop as she waits for a bartender to come over.

Unexpectedly, she gets bumped in the hip. "Hey you." Christen sidles up next to her and leans against the bar on her forearms.

"Hey. Are you having a good time?" Tobin asks, finally able to form words around the stunning woman.

"I am, thanks for inviting me. I do have one complaint though." Christen suggests.

Tobin's brow furrows in concern "Oh? What's that?"

"Someone offered to buy me my own special drink tonight and I still haven't gotten it." Christen smirks.

Tobin grins "Oh man, what a jerk to promise a drink and not come through with it." She lets out a brief laugh. "What are you having?"

Christen ponders her options for a second. "I have a suggestion. How about I trade in my drink for a dance."

Tobin's heart starts suddenly beating faster in her chest. "With me?" Tobin questions incredulously.

Christen rolls her eyes playfully. "No with the old biker guy in the corner. Yes with you!"

Tobin rubs the back of her neck with her hand looking around the room for something, anything, to suggest instead of dancing. "Chris, I don't really dance too much."

This doesn't deter Christen as she grabs Tobin's hand and pulls her toward the dance floor. "Well you're dancing with me tonight. It's ok, I'll go easy on you." Christen offers Tobin a wink.

They start out facing each other, keeping a fair amount of distance between them as Tobin awkwardly sways to the beat of the music. "Come on, loosen up. You look like somebody died." Christen takes a step toward Tobin and grabs her hands, pulling her closer.

"I just don't really know what I'm doing" Tobin says, leaning into Christen's ear.

"I'll help you. Here, just follow me." Christen takes Tobin's hands and puts them on her hips, wrapping her own arms around Tobin's shoulders. "Just do what I do."

Tobin's senses switch to overdrive as she feels the heat of Christen's body radiating onto her own. She's engulfed in the scent of Christen's perfume, and her hands sweat against to fabric of Christen's waist. She's mesmerized by the way Christen's hips sway to the rhythm of the song and how fluently she moves beneath Tobin's hands.

"That's it, show me what you got Heath. You're not all talk are you?" Christen challenges. Tobin knows she's being manipulated, but her competitive streak takes over and she's suddenly motivated to put in more effort.

She clutches Christen's waist a little tighter as she mirrors Christen's movements, trying not to think about the ball of nerves in her stomach or the tightness in her chest.

She dances more comfortably after a while, allowing the alcohol in her system to give her the confidence she needs to keep going. Before she can get too comfortable, Christen spins around, pressing her back into Tobin's front. Tobin can feel Christen's ass slowly rocking into her hips to the beat of the song, and she has to remind herself to keep breathing. Christen places her hands over Tobin's as they rest on her hips and they continue to dance closer and closer.

When the song ends, Christen spins back around and Tobin immediately misses the contact, wanting to feel Christen's perfect body against hers again.

Christen backs up to look Tobin in the eyes. "That wasn't so bad now, was it?" Christen says with a glint in her eye, suggesting she may have known what she was doing to Tobin.

Tobin swallows the lump in her throat. "No, that was fun. Thanks for putting up with my two left feet." Tobin jokes, trying to break the tension she feels.

Christen smiles at this, "Nah, you weren't too shabby. Thanks for dancing with me."

"Yeah--any time." Tobin says shyly.

Christen smirks. "I might take you up on that."

They stand on the edge of the dance floor holding each other's gaze for what seems like hours, but Christen's eyes are pulled away when her phone lights up in her hand. She looks down at the screen and sighs. "It's getting pretty late. I should probably get going. I have an early morning private session tomorrow and I probably shouldn't come in smelling like a bar. That wouldn't be very Zen of me."

"Oh, yeah totally. Uh, do you need a ride home or anything? I can order an Uber for you." Tobin asks in an attempt to delay her departure for just a few minutes.

"No that's ok. I live right around the corner and I didn't drink very much. I should be ok." Christen explains.

Tobin nods her head. "Ok, cool. Will you text me when you get home so I know you got there safe?"

"Yeah for sure. Here, put your number in my phone." She hands over the phone to Tobin who types in her contact information before handing back over to Christen.

She looks at the screen and her smile is illuminated by the bright blue light. "Cool. Well, thanks for inviting me out tonight. I had fun."

Christen surprises Tobin when she pulls her in for a hug. It's brief, but Tobin still enjoys the way her arms wrap tightly around her shoulders as they squeeze her in close.

As she walks away, she turns to offer one last goodbye. "Have a good night. Don't get into too much trouble."

Tobin just smiles and offers her a wave as she watches Christen exit the bar into the night air. As the bar door closes, Tobin takes a deep breath and all the noise and sights of the bar come rushing back into her consciousness. It was as if being with Christen had stopped time and everything around them disappeared in their moments together.

When she snaps back to reality, Tobin looks around the building to take stock of who was left at the bar. Her eyes scan the area and meet the gaze of Allie who has the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on her face as she practically jogs over.

"What the fuck!? What was that Harry?!" She squeals.

"What? I promised to buy her a drink if she came out with us but she wanted to dance instead. I was just trying to be a good friend. We were just having fun." Tobin says unconvincingly trying to defend herself.

"Right. All I'm saying is that good friends don't dance like THAT. We're good friends too, but we've never danced with each other like that. She's definitely into you" Allie reasons.

"What? No. I don't even think she's into women. Did you see her dress and those shoes? Also her nails are pretty long. I don't see it." Tobin deflects.

"Yeah, but has she ever mentioned a boyfriend to you?"

Tobin thinks back on their past conversations for any hint at what her orientation might be. "Huh, come to think of it, I don't think she's ever mentioned dating in general.

"Well, maybe that's because there's nothing to tell and she's single and ready to mingle!" Allie says, jumping up and down in excitement around Tobin.

Tobin grabs the blond by the shoulders and tries to still her. "Alright alright. Hypothetically speaking. IF, she were into women, and IF she liked me, what the hell am I supposed to do about it. There's probably some law or contract agreement or something that says staff and players can't date. That's gotta be a conflict of interests or something."

Allie shrugs. "I mean, players date each other all the time and that seems to be ok. Plus, even if it's not, that might make it even more exciting. Sneaking around. Forbidden love. Oh! You guys will be like Romeo and Juliet!"

Tobin rolls her eyes. "Allie, Romero and Juliet die at the end." She says dryly.

Allie sputters "Oh my god you nerd, you know what I meant. I'm just saying, why not give it a shot. You guys obviously have chemistry together."

Tobin shakes her head. "I don't know, I really want to focus on soccer and the team this season. I have a lot on my plate this year and I don't need any distractions to mess that up."

Allie laughs bemusedly. "Pretty sure you're going to be distracted by her no matter if you do anything about it or not."

Tobin scoffs. "I am not."

Allie throws her hands up dismissively. "Whatever, just don't expect me to clean up your trail of drool as you follow her around all season like a puppy."

Tobin opens her mouth to rebut this, but her phone buzzing in her pocket interrupts her. She unlocks her phone and reads the text from an unknown number.

C: [Hey it's Christen. I made it back to my place safe and sound. Thanks again for inviting me! I had a lot of fun! I hope we do it again soon.]

Tobin smiles as she reads the message and types out her response.

T: [Glad you had fun! I'll definitely hit you up next time we go out. Enjoy your yoga session tomorrow.]

C: [Thanks! Night Tobin]

T: [Night Christen.]

When Tobin looks up from her phone, Allie stands with her arm outstretched toward Tobin, offering her a bar napkin. "For the drool puppy dog."

Tobin swats her hand away "I gotta get going. I'll see you later Harry."

She waves to the blond and her remaining teammates in the back of the bar as she steps out onto the dimly lid street. It's cold and she can see her breath as she makes her way down the empty sidewalk recounting the night.

Thoughts of Christen swirl in her head, but she resigns herself to put them aside, knowing she can't let herself get attached to someone she probably doesn't even have a chance with.

As she walks into her building she thinks to herself; even though she can't date Christen, that doesn't mean she can't still flirt with her, and think about the way she looks in her yoga outfit, and what she'd look like not in her yoga outfit...this is going to be a long season.

 


	5. Never felt better

Christen ends up calling coach the next morning to request the rest of the week off for Tobin, citing a mysterious stomach flu. Luckily,Christen wasn't scheduled to come in for practice either that week and she's able to take care of Tobin as she goes through the ugly reality of withdrawal.

Over the next 72 hours, Tobin cycles through the bathroom, the bedroom, and the couch, alternating between crying, screaming, vomiting, and sleeping. Christen stays patiently by her side, taking the agitated comments and physical maladies in stride, understanding that hitting rock bottom is graceful for no one.

Toward the end of the third day, Tobin gets back her appetite and is able to keep down soup and crackers. The color starts returning to her cheeks and Christen even manages to get a laugh out of her when she trips over the coffee table and spills a glass of water all over herself.

Christen sits at the kitchen table, sending emails to clients to reschedule their private sessions, knowing this week will be a pivotal part of Tobin's recovery that she'll need to monitor. Tobin paces around the apartment, kicking around a mini soccer ball, trying to juggle around an obstacle course of pillows on the ground.

"Tobin, careful with that." Christen reprimands, her eyes peeking over the top of the computer screen.

"But I'm so bored! I've been cooped up in this apartment for three days. Can we go do something? I feel so much better today." Tobin whines.

Christen shoots off her last email and closes her laptop. "You know what, that's not a bad idea. Some fresh air might do you some good."

Tobin smiles and fist-pumps, kicking the ball into a makeshift goal of pillows against the wall with a thud. Christen gives her a pointed look. Tobin winces.

"Sorry. Anyway, I was thinking we could take a walk, go down to the park, get some food or something. What do you think? I'm buying. I owe you big time."

Christen shakes her head. "You don't need to do all that. I was happy to do it. I'm just glad you seem to be feeling better."

Tobin looks a little dejected "So you don't want to go get dinner with me?"

Christen smiles at the sincerity of the woman in front of her. "No, I mean, of course I want to get dinner with you. I just--"

Tobin interjects excitedly. "Cool, then it's a date! I'm gonna go get ready."

Before Christen has a chance to respond, Tobin spins around and heads toward the bathroom to take a shower, leaving Christen with a goofy grin on her face.

"It's a date." She whispers to herself.

The two take turns shuffling in and out of the bathroom as they each get ready for their night out, both enjoying the feeling of getting a little dolled up after the mess that was the past few days. Christen finishes putting the final touches on her makeup and heads into the living room to find Tobin sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone as she waits patiently for Christen.

When she hears the bathroom door shut, Tobin turns her head to look over the couch and sees Christen. She stands up immediately, looking a little flustered. "Chris, wow. You look--just--wow."

"Thanks. You look good too." Christen says, eyeing the tight jeans that show off her muscular legs and the way Tobin's shirt drapes perfectly on her body, hinting at the feminine physique beneath.

Christen's eyes come up to examine Tobin's face and she notices a slight sheen across Tobin's forehead and the way Tobin's pupils are dilated, making her honey eyes a darker shade of brown. Concerned, Christen walks over to Tobin and puts her hand against her forehead, feeling her temperature. "Tobin, are you feeling ok? We don't have to go if you aren't feeling up for it."

Tobin grabs her hand, pulling it off of her face with a chuckle. "Yeah, I've never felt better."

As they stand face to face, Christen notices that Tobin still hasn't let go of her hand. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, Christen clears her throats and pulls her hand away to tussle her hair. "Uh, we should get going. You want a jacket or anything? I'm not sure how cold it's supposed to get tonight."

Tobin smiles. "Nah, you can just keep me warm."

As they meander through the familiar streets, Christen and Tobin walk side by side, pointing out cool shops, discussing the perks of living in this part of town. They get to the park and walk along the river, watching kayakers and other small boats navigating through the frigid water while birds fly overhead, waiting to scavenge their next meal from an unsuspecting tourist. They find a grassy area to sit down on, content to people-watch for a while longer.

"Hey Chris?" Tobin questions, plucking up pieces of grass and tearing them up.

"Yeah?" Christen turns to examine the girl as she continues to be distracted by the ground.

"Why did you take care of me? I mean, I know I came to you for help, but you could have pawned me off on someone else and you didn't. And you stuck around the whole time, even when I was so sick and saying awful things to you."

"Yeah that comment about my poor taste in scented candles while you were hunched over the toilet really hit a nerve." Christen jokes lightly.

Tobin sighs with a sad smile. "You know what I mean."

And it was true. Detox was ugly and painful, and Tobin took out her frustration on Christen at times, directing her anger in mean spirited comments and low blows as her brain recalibrated itself through violent mood swings. Although some of them were horrible, Christen knew not to take them seriously, that it was the drugs talking as they were forced from Tobin's body.

"It's ok. I know that wasn't you talking." Christen offers as comfort, running her hand down Tobin's arm.

"I know, I just wanted to really apologize and thank you for everything you've done for me. I seriously couldn't have done it without you." Tobin picks her head up from the grass and meets Christen's gaze to ensure that Christen knew she was genuinely sorry.

Christen smiles at Tobin and gives her a nudge. "Well, apology accepted. But you still owe me a new candle after you threw that one against the wall. I don't understand how you could dislike the scent of summer breeze!" Christen jokes to lighten the mood.

Tobin laughs. "Ok deal, I'll buy you a new and improved candle. But summer breeze may have to go. It's gonna remind me of that night for a long time."

Christen nods and smiles in understanding.

Taking a deep breath, she stands up and stretches her arms high in the air. "You also owe me dinner if I recall."

Tobin stands up slowly, brushing the dirt from her clothing. "True. Ok, where do you want to go? There's tacos, Italian, Thai..."

Christen shrugs, "Surprise me."

They make their way through the city, zigzagging through the neighborhood until they come upon an unassuming Italian restaurant. It's quaint and not too fancy, the perfect compromise of casual and upscale. A waiter comes by and quickly seats them in a cozy booth in the corner of the restaurant, handing them menus.

"What can I get you ladies to start? A glass of wine maybe?" The waiter suggests in a thick Sicilian accent.

"Oh uh, no wine for me. I should probably steer clear of that for a while. Just some water would be great." Tobin proposes

"I'll have the same. Thanks." Christen follows.

Tobin furrows her brow and looks at Christen incredulously. "You can have a glass of wine if you want. I'm not going to be offended or anything."

"No that's ok. I don't need it to have a good time with you." Christen blurts out before she can say sometime a little cooler. She immediately blushes and her eyes dart down to look at the menu, but when she briefly looks back up, she sees Tobin still staring at her, smiling. "Uh, what look good to you." She asks, trying to ease the tightness in her chest.

Tobin's eyes pour over the menu. "Hm. Ravioli sounds good...but the lasagna looks good too. Everything just sounds amazing."

"What if you order the ravioli and I get the lasagna and we can share." Christen suggests.

Tobin claps her menu shut excitedly. "Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?"

"Not without a heavy dose of sarcasm." Christen responds dryly

'Well you are. No sarcasm intended!"

The waiter comes back and takes their order, leaving them to chat and enjoy each other's company while they wait for their meal. Several other parties sit scattered around the restaurant, talking among themselves, but Christen is too smitten with Tobin to notice as the world around them disappears. Christen's surprised how quickly the food comes out and they eagerly dig into their meals, stealing bites from each other sporadically until their plates are clean.

Leaning back in the booth, completely satiated, the waiter returns and sets a small plate with a piece of chocolate cake and a clean fork between them.

"Oh, we didn't order that." Christen asserts.

"I insist. On the house. It's necessary to celebrate new love." The waiter says in his thick accent.

Tobin and Christen both fumble for words, looking equally confused at each other until Tobin eventually comes up with with a shy "Uh, thank you."

When the waiter turns to check on another table, Christen leans forward, looking wide-eyed at the dessert in front of her. "I'm so full. I don't think I can eat another bite." she groans

"Oh come on. One bite. This has gotta be good." With that, Tobin takes the fork and slices through the cake, scooping up a piece and taking a bite. "Oh my god, you have to try this." she moans.

Seeing Tobin's reaction, Christen relents "Ok ok."

Tobin cuts off another piece and balances the bite on the end as she brings it up to Christen's lips. Christen takes the bite in her mouth, wrapping her lips around the metal prongs, letting Tobin drag the fork from between her lips.

She hums as she chews, bringing her hand up to cover her full mouth. "Oh my god that's really good." Christen gushes.

Waiting for an 'I told you so' or equally pompous response from Tobin, she's surprised to find the brunette looking like a deer in headlights, much like how she looked earlier in the apartment before they left. She watches Tobin swallow thickly and shake her head as if shaking off the cobwebs in her mind

"Uh, yeah. It's good" she offers lamely.

They take several more bites of cake but are unable to finish it since they were so full to begin with. The waiter comes by with the check, and despite Christen's protests, Tobin settles the bill like she said she would. They get up to leave and thank the waiter one last time as they exit the restaurant.

Walking down the familiar street back to Christen's apartment, she notices Tobin shivering slightly in the cool night air. "Are you cold?'

"No, I'll be fine. We're pretty close to your place anyway." Tobin says dismissively.

Ignoring her dismissal, Christen wraps her arm around Tobin in an attempt to shield her from the cold, even just a little bit. Tobin leans into her, accepting this gesture as they amble down the empty sidewalk.

They separate as they make it back to the apartment, their bodies warmed by the blast of hot air streaming from the building, though Christen's skin was already flushed from the contact with Tobin.

As they enter the apartment, Christen takes off her coat and drapes it over a nearby chair at the kitchen table, watching as Tobin paces around the living room. "Uh, I should probably get out of your hair. You're probably getting pretty sick of me by now and need some time to yourself."

Christen's brow furrows in discontent. "No, I'm not sick of you at all! You're welcome to stay as long as you want. I kind of like having the company." she divulges.

Tobin smiles and nods, taking this as an invitation to stay.

"Now lets get into some comfy clothes so this food baby doesn't pop off the button of my jeans." Christen adds.

Donning more comfortable clothing, they sit on the couch together, trying to figure out if they should watch a movie or start a new tv series.

"I don't know, starting a series together is a pretty big commitment. Are you ready to put in that kind of time with me?" Christen jokes.

Tobin grabs the remote from Christen's hand and presses the play button. "If it means I get to spend the next seven seasons crashing on your couch with you, I'm ok with that."

Several episodes in, Tobin is completely focused on the show while Christen's eyes are starting to get heavy. She lets out a yawn and repositions on the couch to get up from her spot. "I think I'm going to head to bed. I'm starting to fade."

"No, come on. One more episode! You can lay here with me." Tobin pleads, stretching out on the couch and patting the empty space in front of her.

Christen bites her bottom lip to stifle her grin and merely nods, nestling herself into Tobin until her back is flush against Tobin's front. Tobin drapes her arm around Christen's waist as she relaxes against the couch.

About midway through the show, Tobin's eyes are once again glued to the tv but her fingers are busy twirling the fabric at the hem of Christen's shirt. Although Christen was tired before, she now lay wide awake, hyper aware of every time Tobin's fingers graze her skin as she swirls her shirt between her fingers.

As Tobin's fingers glide across her exposed skin in an especially sensitive spot, Christen unexpectedly jerks her body and jumps at the contact, letting out a little whimper.

"What? Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" Tobin asks, concerned.

Christen fumbles to regain her composure, "No, you're fine. You just tickled me a little when you were playing with my shirt. I'm kind of ticklish."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't even realize I was doing that. I'll stop." Tobin retracts her hand from Christen's waist.

Christen quickly interjects, her voice a little more desperate than she intended. "No, no! I uh--I kind of like it. It's nice."

"Ok." Tobin puts her hand back in it's previous position and lightly strokes the skin of Christen's stomach and hip. "Is this ok?"

Christen hums and her eyes flutter closed. "Yeah, that feels good"

She lets her mind turn off and her body relaxes to the low flicker of the television and the gentle caresses of Tobin's fingertips. In the twilight of sleep, she can't decipher if the breath against her cheek and the feeling of Tobin's lips against her temple are a dream or not.


	6. Break a leg

4 months prior

Tobin leans with her forehead resting against her locker, arms raised up above her head as she tries to visualize her movements on the field to prepare herself for the game.

"What no headphones?" She hears a familiar voice coo behind her.

Tobin keeps her eyes closed but a smile spreads across her lips as she answers. "No, I like to hear the sounds of the stadium right before the game. Helps me get in the right headspace."

She turns around and opens her eyes to find bright green ones staring back at her. "That makes sense. Just wanted to come over and say good luck." Christen offers with a smile.

"You're not supposed to say good luck, you're supposed to say break a leg." Tobin mocks, earning an eye roll from Christen.

"I thought that was just for theater performances. Besides, breaking a leg is exactly what I don't want to happen. I wouldn't jinx such an essential body part to this team."

Tobin grins mischievously, "Well how about just a 'good game' and a pat on the butt then." She says with a wink.

Christen just shakes her head and lets out a chuckle. "Have a good game Heath. If you win, then maybe you'll get that pat on the butt." Christen turns to walk away and offer words of encouragement to the other members of the team.

"I'll look forward to it." Tobin shouts over the buzz of the locker room.

The staff has the team get ready to enter the stadium and they line up to head through the tunnel. Tobin takes a deep breath, trying to center herself before they walk out. She tries to focus on the game ahead of her, but lingering thoughts of Christen flit in and out of her mind. Allie was right, Christen was going to be a distraction no matter what she did.

***

Sweat drips down Tobin's temple as she lines up the ball for a corner kick. The crowd behind her roars but all she can focus on is the thumping of her heartbeat in her ears, zoning in on the perfect opening as her teammates jockey for position in the box. She sees a flash of red darting toward the box and sends the ball flying toward the near post. The ball lofts over the goalie's outstretched hand and looks like it's going straight for the head of Allie, but is cleared out by a defensive player at the last second, right back to Tobin's feet. She traps the ball and is quickly surrounded by opposing players. She dances on the ball, shaking off one defender and making a run toward the end line, looking for her final pass. Then, as she lifts her head up to pick out her forward, she feels a stinging in the back of her ankle and she goes down. Just as she realizes she's been cleated by the defender, she feels another sting on her lower back. Spikes dig into her skin and twist the muscle around her spine, connecting with bone until the pain is so great she yells out loud enough to cut through the swelling crowd noise.

She lay helplessly on the ground as every nerve in her back is crying out in agony, unaware that her mouth is doing the same. All play ceases and the crowd becomes eerily quiet as they watch Tobin writhe in pain on the grass. The trainers come over immediately with the gurney and try to get her to answer a litany of questions that she can barely process. She wiggles all her fingers and toes and as they try to roll her over onto the gurney, pain shoots up her back like a lightning strike, taking the breath from her lungs. Her teammates stand around her with eyes wide and hands cupped over their mouths as they watch their teammate get carted off the field into the locker room.

Within the confines of the locker room, Tobin's yells reverberate off the concrete walls out of frustration now more than pain. She tosses her cleats angrily at the lockers and rips through the collar of her jersey, knowing she won't be donning it again anytime soon.

The trainers poke and prod at her and ultimately send her to the hospital where they poke and prod at her some more. The diagnosis: contusion on the lower back muscle and minor bone bruising of the L1 vertebrae. Basically, someone stomped she shit out of her back. The treatment: rest, ice for swelling, and more rest. She was given some meds to reduce the swelling and some pain meds to get her through the next week as the swelling goes down.

As she's wheeled out of the hospital, the nurse helps her into the team van where she gingerly adjusts into the most uncomfortable contortion she's ever been in.

The van door closes and she looks toward the front seat to find one of the team trainers driving with Christen sitting in the passenger seat next to him.

"Hey champ. We didn't know if you'd be spending the night in the hospital or not." Christen divulges.

"Yeah I can't stand hospitals. They give me the creeps. Plus the beds are super uncomfortable." Tobin winces as she tries to grab the seatbelt to strap in, but she ultimately gives up on this pointless undertaking and sits as still as possible to minimize the darting pains in her back.

"Yeah but they have the best drugs." The trainer jokes.

Tobin pulls out a bottle from her backpack and shakes it in front of her "Which I'm now in possession of." she jokes back.

"So you want us to take you back to your place? Do you need us to stop at the store and get you anything before we let you loose?" Christen asks.

"No, I'll probably just take one of these and pass out. Maybe I'll sleep so long that I'll wake up and it'll all just seem like a bad dream." Tobin says to the fogging window.

The rest of the car ride is spent in relative silence, chatter on the radio filling the void. It was late and all three were exhausted, physically and mentally from the events of the day. When they pull up to Tobin's apartment, Christen and the trainer help Tobin inch out of the van and into the elevator. Christen carries her duffle bag while she puts most of her weight on the trainer.

When they get to her door, Tobin pulls her keys from the front pocket of her backpack and lets Christen push the door open. The trainer lies her down on the couch, apologizing as Tobin winces in pain at the change in positions.

Christen takes Tobin's bag and pulls out the bottle of pills, handing one over to Tobin. "Here, let me get you some water."

She walks over to the sink and fills an empty glass full of water. She hands it over to the helpless girl and tilts the glass to her lips. Water spills from the lip of the glass and dampens Tobin's shirt. Christen tries to stifle her laughter. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get you all wet."

Tobin laughs at this "I mean, at least buy me dinner first. Come on, give me some credit Press. I'm not that easy."

Christen rolls her eyes, used to Tobin's flirtatious banter by now. "Better be careful with those drugs Tobin, I think they're already getting to you."

Tobin gives her a wink."Lighten up Chris, I'm just messing with you."

"Well I'm glad your sense of humor didn't get trampled tonight. Man, that was the dirtiest foul I've ever seen. She should have been ejected for that." Christen recounts

"So who took the PK?!" Tobin asks excitedly. With all the commotion of the hospital visit, no one had bothered to tell her how the game turned out.

"Oh! Allie. She sank it of course. Man you should have seen how much she yelled at that ref. She was so pissed off. She wouldn't let anyone else take the kick, she literally just grabbed the ball from the refs hands and put it in the spot. I think the goalie was too terrified of Allie to even try saving her shot, which was a rocket by the way. They ended up winning 1-0. So, silver lining I guess."

Tobin nodded and smiled along to the story, though she couldn't hide the disappointment she felt for having missed it, knowing she'd be missing plenty more in the weeks to come. Christen, ever intuitive, picks up on this and offers a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll be back out there in no time. We'll help you get better, whatever you need. Just let me know if you need anything, including a shoulder to cry on. I know rehab can be lonely sometimes."

Tobin swallows thickly, knowing she has a long road ahead of her. Her eyes start blinking more slowly and she feels a little like she's in a tunnel as Christen's sweet voice drones dreamily in her ears "Alright, now I think the drugs really are kicking in. We'll let you get some rest. Call if you need anything."

Tobin barely registers the door click closed behind them as her eyelids feel like they have bricks tied to them. She doesn't register the pain in her back anymore. In fact, she feels almost as if she's floating. The couch beneath her melts away and she's whisked into unconsciousness on a cloud called Percocet.

***

When she wakes up on her couch the next morning, Tobin goes to sit up but is immediately reminded why she wasn't in her bed when pains shoots through her spine.

"Oh what the fuck!" She curses aloud and she rolls onto her stomach in agony.

The bag of ice that had been tapped to her back earlier was all but melted, half still within it's plastic enclosure, and half spilled in a puddle onto the couch, making it uncomfortably wet. Tobin rolls to the floor on all fours and gingerly rises to her feet, careful to move as slowly as possible to minimize the pain in her back.

She trudges to her kitchen and grabs the sole yogurt cup from the fridge, ravenous after not being able to eat dinner last night. She picks up her phone that rests on the counter and scrolls through dozens of unread texts from family members, friends, and teammates, offering their condolences and support. Her eyes linger on a long text from Christen left a couple hours ago.

C:[Morning sunshine! Just wanted to check in and make sure you're alive. I'll be stopping by later with some groceries and stuff to get you through the week since your refrigerator is mostly full of Gatorade and condiments. I'll text you when I'm on my way.]

Tobin smiles a little at the message and grabs a gatorade from the fridge to bring over to the couch. As she eases herself back onto the couch, she remembers the orange bottle of pills on the coffee table and pops one in her mouth, hoping it will relieve the gnawing in her back. Laying down, she clicks through the tv as she waits anxiously for Christen to swing by.

About 3 episodes into reruns of The Office, she gets a text from Christen letting her know she's on her way over. Realizing she hasn't even looked in the mirror today, Tobin panics and get up quickly (well as quickly as her body allows) to rush to the bathroom. Her vision's a little hazy and her legs feel wobbly beneath her as she recognizes the effects of the pain meds hitting her hard. It's not a bad feeling per say, in fact, until this point she'd been so relaxed, she'd forgotten all about her back and the fact Christen would be coming over, both of which would have typically increased her blood pressure significantly.

As she leans against the sink and looks in the mirror, she sees how her hair is greasy and matted to the side of her head. She also realizes she hasn't showered since playing almost 70 minutes of soccer the night before.

Sighing, she musters her strength to peel off her clothes and steps in the shower. She struggles to bend over and adjust the temperature, so she settles for a luke warm shower. Getting the soap and shampoo from the corner of the shower proves to be equally as difficult, and she gives up on conditioning her hair as well. After a seriously unsatisfying shower, she steps out and turns the water off before wrapping a clean towel around herself.

When she steps out of the bathroom, she hears knocking on the door. As she slowly makes her way across her apartment, the knocking becomes almost frantic as the knocks get louder and faster.

"Alright alright I'm going as fast as I can!" Tobin shouts through the door.

When she swings the door open, she finds Christen looking concerned, almost frightened, but this look quickly dissipates into a look of relief as she sees the midfielder standing in front of her. "Oh my god Tobin I was knocking for forever! I thought you had fallen and couldn't get up like one of those old women in the Life Alert commercials. I was about to call 911."

"Woah, no need to be dramatic Press. I was just in the shower. I'm fine, see?" Tobin says presenting herself to Christen.

Tobin watches as Christens eyes travel up and down Tobin's wet, towel-clad body, noticing the subtle way her pupils dilate and her tongue darts out to lick her lips. She swallows thickly. "Uh, sorry. I was just worried about you." Christen says meekly.

A pause passes between them as they stand awkwardly in the doorway of Tobin's apartment until Christen chimes in. "Oh, I brought some groceries over. When was the last time you went to the store?" She says, bringing several bags into the apartment and lifting them onto the kitchen counter.

Tobin laughs at this observation. "I eat out a lot."

Christen's eyes go wide and her face contorts to stifle a dirty grin.

"I mean, I order like, Chinese food a lot, or whatever. Jeez Press, get your mind out of the gutter."

Christen bursts into a fit of laughter. "I didn't say anything." She rebuts with her hands in the air defensively. "How are you feeling?" She asks, changing the subject.

"Uh, I've felt better. I feel like an old lady walking around hunched over and going so slow. I could barely make it through my shower."

"Have you taken any of the meds they gave you? They might help." Christen asks as she starts unloading the groceries.

"Yeah I did couple hours ago. They kind of make me feel a little loopy, but I guess it's better than the alternative."

Christen hums at this and looks back over at Tobin. "You know, I don't want to tell you what to do in your own house, but if you wanted to put some clothes on, I can take care of putting the groceries away and fixing lunch."

"Ah come on, you're telling me you don't want to just stare at this body all day." Tobin jokes, but instead of laughing along, Christen smiles nervously to herself, tactfully avoiding Tobin's gaze. Tobin's brows briefly knit together in confusion, but she shakes of Christen's strange reaction and makes her way into her bedroom to change.

Closing the door behind her, she drops her towel and opens her dresser drawer to pull out a bra and some underwear, thankful that she keeps them in the top drawer. She slowly slides on her underwear, trying her best to ignore the shooting pains in her back as she rises. She then goes to pull on her sports bra, but her back suddenly spasms as she twists and she's frozen with her arms above her head and her bra stretching over her chest above her breast.

"Fuck." She curses aloud.

She tries to move her body to slide the bra down into it's rightful position, but her back spasms again at the movement. Knowing she can't stand there all afternoon partially clothed, she calls out to Christen through the door. "Hey, uh, Chris? Can you come in here for a second."

She hears Christen's footsteps as she makes her way across the apartment. Christen's muffled voice comes through as she makes her way into the room. "Tobin if this is a ploy to get me into your bedroom, you're not...oh!" Christen gasps as she walks in to find Tobin with her bare back to her in a somewhat precarious position. Christen just stands in the doorway , frozen to her spot until Tobin snaps her out of her daze.

"Uh, a little help here Chris." Tobin says, trying to calm the anxiety she's feeling at being so vulnerable in front of Christen.

"Right, sorry." Christen says as she makes her way over to Tobin.

As Christen's hands hesitantly make their way to Tobin's chest, Tobin tries to ease the tension building in the room. "Never thought I'd be asking a girl to help me put ON my bra in my bedroom."

Christen laughs at this and tugs gently at the elastic until it slides over Tobin's chest and Tobin is finally able to lower her arms to her sides. Tobin can feel the warmth of Christen's fingers dancing across her bare back as she helps untangle the straps around her shoulder. "There you go champ." Christen rests her hand on Tobin's back, letting it linger as her fingertips make a trail down to the the now swollen purple knot lower on her back.

Tobin winces as Christen's fingers circle around the area but she doesn't stop her. Even though the knot pulses, she revels in the sensation of Christen's fingers on her bare skin, goosebumps forming all over her body. She lets out a shaky sigh.

Christen retracts her hand as if she'd just touched a hot stove. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt? I just, it looks pretty bad..."

Tobin cranes her neck, speaking lowly over her shoulder, "No, no. It's fine." Tobin turns around to face Christen. They stand eye to eye, and Tobin's breathing becomes shallow. "Thank you." She breathes out.

Christen smiles weakly, shaking her head just slightly. "You don't have to thank me, I'm happy to be here."

Before her fuzzy brain catches up to what her body is doing, Tobin leans forward, capturing Christen's lips between her own. They're soft and supple, warm with a hint of the coffee she had had on the way over. The kiss is simultaneously so familiar yet so exhilarating. It's comforting yet unlike any kiss she'd ever experienced. Before Tobin can get too lost in the sensation, Christen pulls away, breathless.

"Tobin, I--you're really sweet but--I don't..we can't." Christen fumbles over her words.

Panic and embarrassment swells in Tobin's chest as she tries desperately to mend the situation. "Ah, Chris. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It must be these drugs...making me do crazy things..." Tobin deflects trying to make light of the situation.

Christen chuckles along nervously, going along with Tobin's half-hearted excuse. "Yeah, be careful with those. You can get really fucked up on those things. I heard of a guy who took so many, he hallucinated he was a bird or something and died jumping out of his window thinking he could fly."

"Well that's comforting." Tobin says sarcastically.

"Sorry. Um, I'll go take care of lunch while you finish getting dressed. Is that ok?" Christen asks, already backing out of the room.

"Yeah, I'll take it from here. Be out in a second."

Christen closes the door and leaves Tobin to her own devices. Tobin sighs deeply, willing her brain not to replay the elation from the amazing kiss they shared, followed by one of the most cringe worthy rejections in her adult life. Pulling on the nearest shirt from the pile on her bed and some loose shorts from the ground, Tobin makes a hasty exit to get out of the cloud of tension still thickly blanketing the room.

She strides over immediately to the coffee table and grabs another pill, shoving it into her mouth quickly while Christen has her back turned in the kitchen. Tobin swallows the pill hoping it brings the same relief to her mind as it has to he body, still mortified at the events that transpired minutes ago as she comes to lay back on the couch.

Christen soon comes over with two plates, a sandwich and fruit on both. "Thanks." Tobin offers as Christen sets the plate in front of Tobin.

"No problem. I hope you like turkey." Christen sits next to Tobin on the opposite end of the couch.

Tobin nods her head and takes a bite. They eat their meal in relative silence, Christen only interjecting with updates on training and scheduling of doctor visits. Their interaction somewhat forced and surface level. When their plates are empty, Christen takes them both to the kitchen, rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher. She calls from the kitchen. "So, I should probably get going." Christen says more like a question.

"Oh yeah, yeah you probably have better things to do today than babysit me." Tobin says dismissively.

"I just have some paperwork to catch up on and I should probably run by my office..." Christen trails off.

"Oh totally. You need to go get your own shit done. I should probably be resting anyway. Thanks again for coming over and helping out with...everything. I really appreciate it."

Christen just nods her head, giving Tobin a sheepish smile. "Ok. I'll let you rest. Text me if you need anything."

"Sure. I'll see you around." Tobin waves from the couch.

Christen slips out the door and is gone, leaving Tobin alone to dwell on the awkward vibe they left things on. Tobin goes to text Allie, thinking that maybe she should get some advice from her best friend about how to handle these confusing feelings she can't will away, but decides against it and clicks out of her phone. She lays her head back and closes her eyes, letting the warm silky sensation of the drugs in her veins put her mind and body at ease.

In a hazy drug-induced state, her mind flits here and there to thoughts of soccer, her friends, her injury, and Christen. She can't focus too long on one thing as these thoughts come like flashes in her mind before it's on to the next. As she falls deeper and deeper into her thoughts, she can't tell where her consciousness ends and her dreams begin, hoping that either way, she can escape the cage of her doubts and insecurities.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded back injury. I'm bummed Tobin won't be able to play this weekend, but hoping she'll be good to go for bae vs bae. Please excuse my limited (academic) knowledge of anatomy. I did my best. It's an AU after all, so just go with it.


	7. You've always complicated the situation

Present day

It had officially been a week since Tobin was sober and Christen was ready to celebrate this small victory with her. She left Tobin sleeping in her bed early this morning to run out and grab coffee since they had gone through Christen's whole stash in the past few days sipping it as they chatted early in the morning on the couch, and sitting on the counter in the afternoon as they discussed dinner plans, and holding it in their laps late into the evening as they talked about the future sitting on her balcony looking at the stars.

When Christen returned to her apartment, Tobin was right where she left her, curled up in the sheets, mouth slightly open as air whistled in and out of her lungs. Christen stood staring at the beautiful mess in front of her and only snapped out of her daze when the brunette roused from her sleep and groaned into the pillow. "Mmm do I smell coffee?"

"You sure do. Happy one week sober. How does it feel?" Christen says cheerfully as she eases down on the edge of the bed.

Tobin sits up on her haunches and accepts the coffee Christen offers her, tossing her messy bed head to the side as she takes a sip of the coffee. "It feel better now that coffee is involved. Thank you."

"But seriously, are you feeling ok? I don't want you to feel pressured into telling me you're ok just for my sake." Christen coos with concerned eyes.

Tobin brings the coffee from her lips and looks contemplative and shrugs. "I've had some low points I guess, but then..." she trails off and smiles at herself, shaking her head. "Nah it's nothing"

Christen smiles, her curiosity piqued. "What? Tell me!"

Tobin throws her head back and sighs. "Then you're here and I feel better." She mumbles.

Christen opens her mouth to speak, but realizes she isn't quite sure what to say in response. Of course she's happy she makes Tobin feel better, that's what she wanted after all. But there's a sadness to this realization; a tortured longing that's been eating at Christen for months now. She wants Tobin, all of Tobin. But the timing's all wrong. She can't do anything about these feelings, especially now, given the circumstances. That wouldn't be fair to take advantage of Tobin's vulnerability and force any kind of relationship on her now. It's too risky.

Lost in thought Christen sits on the bed staring off until Tobin adds. "I wish I could properly thank you for everything."

Christen shakes the swirling thoughts from her head and enters back into the conversation. "What do you mean? You know you don't have to keep thanking me."

Tobin sits up and this time it's Tobin who's at a loss for words. She sits silently contemplative, as if grappling internally with something, before ultimately changing the subject. "I was thinking, maybe we could go to the stadium today. I've literally been dreaming of soccer since I got injured. You think we can go over there so I can kick the ball around a bit? Get my legs back?"

Christen lights up. "Yeah, that's a great idea! I actually need to run over to my office anyway and get some work done so that works out perfectly."

Tobin looks giddy, grinning from ear to ear. "Ok awesome. I'm going to grab my cleats and change and then I'm ready to go!" She throttles out of the bed and starts rummaging through her bag for something to change into.

Christen stands up from the bed, laughing at how excited Tobin is. "I'll be in the living room."

On their way over to the field, Tobin is practically bursting with excitement. She taps on the dash of Christen's car as they make it through the short drive to the field. They park and Tobin struggles significantly to wait for Christen who has the keys to the stadium to let them in. The whole scene reminds Christen of a puppy going crazy over being taken out for a walk.

When they get onto the field, Tobin jogs ahead, straight to the middle of the pitch and stares up at the stands, spinning slowly in a circle as she takes it all in. "I missed this so much!" She shouts, her voice echoing off the empty seats.

Tobin jogs back over and grabs the ball from her pile of stuff and starts dribbling around the pitch. Christen watches as Tobin dances on the ball. She knows the midfielder is just playing around, but there's something so effortless in her movements that makes her mesmerizing to watch.

After a few minutes of this, Christen looks down at her watch and shouts to Tobin from the sideline "Hey, I'm gonna go to my office and get some stuff done. Can I trust you out here all by yourself?"

Tobin waves her off from 30 yards out. "I promise not to get into too much trouble." She calls back.

Satisfied with her answer, Christen spins around and heads inside, walking down the concrete halls toward her office. The click of her shoes reverberating off the cold cement is the only sound accompanying her down the hall.

She unlocks her office, propping the door open and flicks on the lights. She looks around the small room, remembering the last time she was in here, hunched over on the couch with Tobin as tears poured from her eyes over her shameful secret. It had only been a week since then, but to Christen, it felt like a lifetime. The woman that sat on that couch a week ago and the one out on the pitch right now doing what she loves were two completely different people. The fog that had been surrounding Tobin the past couple of months had suddenly lifted and the old exuberant, carefree Tobin was back.

Christen smiles to herself at this thought and goes to sit at her desk, powering up her computer to answer the slew of emails waiting for her in her inbox.

As she sits focused at her desk, Christen looses track of time as she clacks away on the keyboard. Lost in her own little world, she jumps when she hears a rap on the door. She looks up to see a sweaty, red-faced Tobin standing in the doorway, grinning widely.

"Hey Chris, look who I found!" Tobin reaches from behind the doorway and pulls Allie into Christen's view as she wraps her arm around the blond's shoulder.

"Hey girl, long time no see!" Allie offers with a wave. "I'd give you a hug, but I'm kind of sweaty."

Christen laughs at this "Oh no, what kind of trouble did you guys get into."

Tobin's hands shoot up defensively "We didn't do anything, I swear!"

Allie chimes in in Tobin's defense. "Yeah, I just came by to grab a shirt I left in my locker and I saw Tobs on the field and had to come say hey. I missed playing with my Harry." She muses.

She brings Tobin into a tight squeeze, causing Tobin to dramatically gasp for air. "I missed you too Harry, but if you keep squeezing me like this, you might break my back all over again."

Allie immediately releases Tobin, "Sorry. Probably for the best anyway, I wouldn't wanna get your stink on me."

Tobin brings her nose to her armpit. "I do not stink."

"You can't smell your own stink man, but trust me, it's potent." Allie pinches her nose, teasing the midfielder.

"Alright I get the point." She shoves Allie a little and then directs her attention to Christen. "I'm gonna go rinse off since somebody seems to think I might permanently damage your car with my funk, then we can go grab some lunch or something?"

Christen nods her head. "Sure, just come find me when you're done."

With that, Tobin heads toward the showers, leaving Allie grinning mischievously at Christen. "So, you guys rode here together?"

Christen busies herself organizing papers on her desk, avoiding Allie's prying gaze. "Uh, yeah. I had some stuff to get done and she wanted to get out of the house and shake the rust off."

"Uh huh. She wanted to get out of YOUR house?" Allie insinuates

Christen keeps her lips tightly shut, hoping Allie will move onto another subject. She doesn't. "So I noticed you and Tobin have been spending a lot of time together lately."

"Yeah, I've just been helping her with her recovery, doing some strengthening exercises with her and stuff so she doesn't re-injure her back." It's not a complete lie, but the nervousness in Christen's voice makes her sound unconvincing.

"Uh huh. Well if it's any consolation, she looks a lot better, and I don't just mean physically. She seems...I don't know, lighter I guess. I haven't seen her this happy in a while. I don't know what you guys have been doing together and honestly, it's none of my business, but whatever it is, I'm all for it if it means I get my best friend back." Allie says, leaning against the doorframe.

Christen panics at Allie's insinuation. "Oh, no it's not like that. I've just been helping her with her rehab and stuff. Strictly professional." She tries to reassure the blonde.

  
Allie quirks her eyebrow at the suggestion but doesn't push further. "Ok, whatever you say. All I'm saying is Tobin sure seems to like hanging out with you. She wouldn't shut up about you on the field just now."

Christen's brow furrows in confusion. "She...what?" But Christen can't finish her thought as Tobin comes bounding into the office with wet hair and a fresh pair of clothes, smelling distinctly Tobin.

She doesn't hear their conversation but seems to pick up on the tension in the air between Allie and Christen. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?" She mocks.

Before Christen can fumble for words, Allie interjects. "Nope, I was just asking Christen about some good stretches for my shoulders. They've been killing me from having to carry the team since you've been out."

Tobin rolls her eyes at her friend. "Well not to worry, I'll be back next week. Coach probably won't let me play the whole 90, but hopefully I'll get in enough time to work my magic."

Allie smiles and raises her hand for a high five. "Harrys back at it again!"

Christen chuckles at this exchange, glad to see them both so happy. Tobin picks up her bags from the ground and nods toward Christen. "We should probably get outta here. I'm starving." She whines

Christen stands up and slings her bag over her shoulder before shuffling some papers into a haphazard pile. "Ok, I'm ready when you are. Lead the way." She locks her office up and follows Tobin down the hallway.

Allie calls to them, unmoved from her spot outside of Christen's office. "See you two later."

"Bye!" Tobin shouts over her shoulder and Christen offers a small wave as they leave the stadium.

In the car on their way to lunch, Tobin sits quietly in the passenger seat, chewing on her bottom lip. Christen, noticing her silence, turns briefly to look at the girl. "What's wrong? You're pretty quiet."

Tobin shakes her head. "Nothing's wrong. I just....What were you guys really talking about in your office before I got there?"

Caught off guard, Christen tries to reply cooly. "Nothing really. She was just talking about how you seem happier."

Tobin nods at this "I am happier."

Christen smiles bashfully and glances over to catch Tobin smiling bashfully right back at her. Christen swallows audibly and turns her attention back to the road, trying to quell the butterflies in her stomach. "So where are we going for lunch?"

Out of her peripherals, she sees Tobin turn her gaze back toward the road and lean into her seat. "I don't know. Maybe we could just go to the food trucks and find something there. That way we can both get what we want."

Christen nods her head in approval. "I like how you think Heath."

They park along the street nearby and walk down the sidewalk, eyeing each truck as they go, commenting on the originality of the dishes or the creativity of the puns painted prominently on the sides of the vehicles.

They end up separating to go for different meals. Tobin ends up with some sort of meat on a stick, and Christen gets a random Asian fusion burrito. They sit at a table, shaded by the canopy of nearby trees, and chow down. They pick apart each other's meals and when they can't eat anymore, they offer some to the birds flitting around before tossing away their trash and making their way back to Christen's apartment.

When they get back, Tobin looks around and stretches. "Ok, I know you told me I could stay as long as I needed, but I really should get out of your hair for a bit. I need to go home and take care of some laundry and run some errands anyway. Gotta re-join the real world sometime unfortunately."

Christen bobs her head in understanding. "Ok that sounds good. You need anything else's before you go?"

Tobin stands in contemplation and walks over to Christen. "Just this." She wraps her arms around Christen, pulling her into a tight embrace. Christen's body tenses initially at the contact, but soon relaxes into Tobin. Despite her lack of physical activity in the past few months, Tobin's arms are still strong as the wrap tightly around Christen's waist, gently rubbing circles on Christen's back as they stand entangled together for what seems like an eternity. Although the hug is long, Christen still sighs in discontent when Tobin breaks apart from her.

"I'll text you later tonight to check in ok?" Tobin offers. Standing inches from each other, Tobin leans in toward Christen. Instinctively, Christen's eyes flutter shut and her lips part in anticipation of the kiss that she's sure is coming. Instead, she's surprised to feel Tobin's cheek rubbing against her own as she places a kiss to Christen's temple. With her eyes still shut, a closed-mouth smile forms. It's not quite the kiss she wanted, but at least she got to feel Tobin's lips against her skin.

Opening her eyes finally, Christen just nods and watches as Tobin steps out of her apartment and closes the door behind her.

***

Later that evening, Christen paces her apartment. "She said she'd call so she will. She's an adult, she can be by herself. But what if she had some pills leftover in her apartment. I didn't think to ask about that. What if she's relapsing. She said her apartment reminds her of using, why else would she go over there alone." Christen argues with herself to her empty apartment. She looks at her phone just to make sure she hadn't missed a call or text or email from Tobin, though it's a futile act. "Fuck it. I'm calling her."

Christen listens as the phone rings against her ear. With every unanswered ring, Christen becomes more and more nervous, her fears becoming more intense. She calls again when Tobin doesn't pick up the first time. No answer. She waits five minutes and then calls again, rationalizing that she may be showering or something, but still no answer. It's all Christen can do not to dial 911 and have them bust down her door to make sure she's alive. Instead, Christen grabs her keys and drives to Tobin's apartment.

As she knocks feverishly on the door, she prepares herself for the worst. After an excruciating several moments, the door swings open and Tobin stands in the doorway, bleary eyed and hair a mess.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" She asks, her voice low and gravely

"You never called me and when I couldn't get a hold of you, I thought maybe you had relapsed and I had to come over and make sure you were ok." Christen says all in one breath.

Yawning, Tobin rubs her eyes and lets out a chuckle. "Sorry Chris. My phone died cus I left my charger at your place, and I kinda fell asleep on the couch trying to watch Planet Earth. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Christen sighs in relief "No, I'm sorry, I should have trusted you."

"That's ok, I get it. Are you sure you're ok? You wanna come in and relax a minute?" Tobin pushes the door open to her apartment.

Despite her better judgement to go home and leave Tobin be, Christen accepts her offer and steps inside.

"You want anything to drink? Like water or...well I guess just water. I haven't been to the store in a while." Tobin offers with a chuckle.

"Some things never change huh." Christen teases, shaking her head at Tobin. "No I'm ok. Sorry to interrupt your Planet Earth marathon."

Tobin leans against the counter, filling a glass with water and taking along drink. "No, that's ok. You want to watch with me? I'm on Deep Sea. Pretty interesting stuff."

Christen sneers sarcastically "Obviously very interesting considering you fell asleep during it. That's ok, you should go back to sleep. It's pretty late anyway." Christen turns to walk toward the door, but stops as Tobin reaches out, grabbing her by the wrist.

"What if I don't want you to go." Tobin's eyes are pleading as she looks up from her bowed head, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth in anticipation of Christen's response.

Christen turns to face Tobin with her brows furrowed in remorse. "Tobin, I..."

But before she can complete her excuse to leave, Tobin pulls her in roughly, crashing their lips together. It's intense and heated and needy. It's all the pent up feelings she'd been pushing aside for so long. Tobin's lips are soft but move with purpose against Christens, as if searching with a kind of longing desperation. Her tongue sweeps across Christen's lips, teasing her tongue to come out and play. Christen parts her lips and lets her tongue slide against Tobin's, fully tasting her and feeling their ragged breaths mingling together.

Christen wants so desperately fall into Tobin, let herself be encompassed by every touch, allow herself to sense everything all at once. But her brain won't turn off. The voice buried deep in the back of her mind is telling her this is wrong, this isn't how this is supposed to happen. It's too much too soon.

Christen pushes Tobin off of her. "No, Tobin, this isn't supposed to happen."

"I don't care." Tobin tugs at Christen's hips, trying to keep her from pulling away.

"Tobin, stop. We can't keep doing this." Christen admonishes.

Tobin loosens her grip on Christen but won't fully let go of her "Keep doing what?"

"This...thing!" Christen gestures wildly, exasperated as she struggles to verbalize her feelings, thinking of all the previous guilty kisses they'd shared in the past.

Tobin's voice raises "Why?! Why can't we do this?! You can't tell me you feel nothing."

"No it's not that. It's just..."

"Then what? You have feelings for me, I obviously have feelings for you, what's so complicated about this?"

"Tobin are you serious? A week ago you were addicted to Percocet! We can't start this now. You can't just trade one addiction for another. You need to focus on your recovery right now without me in there to complicate the situation."

"Chris, you've always complicated the situation."

Though they'd never had this discussion explicitly, the few times they had let things go too far, it was always written off as a mistake. But Tobin wasn't content to write it off this time. She didn't want to sweep it under the rug again. "Chris, this past week has been one of the best of my life, and that's saying something considering I spent a good portion of it hunched over a toilet puking my guts out. You know why it was so great? Cus I got to be with you. That's all I want. I just want to be with you." Tobin's hands were balled in white fists shaking by her side as she struggles to hold back the tears brimming in her eyes.

Despondent, Christen drags her hands down her face, rubbing her neck as she tries to take in all this information and come up with the right response. "Tobin, I had no idea..."

Defeated, Tobin leans back on her heel and rubs her arm "Well, now you know."

A long silence falls between them and the tears that had been threatening to fall make their way down Tobin's cheek. Christen rakes her eyes over the girl in front of her, taking in her crumpled, deflated spirit. She reaches out and runs her hands down Tobin's arms in an attempt to comfort her.

"Hey, I'm not saying this can never happen. It's just...it's bad timing ok? I can't lie, I've had feelings for you for a while too. Why do you think I put up with all this bullshit in the first place?" She teases lightly, earning a small laugh from the brunette. "Can we just focus on your recovery first, then we can get into whatever the hell this is? I just don't want what we have to get mixed in with your addiction. I don't want this feeling to be the thing that replaces your old high."

Tobin looks like she wants to protest and fight for her way, but she ultimately gives in, accepting Christen's proposition seeming to understand where Christen is coming from.

"Ok so, is there some sort of timeline for this? How long do we have to wait?" Tobin asks, a little more hopeful.

Christen shrugs, "I'm not sure. It's not like this has ever happened to me before."

"You mean recovering drug addicts isn't your kink?" Tobin attempts sarcasm.

An amused smile forms on Christen's lips. "How about we give it 30 days and then we'll come back and reassess. See where you are. Does that sound doable?"

Tobin lets out a sigh "I mean it's going to be the longest 30 days of my life, but I can wait. I'll do whatever you want."

Christen takes Tobin's hand,'giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Ok, I really should go now. You should get some sleep."

Tobin bobs her head and walks a few paces with Christen to the door. "Text me tomorrow ok?" Tobin asks

"Get a phone charger first." Christen winks, earning a smile, a real smile from Tobin.

"Goodnight Chris."

"Goodnight Tobs."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Does Christen's reasoning seem fair?


	8. The zig to my zig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently my summary writing skills are not so great. If you guys have any ideas for how to reword it, I'm always open to comments and suggestions. The next couple chapters are mostly fluffy. The calm before the storm if you will. Hope you enjoy

3 months prior

Tobin's bored at home, trapped in her apartment. Teammates come by here and there to hang out for a bit and report on how practices are going, but Tobin's alone for the most part. As she sits scrolling through her phone, her thumb hovers over her contacts list. Christen. She hadn't heard much from her since the day after her injury.

It wasn't just Christen avoiding Tobin, Tobin was also too embarrassed to call her. She'd never been so painfully rejected before. Tobin wasn't an arrogant person, but she knew she was generally pretty good with women and could usually have her pick. The blow to her pride was partially why she was so upset by Christen's rejection. It was also partially because of her gnawing affinity for the girl. Despite her rationalizations and trying to move on, Tobin couldn't let the infatuation go.

Rolling her eyes at herself for being such a wuss, Tobin pushes the call button before she can think twice about it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Chris. Uh, sorry to bother you." Tobin sputters.

"No, you're not bothering me. What's up? I haven't heard from you in a while."

Tobin tries to sounds nonchalant "Oh, not much. Just sitting around, watching some soccer. Allie came over the other day and played Uno with me. Just been chillin at the apartment."

"You sound so bored" Christen deadpans

"Oh my god, I'm dying." Tobin's cool facade quickly comes down.

Christen chuckles. "I don't have any sessions this evening, what do you say I come over and cook dinner with you?"

Tobin smiles into the phone. "That sounds awesome. Um, I don't really have anything to cook..."

Christen chuckles. "Of course you don't. Ok, I'll swing by the store and grab some stuff before I come over."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Ok, see you in a bit."

***

Riddled with nerves as the evening comes closer, Tobin grabs a pill from her stash, hoping it will help settle her down. She'd just taken one an hour ago, but the calming feeling she used to get needed a little boost these days, so she doubles up, hoping that will do the trick.

Tobin jumps (we'll kinda) from her spot on the couch when she hears a knock on the door and goes to swings it open.

"Hey. Long time no see." Christen gives her a one armed hug as she holds a bag of groceries in her other hand. "I brought the goods, where should I set this?"

Tobin points in the direction of the kitchen. "Anywhere's fine. How've you been?" Tobin asks, suddenly aware of how long it had been since she'd seen Christen. She'd almost forgotten how beautiful the green-eyed woman was.

Tobin's shaken from her daze as Christen starts to answer the question Tobin had already forgotten she'd asked. "It's been busy. I've been getting more private clients these days. I think they assume that since I work with the team, I'll have some kind of insight as to what goes on in their lives and gossip with them about it or something."

"Do you?" Tobin questions

"Only with the ones that pay me really well." She says with a wink.

Christen's gaze lingers on Tobin before she turns her attention back to dinner. "Ok, so we have a couple of options. I got some chicken so we can either go the pasta route or if you're thinking something more south of the border, we can do tacos." Christen catches herself. "That was not supposed to be dirty, so don't even go there." She points at Tobin, admonishing her before she even speaks.

Tobin laughs. "I didn't say it." She ponders her options for a second. "I think tacos sound good, absolutely no pun intended."

Christen giggles at this "I was kinda hoping you would say that. I bought some beer I wanted to try and I don't think that would go so well with pasta."

"Cool. Ok, what do you need me to do?" Tobin offers

Christen shoos her from the kitchen. "Don't worry, I got it. You go find us something entertaining to watch after dinner. And grab a beer if you want one."

Tobin sits on the couch, scrolling through Netflix as delicious smells from the kitchen waft into the living room. She sips on her beer and feels a little hazy as the effects of the pills start taking over. Zoned out, she doesn't realize Christen's calling her name until she feels a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, dinner's ready."

Tobin's eyes are glazed and she feels like she's moving in slow motion. Christen sees her strange demeanor and furrows her brow in concern. "Hey, you ok? You look a little off."

Tobin shakes her head, trying to snap out of it. "No, I'm fine. I think it's just my back. It's still pretty sore."

Christen looks skeptical, but doesn't press her further. "I'm sorry. You want to just eat dinner on the couch so you don't have to move?"

Tobin shrugs. "Sure. Thanks."

Christen brings their plates to the living room, handing one over for Tobin to balance in her lap. As she's hunched over her plate, she notices Christen eyeing her back. "What?" Tobin says through a mouth full of food.

"Nothing, sorry. I was just looking at your back. Is it still all bruised up?"

"I don't know. I can't really bend that way to look for myself. Tobin reasons.

Christen rests her hand on the hem of Tobin's shirt "Can I?"

Tobin just nods and allows Christen to lift up her shirt in the back. A shiver runs through her body as Christen runs her fingers along the still sensitive skin. "It looks better than it did the last time I saw it. There's still a pretty decent knot back her though. Does it still hurt?"

Tobin sets her plate on the table, chewing her last bites of taco. "Yeah. It kind of comes in waves now these days and it'll just randomly spasm every once and a while. The doctor says it has to do with the inflammation or swelling or whatever."

"So when are you going to be able to practice again?" Christen asks, her fingers daring to travel along the rest of Tobin's lower back as they talk.

Tobin hums, half pondering her response, half enjoying the sensation of Christen's fingers running across her back. "Don't know. Depends on the swelling and the pain management. They said it was amazing I didn't tear anything, so I guess it could have been worse."

Christen nods along. "So you're just stuck on this couch until you get better?"

Tobin sighs "Pretty much."

Christen removes her hand from Tobin's back and stands up from her seat. "Well if you're going to be stranded on your couch indefinitely, we should at least make it a little more exciting."

Tobin watches as Christen grabs the empty plates and brings them to the kitchen, finishing off her beer as she stands at the sink. "Where do you keep your blankets and stuff?"

Tobin looks at her with suspicion "In the hall closet. Why?"

Christen rushes down the hall and pulls out every blanket from the closet and brings them over to the couch. "I'm making you a pillow fort. My mom used to always make me one when I was sick. I thought it might make you feel better." Christen's eyes twinkle as she smiles earnestly.

Tobin's lips stretch wide across her face until she feels like her smile can't get any bigger. "That's so sweet. You're mom must be awesome. Like mother like daughter I guess."

Christen unfurls the blankets, smiling to herself as she lays the blankets out. "We're both pretty awesome."

20 minutes later the living room is completely camouflaged, draped in sheets and blankets. Tobin and Christen lay sprawled out on the floor atop a mound of pillows with the canopy hanging precariously above them. "Gotta say, this may be one of my best pillow forts to date." Christen says, looking at her handy work.

"It's pretty great." Tobin agrees

They lay there in a comfortable silence, appreciating the magic of this moment.

"So I know the team is boring and there's usually no drama or whatever, but there has to be something going on that I've missed out on in the past month. Come on, I want some dirt." Tobin nudges Christen in the ribs.

"Ok ok, but what happens in the pillow fort stays in the pillow fort." Christen says giving a pointed look to Tobin.

"Scouts honor" Tobin assures her

Christen giggles and begins "Ok, so you know how Mana was dating that coffee shop girl for a while? Well like four or five days ago, the girl climbs over the fence into the stadium during practice and starts screaming at Mana, I mean like, lighting her up. I guess she thought Mana was cheating on her or something and just came over to drag her in front of the whole team."

"No way?!"

"Yeah, security had to grab her and toss her out. Holy hell did Mana get shit from the team for that one."

"Did she actually cheat on the girl?"

"No, not at all! Mana just has a knack for being attracted to the jealous type. We have that in common I guess." Christen offers sarcastically

Intrigued, Tobin questions her further, "Is that so?"

Christen rolls her eyes. "I mean, if you must know, the last person I dated was...possessive to say the least. At first I thought it was cute, but then it was just kinda insulting."

Tobin nods along, biting her lip as she wonders how to word her next question. "Ok, I just have to ask. This 'person' you dated, was it a man or a woman? I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you or anything."

Christen just shakes her head, "No it's fine. It's actually refreshing that you don't just assume I'm straight. Most people do. Uh, it was a woman actually."

"What was she like?" Tobin continues, not caring that the questions were straying from their typical banter.

"Other than possessive? I don't know. She was like, a 'cool girl'. She was athletic and played guitar, brewed her own beer and let everyone know she did, and she was beautiful to boot. I thought she was so interesting but when you dug a little deeper, there was nothing there. She just kind of did all this stuff so she could say she did it as a way to impress people or something. I think that's why she dated me. She didn't actually like me, she just wanted a girl on her arm to show off."

"That sounds frustrating to be around." Tobin concedes

"Yeah she was pretty shallow. What about you? Any crazy exes?"

Tobin thinks back. "Not crazy per se. I think we just didn't click right. She'd zig, I'd zag. She's still a great person, just not the right person you know."

Christen looks at Tobin with skepticism. "I don't think I've ever heard someone say something so nice about their ex before. That's really mature of you; you're such an adult!"

Tobin grins shyly "Yeah well. Now to find someone to zig to my zig."

Christen chuckles, fixing her eyes curiously on Tobin. "So what will this dream person who zigs with you be like?"

Tobin sighs, knowing that she's laying right next to her on a giant pile of pillow, but she describes her anyway, "Well, she'd probably have to be a little different than me just to balance me out you know. Someone's got to be the organized one. Two of me would get nothing done." Tobin laughs a little and continues. "I'd want her to be smart, smarter than me even, so she could teach me things and I'd be in constant awe of how she understood the world. Also compassionate. Someone who genuinely cares about other people and is willing to go above and beyond for people she loves." Tobin pauses and looks over at Christen who's hanging on her every word. "And not to be shallow, but it would be a nice bonus if she was good looking. The kind that makes you lose your breath when you see her, even when it's first thing in the morning and she has no makeup on and her hair's all tangled...I don't know, am I being too picky?"

Christen just looks at Tobin blankly until she snaps herself from her daze, "Uh, no. Not at all. She sounds perfect for you." Christen says with a small, almost sad smile. "So what would you do if you found her."

Tobin lets out a sigh. "Oh I don't know. Probably nothing. I'd be too scared." Tobin lets out a chuckle at how accurate this statement is. "What about you? You have an ideal woman?" She pries

Christen frowns, chewing on her bottom lip anxiously. "I--I don't think I want to tell you." Christen's demeanor shifts and she looks suddenly sullen.

Although Tobin's confused by her reaction, she doesn't push her and backpedals ginerly. "Ok. That's ok. We'll leave it at 'mystery woman'."

Christen nods her head at this, looking down at her hands as she rests on her stomach, propped up by her elbows. She rustles around to change position and sits up. "I should probably let you rest." Christen crouches beneath the canopy of sheets and starts to shuffle out into the open air.

"No, stay! We'll have an adult sleepover. I'll make you forget all about your mystery woman. What happens in the fort stays in the fort remember?" Tobin wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, trying to lighten the mood.

Christen just laughs lightly. "Do you need anything before I go? An ice pack? pain meds?" Christen asks, ignoring Tobin's proposition.

Tobin relents and gives her a straight answer for once. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks for coming over and keeping me company. Not a bad way to spend a Wednesday night I'd say."

Christen nods in agreement, "Not a bad way at all. Bye Tobs"

"Bye."

Tobin hears the door click behind her and flops back onto the mound of pillow. Why didn't she want to talk about what she's attracted to? Is she really that private? Is she embarrassed? Or could I be what she's attracted to and she's just scared to tell me? I'm overthinking this. Where'd I leave those meds?

Tobin rolls over and reaches for the orange bottle on the coffee table. She shakes it, seeing that it's almost empty. Did I really go through these that fast? She shrugs it off and pops one into her mouth. Her back wasn't especially sore, but she reasons that it might help her sleep with all the thoughts infiltrating her head. I'll slow down with the meds tomorrow. I just need a good night's sleep.


	9. Who's counting

Two weeks had gone by in a flash. The team was on the east coast for a pair of away games and though Tobin likely wouldn't see much playing time, she had convinced the coaches to let her travel with them so she could start feeling like part of the team again. Christen and Tobin texted sporadically throughout the week, checking in with each other. Christen could tell Tobin was practically giddy to be back in the mix again by the sudden increase in emojis and exclamation marks in her texts. The night before the second game, Christen was cooking an early dinner when her phone started buzzing against the counter top. She wiped her hands on a nearby dish towel and picked up.

"Hey Tobin, how's it going? Congratulations on the win!"

"Hey! Thanks! Oh my gosh it's so good! I forgot how much I missed playing and being with the team. I'm so out of shape, so I'll need to work on that, but otherwise, I'm living the dream. How are things back home? You surviving without us?"

Christen chuckles at her enthusiasm. "Yeah, just holding down the fort. I've had a little extra free time, so Netflix has been keeping me company."

"You better not be watching our show without me!"

"Cross my heart. Just lots of documentaries. I've actually learned a lot about the prison system in the past few days."

"You'll have to tell me all about it when I get back." Tobin responds playfully.

There's a pause between them until Tobin chimes in again. "It'll be halfway through the thirty days when I get back."

"Yeah, I guess it will be." Christen responds nonchalantly, as though she hadn't also been counting down the days.

"You miss me?" Tobin asks

"Maybe a little." Christen teases

"I miss you." Tobin responds in a more serious tone

There's another long pause between them, this time Christen breaks the silence. "So what are we doing to celebrate your long awaited return to the game?"

"I don't know, you taking me out on a date?"

Christen lets out a heavy sigh. "Tobin, we still have two more weeks..."

Tobin interjects "I know, just thought I'd throw it out there, just in case--I guess I have a six hour plane ride to think about it."

Christen hears distant chatter on the other line and a muffled response from Tobin at whoever was in the background. "Sorry. Listen I gotta go, Allie's giving me shit, but I'll see you soon ok?"

"Alright, bye. See you soon"

***

Late the next night, Christen gets a text from Tobin letting her know they'd safely landed and she'd be back at her apartment within the hour. Though Christen briefly thought about going to Tobin's apartment and surprising her, but she decided against it, thinking it might be sending mixed signals.She did however get a text an hour later from Tobin

T:[I know what I want I want to do to celebrate]

C:[Tell me!]

T:[Pillow fort party!]  
T:[with other people there, don't worry. Allie, Horan, and Mana already agreed to come. I talked up your fort making skills already so you're gonna have to bring your A-game.]

Christen chuckles, remembering the night they'd spent in the pillow fort some months ago. It was as if they were alone in the world within the confines of all the sheets and quilts around them, divulging secrets and past lives with each other. She looks back fondly, thinking that might have been the pivotal moment that she realized her feelings for Tobin were not just the result of a crush or a purely physical attraction. That night, she realized how much she cared for the brunette and wanted to know her, body and soul. Realizing she'd left Tobin hanging while she was recounting her memories, she quickly types out a response.

C:[That sounds fun! Why don't you let me host. I have a pretty good stash of blankets at my place. Slumber parties are always more fun at someone else's house.]

T:[You mean you're finally accepting my offer for an adult slumber party?!]

C:[It's your lucky day. Guess you should go buy a lottery ticket.]

T:[ So tomorrow night?]

C:[ See you then.]

***

The next night, Christen, Mana, Allie, Lindsey, and Tobin sit beneath a canopy of blankets, half their attention on the movie, half spent teasing each other relentlessly. All the while, Christen can't help but steal glances at the lanky brunette sitting next to her. They sit close, probably closer than they needed to, but neither of them want to give up the opportunity to share contact, even if it was slight.

Pulling Christen from her inner monologue, Allie interrupts her thoughts "Oh my gosh Chris, thanks for having us over. Your place is awesome! I didn't think the team paid you that well."

Christen chuckles "Well, I take odd jobs here and there too. It works for me."

Allie brushes the crumbs from her shirt, re-positioning to crouch under the fort. "So does your awesome house have a bathroom I could use?"

"Uh yeah, there's one down the hall to your right. You can't miss it." Christen points in the general direction.

"Ok be right back. Don't try and booby-trap this thing while I'm gone. I'm looking at you Horan." Allie points at the midfielder, earning a smug smile from Lindsey.

"So how was having Tobin back on the field finally?" Christen asks, trying to drum up conversation.

Mana chimes in, "Awesome! You should have seen her! She was like, going nuts on the field, just tearing them up. The other team didn't know what hit 'em."

"Well, I only played like the last 20 minutes so it wasn't like, game-changing, or anything." Tobin says humbly, rubbing the back of her neck.

Mana gives her a jab in the ribs "Oh whatever. The whole feeling in the stadium changed when you got subbed in. The crowd went crazy. They knew they were about to see some magic."

Christen smiles at this, thinking how accurate this statement probably was. She watches Tobin blushing, trying to downplay her accomplishments, but Christen knew Mana wasn't embellishing the story at all. Christen catches Tobin's gaze and flashes her an earnest grin. "She's something huh?" Christen replies to Mana, but looks directly at Tobin, locking their gazes.

They're interrupted as Allie enters back into the fort. "Chris, you got a boyfriend or something we don't know about? You been holding out on us?"

Confused, Christen furrows her brow and directs her attention to Allie. "Uh, not that I'm aware of." She attempts to laugh it off.

"Well there's a bottle of cologne in your bathroom and I figured you're not the type to wear men's cologne, that's like, something Tobin would..." Allie starts to joke, but stops mid sentence as the gears start turning and something clicks in her head. Looking a bit panicked, she quickly changes the subject. "Er--So are we going to start another movie or what? I can't fall asleep unless there's background noise. Bati says it helps quiet my mind."

"Yeah he knows that even you get sick of hearing yourself talk." Lindsey teases.

Allie throws a pillow in Lindsay's direction. Needing to get some air, Christen scoots toward the exit of the fort and announces, "I'm gonna turn off the lights and lock up. Does anyone need anything?"

They answer with a smattering of "nos" and "we're goods", and Christen stumbles out of the fort, finally able to take a breath after feeling like she was suffocating beneath the watchful eyes of Allie. She goes over to the kitchen sink and fills up a glass of water, draining it's contents in seconds, trying to calm her racing thoughts.

"Leave some for the fish." Tobin offers cooly, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Christen wipes remnants of water from the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand. "Just thirsty."

"Yeah, Allie seems to think so too." Tobin says sarcastically, earning a disapproving frown from Christen. Tobin continues. "I think she's figured out what's going on with us."

Christen shakes her head dismissively. "Well, there's nothing going on with us, so..."

"Debatable." Tobin crosses her arms in front of her chest. "I don't think there's anything to worry about with her. She's not gonna like, go tattle on us to the club manager or anything."

"I'm not worried."

"Sure, you just looked scared as hell in there because you actually saw a ghost. I don't think our attempt at the Ouija board actually works like that."

Christen doesn't respond as she inspects the empty glass in her hands. Tobin takes a step forward and reaches out to rub a comforting hand down Christen's arm. "Hey, I don't want to jump the gun or anything, but if this does turn into a thing, we don't have to like, shout it from the rooftops or anything. We can lay low while we're figuring things out if that makes you more comfortable. To be honest, I'm not sure how it would look on my end either. I have sponsorships to worry about, and I'm pretty sure my instagram would explode if people knew we were together."

Christen nods, her eyes still fixed to the floor. "It's just, if I'm getting this freaked out about your friends finding out about us, I can't imagine how anxious I'm going to be about other people finding out." Christen divulges.

"They're your friends too you know." Tobin says, bending over to catch Christen's gaze.

"Did you guys get lost or something? Come on, we've been listening to the menu screen music on repeat waiting or you guys!" Mana yells from the fort.

Tobin reaches down to grab Christen's hand. "Come on, we've still got 14 days to figure this out."

Christen smiles, "but who's counting?" she says with a wink.


	10. Champagne on the brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I think this is my favorite chapter. It's got a little bit of everything. Hope you enjoy.

2 moths prior

Tobin stands against the wall of the crowded ballroom, arms crossed, surveying the crowd, thinking she would rather be anywhere else but here. The team's management was throwing some sort of fundraiser gala and required all the members of the team to be there to entertain the donors. Some of the girls, like Allie, shined in these situations, charming the wealthy socialites with their surface-level banter. Tobin, on the other hand, despised these events. She hated the small talk, she hated faking a smile all night, she hated the eyes that lingered on her, and she hated the god awful heels that were blistering her feet. Luckily she had some help to get her through the night to ease the general disdain she was feeling.

Tobin digs through her clutch and pulls out a pill and swallows it dry, eager to let the familiar sensation relieve some of the anxiety she was feeling just by being there. As she closes her clutch she feels a presence beside her

"Hey, you're Tobin Heath right?" A young man in a tuxedo wearing too much cologne sticks out his hand to introduce himself. "I'm Tony. My dad owns a bank branch here and donated to the club."

Tobin gives him a nod, but hardly engages him, "Cool. Tell him thanks I guess."

Tony continues "Yeah, when he said he was invited to this thing, I begged him to take me with him. A room full of cute soccer girls, I mean, who could pass that up right?"

Tobin purses her lips and murmurs under her breath. "Too bad none of them would ever be interested in you."

"What was that?" Tony asks dumbly, leaning in to cue Tobin to repeat herself. The space between them diminishes and Tobin can smell the heavy scent of cologne and booze on him. She takes a step back to put some space between them, but she stumbles on her heels, and her ankle buckles beneath her. Thinking she's about to fall over in front of this unwanted admirer, she prepares herself for impact, but is surprised when she feels a pair of slender arms wrap around her midsection, keeping her upright.

"Whoa there Tobs. Have a little too much to drink there?" The familiar voice of Christen says playfully into her ear.

Tobin turns around, her cheeks a little flushed from her embarrassing stumble. "Uh, I guess so. Champagne seems to have that effect on me." She jokes.

As she regains her composure, Tobin is able to take in the beautiful woman in front of her. Her hair is long and waved, pulled to one side to reveal her cutting jawline and slender neck. Her lips are painted slightly more red than usual and glisten with a sheen of gloss, looking as if she'd just finished a long passionate kiss. Then there were her eyes. Her long lashes were dark and thick as they fluttered around the bright green pools, drowning Tobin in them. Tobin couldn't move; she couldn't breath; it was taking everything in her to tell her heart to stay between her ribs as it beat a mile a minute inside her chest.

Not to be forgotten, Tony leans in between them. "Hey, don't worry, I got her." He says to Christen with a challenging glare.

But Christen is not so easily deterred. Instead, she places a protective hand on Tobin's lower back, guiding her away from the hungry eyes of Tony. "Well, as her trainer, I'm gonna have to get her out of here before that champagne does any more damage. Thanks for coming tonight, we appreciate your support and hope to see you at a game soon!"

Christen gracefully steers Tobin away from the crowd and into the elevator alcove. "Hey, you ok? You looked like you were absolutely hating life."

"Yeah, Tony was not bringing his A-game. And if that was his A-game...whew it needs some work."

"Well I don't blame him for trying, you look really beautiful tonight." She looks at Tobin with a sheepish smile, her cheeks blushing slightly, but before she lets her gaze linger too long, she shakes her head, switching her train of thought. "No, I mean, before you were talking to wonder boy. You looked like you were roasting in your own personal hell."

"Oh, uh, yeah. This isn't really my scene."

"Yeah I can tell. Well what would you rather be doing?"

"Literally anything other than this."

Christen looks around, concocting a plan. "Wait here." Before Tobin has a chance to protest, Christen disappears into the crowd. Tobin waits in the alcove, smiling awkwardly at partygoers as they enter and exit the elevator. She sees Christen rushing back, looking guilty as hell. "Go go, in that elevator, come on!" She giggles as she drags Tobin into an open elevator and presses the door close button rapidly. When the doors close, Tobin whirls around, confused. "Chris, what the hell?"

From beneath her jacket, Christen pulls out a bottle of champagne. "I hate these things too. I thought we could go enjoy a drink in peace."

"Ok, where?" Tobin asks, laughing along with Christen's sudden spontaneity.

"I think I heard someone mention a rooftop pool. We should probably go check that out, see if it's a thing." Christen grins widely and presses the rooftop button.

As the doors open, Tobin looks around to find that the rooftop pool was indeed a thing. And to her relief, not a soul was around. "Looks like we have the roof to ourselves." Tobin observes.

"Good, I was hoping to get you alone tonight." Christen's eyes wander over Tobin's body in an uncharacteristically flirtatious way. Usually it was Tobin who was the one to make borderline inappropriate comments, but Christen's sudden swell of confidence was making Tobin's palms sweat and her thoughts run wild. "Christen Press, are you drunk?"

As Christen leads them closer to the pool, walking in front to Tobin, she glances over her shoulder to respond, "Maybe, but this will make sure I am." She says in a sing-songy voice, lifting the champagne bottle in recognition.

Standing by the pool, Christen pops the cork from the bottle, squealing as the carbonation overflows. Her lips run up the side of the bottle, sucking up stray champagne from the glass neck before wrapping her lips around the opening and taking a swig. Tobin's mesmerized watching the display, wondering what Christen's lips would feel like sucking champagne off of her neck. She's snapped from these thoughts as Christen passes the bottle to Tobin, who follows Christen's lead and takes a sip, but she tilts the bottle too far and bubbly liquid erupts from her mouth.

Christen laughs heartily at this "Careful there Tobs. Wouldn't want champagne to ruin that pretty dress of yours." She teases

Tobin laughs and swallows what liquid managed to stay in her mouth. "Oh fuck this dress. I'm getting out of this thing as soon as I get home and burning it."

Christen bites her lip, looking Tobin over again. "I have an idea."

"Is it as good as stealing this bottle of champagne?" Tobin teases, taking another swig

Christen scoffs playfully "Oh whatever, you seem to be enjoying it." Christen takes back the bottle and drinks.

"Ok ok, what's your brilliant idea?" Tobin asks, the combination of the pill and alcohol starting to take effect. She feels light and Christen's smile glows brighter in the moonlight.

"Swim with me." She says lowly, her eyes inviting Tobin to give into her request.

"I don't have a bathing suit." Tobin says dumbly, her brain struggling to keep up with what's going on.

But Christen doesn't seem to notice. She takes a step closer to Tobin and breathes out "Neither do I." With that, Christen takes a final swig from the bottle and sets it down on a nearby table. She reaches across herself and starts unzipping her dress down the side until it hangs from her hips and falls to the ground. She steps out of it and stands in a lacy bra and underwear set, biting her lip, looking for some kind of approval from Tobin.

Tobin stares at her, mouth agape, frozen by the sight of Christen so scantily clad. Before Tobin knows what she's doing, she too is slipping out of her dress, though far less gracefully, and follows Christen as she steps down a set of stairs into the pool. Drawn to Christen like a magnet, her eyes are glued to the woman as she lets her body become engulfed in the blue light of the pool. She walks out deeper and deeper until she disappears beneath the water. When she pops back up, Christen motions for Tobin to follow her to the other side, so Tobin uses all her concentration and coordination to will her body to swim over to Christen. As she approaches, Tobin realizes she's neck deep in the water and stands on her tip toes to give herself some room to breath.

They stand face to face, tiny waves splashing over their bodies, making Tobin feel weightless. "This is so much better than the party downstairs." Christen asserts.

Tobin nods her head and feels Christen's hands skim over her waist before grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. She looks into Tobin's eyes, searching, hopeful. Beneath the water, Christen's fingers draw patterns across the skin of Tobin's waist, giving her goosebumps in the cool water of the pool. Christen leans in to Tobin's ear and takes in a shaky breath before whispering lowly, "I want to kiss you."

Tobin's eyes slam shut, exhaling sharply. She bites her lip, contemplating the ramifications of what's about to happen for a split second. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Tobin thinks this might not be a good idea, but that voice is drowned out by the overpowering desire to fulfill Christen's wish. Tobin takes her hand and places it on Christen's jaw, guiding her pouting lips to her own. As their lips meet, Tobin lets out a sigh, as if a sudden wave of relief has washed over her. Their lips melt together perfectly and Tobin can taste the combination of champagne and chlorine soaked into her skin as their lips work together. Tobin takes Christen's top lip between her own, then the bottom, wanting to feel all of Christen. The kiss is rushed and fueled by alcohol and pent up desire.

Tobin backs Christen up to the side of the pool until her back hits the edge. Tobin takes this opportunity to press her body firmly against Christen's, feeling the soft skin of their bare midsections slide across one another. Meanwhile, Christen's hands travel up and down Tobin's back, the bruise she had tended to months earlier all but forgotten. Christen's hands travel past her injury, farther down her back until she grabs her ass cheeks firmly in each hand, pulling Tobin impossibly closer.

Tobin lets out a moan, unable to control the sounds escaping from her mouth. She feels Christen shift against her, and immediately regrets her inability to control her vocal chords, thinking the sound may have snapped Christen from her trance. Tobin whimpers as Christen pulls away from her, internally berating herself for letting her voice betray her.

But when Tobin finally opens her eyes to meet Christen's, she sees fire where calm green pools once were. They burn with desire and her chest heaves, taking ragged breaths to supply her body with much needed oxygen. This look of want and desperation surprises Tobin, but what surprises Tobin even more is what comes out of Christen's mouth next. "Come home with me. I live literally a block away. I want you, I want this.

Tobin's not sure if it's the combination of drugs in her system or the wave of euphoria crashing into her from their heated kiss, but she feels as if she's in a tunnel. All she can see is Christen, all she can hear is her low dreamy voice, all she wants to do is feel Christen all over her body again. Unable to form words, Tobin just nods her head emphatically, hoping this gets the message across. Thankfully it does and Christen climbs out of the pool, helping Tobin out as well.

In a whirlwind, they haphazardly slips their dresses back on, not caring that the chlorine will ruin the long forgotten fabric. They take their shoes in their hands and run to the elevator, dripping wet, and leave a small pool of water behind as they step out into the lobby. Christen pulls Tobin by the hand as they make it to Christen's apartment that was only a block away, just as she had said.

Their feet were dirty from walking barefoot through the street and their makeup was smudged and running from their time in the pool, but Tobin thinks she's never wanted Christen more than in this moment. After months of longing and pining over the woman, she was finally within her reach.

Christen thrusts the door open to her apartment and stumbles in, carelessly tossing her shoes to the side as she drags Tobin into the dimly lit room. Christen wastes no time and attaches her lips to Tobin's once more, pressing her body against Tobin's until they both stumble back against the door with a thud. Tobin lets out a grunt at the forceful contact.

"Oops, sorry. You ok?" Christen chuckles.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I want to get this dress off again though." Tobin responds, rubbing where the back of her head had connected with the hard wooden door.

"Let me help you with that." Christen says with a mischievous grin. The zipper was already halfway down, so Christen doesn't have to coax it much more before the dress is hanging loosely from Tobin's body. Christen's hands fumble a bit before gently sliding the straps of the dress off of Tobin's shoulders, kissing the newly exposed skin as she slips the dress down Tobin's body into a crumpled mass on the floor. Tobin's breathing picks up, feeling Christen's lips traveling across her shoulder to her neck, licking the remaining droplets of pool water from her skin, much like she had done earlier to the champagne bottle. Tobin would smile at this, but she's too focused on the feeling of Christen's warm mouth on her skin and the pulsing between her legs that's getting harder to ignore.

"Fuck" Christen says against Tobin's neck, leaning significantly on the girl.

"I know, this feels so good Chris." Tobin breathes out, desperate for Christen to continue.

"I feel weird." Christen says with a slight slur to her speech that Tobin hadn't noticed before. She looks down to catch Christen's eyes but has no such luck "Chris are you ok?" Tobin questions

Before Christen has a chance to reply, she turns around and vomits into the nearby trash can.

"Guess not." Tobin murmurs to herself. Sighing, Tobin goes over to retrieve the girl, rubbing her back as Christen hunches over and empties the contents of her stomach.

"It's ok, I got you." Tobin coos, trying to soothe the girl.

"I'm sorry, Tobin." Christen slurs into the trash can.

"Shh, it's ok, you don't need to apologize, it happens to the best of us." Tobin concedes. "Come on, lets get you in bed. It's not exactly how I wanted to take you to bed, but that's ok." Tobin attempts to joke and make Christen feel better.

This earns a small chuckle from Christen as she lets out a groan. "I ruined it." She flops onto her bed, still in her damp dress, unfazed by it.

Tobin sits on the edge of the bed and looks at the girl, not with desire anymore, but with protective fondness. "No, we all get a little too drunk sometimes."

But Christen continues as if she hadn't heard Tobin's words of comfort. "Oh I fucked up so bad! You just looked so pretty in your dress, and your hair was so shiny, and I just wanted to kiss you so much." Christen babbles into her pillow.

Tobin lets out a sigh with a small smile. "I know how you feel. You looked really gorgeous tonight too." Tobin looks to the edge of the bed and pulls the neatly folded quilt across Christen, covering her shivering body. "Why don't you just get some sleep and we can talk about this in the morning." Tobin gets up from the bed, but Christen immediately grabs her by the arm. "No stay here." She whines

Tobin pulls Christen's hand up to her lips and places a gentle kiss there. "I'm just going to get you some water and medicine. I'll be right back."

Tobin fumbles in the dark through Christen's house as she sways into the kitchen, searching for the right cabinets containing what she needs.

Tobin does her best to make it back to the bedroom without spilling much water from the glass and sets it down on the bedside table. When she looks over, she sees Christen already asleep, her mouth slightly open as she breaths in and out in a steady rhythm. Smiling to herself, Tobin bends over and kisses Christen's temple, willing her to remember this in the morning.

Tobin flicks off the light as she exits the bedroom and goes to the couch, too tired to rifle through Christen's closet to find something to sleep in. Instead, she wraps her semi-naked body in a throw blanket and huddles in a ball against the cushions of the couch. Her mind fights through thoughts of Christen and what this all means, but exhaustion wins out, and takes her into a deep sleep.

***

When she wakes up the next morning, Tobin's head pounds and she feels nauseous. Her body is covered in a light sweat, but she shivers beneath the covers. She doesn't remember drinking that much, but her body feels weakened none the less. With her eyes squinting against the bright mid morning sun streaming in, she gets up and searches through her discarded clutch, taking out a pill and swallowing it to ease her maladies.

As she stands with her arms propping her up against the kitchen counter, she hears the door to the bedroom open, and Christen steps out, looking a little worse for wear.

"Morning." Tobin croaks out

Christen looks over and her eyes widen in panic. "Fuck, what are you doing here?"

"Well good morning to you too." Tobin jokes

"Sorry I just--I don't remember getting home last night. Did you walk me home?"

"Uh actually, you invited me over."

Christen looks over Tobin who stands in her underwear in the kitchen. Watching the gears turning behind Christen's eyes, Tobin shifts uncomfortably and offers "We didn't sleep together if that's what you're thinking. You kinda threw up before we got that far. Might want to take out your trash later."

Christen puts her head in her hands and shakes her head at herself. "God, I'm such an idiot."

"No, it's really ok. It happens." Tobin reassures her.

"You didn't want to get out of here as fast as you could after that?" Christen scoffs sarcastically.

"You asked me to stay, so I did. I didn't want you to be alone." Tobin responds earnestly.

Christen's eyes fill with gratitude and she smiles weakly at the brunette. "Thanks Tobin." Her eyes soften as she looks at Tobin, and a hint of sorrow fills her green eyes. "Fuck, and I didn't even give you anything to wear. I'm sorry. Here let me grab you some clothes." Christen rushes into her room and comes out seconds later with a clean pair of shorts and a tshirt. "Sorry for being such a bad hostess."

"Christen, stop apologizing, I had a great night with you--minus the vomit." Tobin jokes, sliding on the shorts and tshirt, still standing in the kitchen. "So what do you remember about last night?"

Christen sighs as she thinks back. "I remember stealing a bottle of champagne from the bar and going up to the roof with you...there was a pool...God, was I really that drunk? I remember...oh shit." The color drains from her face as the memory of the night before comes flooding back to her. "Tobin, did we..."

Tobin swallows thickly "Make out in the pool? Yeah." She finishes Christen's sentence.

"And then I invited you over?" Christen winces as she asks the question.

Tobin nods.

"Fuck." She groans and sits in the nearby chair at the kitchen table. "Tobin, I...that was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that. We can't do this."

Tobin clenches her jaw, trying to hold back the flood of emotions pouring into her chest. "What are you talking about? Chris, last night was...was..." she struggles to find the words to describe what she's feeling in this moment and Christen completes her sentence for her

"It was a mistake Tobin. We can't do this. I could lose my job, you could get in serious trouble. It's too much."

Now anger bubbles to the surface as Tobin stands listening to Christen's reasoning "That's bullshit. You can't just flirt with me all night, make out with me in a pool in our underwear, try to have sex with me, and then say it was all a mistake!"

"Tobin, I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing."

Tobin scoffs angrily, her voice raising in contempt "Oh, what a cop out. You knew what you were doing! What I can't figure out is if you're just scared about what this means, or if you're legitimately a sociopath who just wanted to fuck with me."

"Tobin I didn't mean to do this, it just happened. I didn't plan on hurting you.

Tobin paces the kitchen and scoffs sarcastically. "That's right, everything has to be planned with you. Well I'm sorry I don't fit into your 'plans'. How about this, you can plan on never talking to me again. I'll see you at the stadium, but don't you dare try talking to me. We're done. I'm sick of trying to figure out what it is you want with me. Have a nice life."

Tobin grabs her clutch and ruined dress, and swings the apartment door open, slamming it shut behind her, making sure not to look at Christen as she leaves. As Tobin storms out of the apartment complex onto the street, she open her clutch to grab her phone and call an Uber, but instead, her fingers reach for the orange pill bottle next to it and she takes one, feeling it scratch roughly down her throat. Overcome with emotion, Tobin sighs and takes another, hoping it will numb her enough to forget about the tears that are streaming down her face.

She calls an Uber which quickly drives her to her apartment. When she gets to her apartment, she fumbles to get the key inside the lock of her door, feeling the effects of the pills entering her bloodstream. Her eyes are hazy and her body feels numb. She knows she's stumbling through her apartment, but she feels nothing as her hip collides with the corner of the kitchen counter. She collapses in her bed and lets her mind swim and spin inside her skull, content to let her thoughts melt away and just feel the euphoria of the drugs flooding her brain.

But she doesn't feel euphoria. Those effects were long gone as her body had become resistant to the sensation brought on by the pills. What she felt now was an emptyness. Not good, not bad, just...nothing. It was pure escape. It was exactly what she needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe Tobin's still out because of her back?! So much for a minor injury...


	11. How 1950's of you

Present day

 

Christen sits at her desk, organizing her spreadsheet of player injuries, taking hesitant sips of her steaming hot coffee as she starts her day. Her concentration is broken when she hears members of the team start trickling in the building for the start of practice. She goes to close her door to shut out the inevitable loud pop music that will soon be playing the locker room next door, but is stopped as she reaches the door when Tobin pops her head around the door frame.

"Guess what day it is." Tobin demands with a giddy smile on her face.

Christen scratches her head, "Uh, Friday?"

"No...I mean, yeah it's Friday, but guess what other day it is?!" She bounces in the doorway as she waits impatiently for Christen's response.

Christen just shrugs her shoulders, confused as to where Tobin's going with this.

Tobin rolls her eyes playfully "It's day 30. You know what that means."

Christen nods, leaning against the doorway "It means we're going to reassess some things. Doesn't mean anything's set in stone Tobin." Christen tries to be firm, but is having a hard time resisting the urge to smile at the brunette the same way Tobin's smiling at her.

Tobin lets out a disgruntled sigh. "Well can we at least 'reassess' over dinner tonight? Say 6:30?"

Christen bites her lip to hold back a grin. "I'll have to check my schedule, but I'll see if I can squeeze you in." Christen teases flirtatiously.

Tobin taps on the door frame, as if to finalize their plans like a judge with a gavel. "Ok, it's a date. See you at 6:30."

Christen chuckles to herself as she watches the midfielder skip into the locker room, clearly not trying to hide how she's feeling about the night.

As Christen leans against the door frame, daydreaming about their coming evening, her thoughts are suddenly interrupted by someone clearing their throat loudly behind her. Christen jumps and whirls around.

"Oh, good morning Coach. How's it going?" Christen squeaks out, obviously flustered.

"Fine. I wanted to talk to you before practice starts. Do you have a minute?"

"Uh, of course. Come in." Christen shuffles around, moving papers from one pile to another nervously as Coach sits opposite of Christen's desk, her internal monologue going crazy. 'Surely she didn't hear Tobin and me talking. People talk to each other like that all the time. I'll just say it was a misunderstanding. I mean technically, we have nothing to hide, we aren't in a relationship or anything...yet. Oh my gosh am I gonna lose my job?'

Her internal diatribe is interrupted as Coach starts speaking, "I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for our team so far. Rate of injuries are down, and players are recovering quicker too, and I think you have a big part in that."

"Oh, really, it's nothing. I'm just doing my job."

"Well, it seems like you're really going above and beyond, I mean, after hour sessions with Heath? That's dedication.She's an important member of this team."

Christen isn't quite sure how to read this comment. She can't tell if Coach is baiting for something, or is really just clueless about what those 'after hour sessions' have entailed.She decides to play dumb and just go with it. "Uh, yeah no problem. Anything for the team."

"I gotta say, I was kind of concerned that there might have been something else going on between you two, given Tobin's track record with previous staff and all, but Long assured me that you were just holding sessions outside of practice. She even said you helped her out too."

Christen's brow furrows, caught off guard with this new information. "Yeah...Wait, I'm sorry, what do you mean by 'given Tobin's track record' exactly?"

Coach lets out a knowing laugh. "Oh, nothing. Tobin's a great soccer player and an even better person. Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for her, but between you and me, she's had problems with getting too close to staff members in the past, particularly the cute single ones, if you know what I mean. Technically we can't fire someone for that, but we've had to relocate some good staff cus the girl can't seem to keep it in her pants." Coach casually laughs at her own comment.

Christen laughs along nervously, trying to hide the heat that's rising in her chest to her cheeks. "Oh, well not to worry. Things are strictly platonic, just like Allie said." Christen reassures Coach, making a mental note to thank Allie for covering for them.

"Oh, I'm not worried about you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I'm just glad we ended up with such a valuable team member. Keep up the good work Press." Coach gets up and offers Christen a pat on the back before she exits the office to get to practice.

As soon as Coach leaves, Christen gasps for air, not realizing she had been holding her breath. She drags her hands across her face as she tries to make sense of this brief but enlightening conversation.

'People get relocated for dating players? What about for just fooling around with them? No, that's probably worse. Wait, and Tobin has a history with staff members? What does that mean? Am I just another conquest? She seems interested in more than just a hook up...or I thought she did. Why would she drag this out so long if it was just for a one night stand. Damn it, I helped her through so much, am I really just another trophy for her?'

Christen sits in her office, her thoughts spiraling. She tries to distract herself with other work she intended on getting done that day, but her mind can't focus on anything other than Tobin.

Before she knows it, she hears the team come back through the building, passing her office as they head to the locker room. Seeing Allie coming down the hall, Christen springs from her desk and frantically calls out to her.

"Allie, hey! Uh, I can I talk to you in my office for a sec?"

Allie says something to her teammates and detaches from the small group to come over to Christen. "Hey Chris. Sure, What's up?"

Christen shuts the door behind her as Allie steps inside. "Hey, so, I'm not sure how much Tobin has talked to you about what's going on between her and I..."

Allie looks at her blankly "I don't know what you're talking about."

When Christen's face turns pale in panic, Allie starts laughing. "I'm just kidding. I know she has the hots for you, and judging by your reaction, I'd say the feeling is mutual." She says, eyeing Christen.

Christen sighs and she feels her cheeks turn a light shade of pink."I just...Coach came to talk to me and mentioned how much time we've been spending together and I thought she might know something was going on between us, but then she said you said something about us just doing yoga together--What I mean is...thanks for covering for us. You didn't have to do that."

Allie swats her hand dismissively. "Don't mention it. Harry's my best friend, and you're growing on me too. I want to keep both of you around."

A small smile forms on Christen's lips. "Thanks--oh, and something else that came up... Coach mentioned that Tobin kind of has a history with messing around with staff members..."

Allie smiles and shakes her head. "I know what you're thinking, don't worry. Those chicks weren't anything serious, just Tobs being a horny dickhead. It's different with you, I can tell. When she got injured, I don't know, something changed. I think it really hit her hard and she was kinda at a low point--except when she was around you. You were the only person that could cheer her up, which, at first I was kinda offended cus it wasn't me, but then I saw the way she looked at you and the way her whole mood just lifted when she was around you. I don't know, she seems pretty smitten if you ask me."

Christen can't stifle the smile that spreads across her lips at hearing Allie's assessment of the situation.

Allie continues, "I gotta ask. I know it's none of my business and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but are you guys like, officially together or..."

Allie trails off and Christen lets out a sigh. "I'm not really sure what we are. We're supposed to get dinner tonight, so I guess we'll try to figure it out then. I'm just not really sure what we're supposed to do, or how this will impact our jobs, or if Tobin's even ready for a relationship. There's just a lot to think about."

Allie bobs her head in understanding. "Well, for what it's worth, I'm totally a good secret keeper, so whatever you guys end up doing, my lips are sealed." She says, locking her lips with an imaginary key.

"Thanks Allie." Christen sighs, feeling a little bit of her anxiety falling off her shoulders. "I'll let you get back. You probably want to change and shower and stuff."

"Oh, I see. Is that your subtle hint that I'm stinking up your office?"

Christen smiles at Allie's sarcasm, glad to have a confidant in her corner. Allie just gives her a wink and spins around to head toward the locker room.

"I'll see you around Press." Allie calls over her shoulder as she leaves Christen's office.

"Smell ya later." Christen shouts back.

Christen plops back down behind her desk, exhausted after the roller coaster of emotions she'd just been put through. With her doubts quelled, Christen starts looking forward to the evening ahead, excited to find out what Tobin had planned for them.

***

That evening, Christen stands in front of the mirror, hoping she's dressed appropriately for the occasion. Knowing Tobin, there's a 90 percent chance it's something casual and it doesn't really matter, but there's always that 10 percent chance it's not...

She hears a knock on the door and the butterflies in her stomach take flight all at once. She takes a deep breath as she walks through her apartment to the front door, swinging it open expectantly. And there Tobin stands in...camping gear?

Tobin, seeing the confused look on Christen's face, smiles and starts explaining "Ok before you think I'm a crazy person, just hear me out. I figured we kinda already did the romantic dinner date thing, even if you insist it wasn't a date, so I thought I'd add an element of adventure!"

Christen looks down at her simple sun dress and sandals, and looks back up at Tobin cynically.

"Don't worry, you have time to change! I promise I won't try to sneak a peak." Tobin jokes

"Will I need anything else on this adventure?" Christen asks, still skeptical about what Tobin's planning.

"Nope, just make sure you wear something comfortable, and maybe bring a sweatshirt in case you get cold. I've got everything else all set. You trust me right?"

This last question gives Christen pause. Given the fact that Tobin had successfully hidden an addiction for months didn't exactly scream honest and trustworthy, but Christen had seen the glimmers of Tobin's kind and gentle spirit shine through since the day they met. This is what makes Christen push her doubts aside and let the brunette take care of her for once, let herself be vulnerable in front of Tobin.

Having made a decision, Christen nods her head with a smile and lets Tobin into her apartment while she goes to change.

When she comes out redressed, Christen has her hair in a single braid beneath a beanie, wearing a sweatshirt, joggers, and an old pair of hiking boots. "Ready. How do I look?" She announces to Tobin who's waiting patiently on the couch.

Tobin gives her a once over and smiles "You could make a garbage bag look good."

Christen smiles and rolls her eyes at Tobin's sappy charm, but can't help taking pleasure in the way Tobin's been looking at her since she got there.

"Alright, we should probably get something to eat. Adventures are better on a full stomach." Tobin grabs her backpack and swings it over her shoulder, leading them out of Christen's apartment.

They get to the parking lot and hop in Tobin's car, the radio deafening them as she starts the ignition. Tobin jumps and quickly turns the volume knob way down until the music is just barely audible. "Sorry, I like listening to loud music when I'm thinking." She says through a wince.

Christen quirks her head to the side, intrigued. "What were thinking about?"

Tobin glances over briefly, trying to keep her eyes on the road, but also wanting to gauge Christen's reaction "You."

Christen tries to come up with something clever to say back and make light of the comment, but her tongue stays stuck to the roof of her mouth. Tobin takes this silence as a cue to continue "I mean, I was just thinking about how much you've done for me, not just in the past month, but even before that. I thought getting injured was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me, but if it's the reason I got to know you, then it was worth it. I don't know... sorry, I didn't mean to just dive right into this deep conversation. I've just been thinking about it all day and needed to say it or I might have exploded."

Christen chuckles lightly "Well thanks for not exploding on me. I like you better in one piece."

A silence falls over them, the radio still just above a whisper. "I'm glad I met you too." Christen finally offers, unable to come up with a better response, or maybe she's just not sure how she wants to word her thoughts.

Even though it's not much, Tobin seems to get the sentiment and smiles with her eyes still straight ahead. Christen watches as Tobin seems at ease while she drives, seemingly happy to just be with Christen in this moment.

Seeing this, Christen knows she just has to say more, if only to keep Tobin smiling and looking so content. She lets out a sigh to gather her courage. "Ok for the sake of just getting it of the way and being honest, Tobin, I like you. I think I have for a while but it isn't until recently that I really realized how much I like you. Every time I got close to you I pushed you away because I think, in the back of my mind, I knew I would fall for you if I let myself. But sitting here with you, seeing how happy you are and how happy I am, I think I'm ready. I think it would just be stupid at this point not to really give this a shot. I mean, if that's what you want."

Christen waits in anticipation as Tobin mulls over her outpouring, but she doesn't have to wait long. A grin creeps onto Tobin's lips and she turns her head briefly to look at Christen. "Well how could I say no to that?"

Christen lets out a laugh, partially relieved that they were finally forthright about their tenuous relationship, but mostly just happy to start a new chapter with Tobin.

They can't hug or seal it with a kiss as they drive, but Christen smiles when Tobin reaches over to rest her hand on her thigh, trying to communicate her flood of emotion in a simple touch.

They enjoy each other's company as they drive out of town down an empty highway. Mountains become clearer as they make their way west, chasing the sun as it starts it's descent behind the horizon.

They stop at a roadside diner and eat mediocre burgers and fries together, but neither of them mind, the company of one another is enough to fill them.

As they exit the restaurant Christen looks back at the dilapidated building. "So did you really drive me all the way out here to eat burgers at Papi's Roadside Burger Joint?" Christen teases.

Tobin wipes her greasy fingers on her pants as she starts the car to pull back out onto the highway. "No, this was just a pit stop. But we're going to have to get going if we want to make it in time for the real reason I dragged you out here."

They drive a few miles more down the road before Tobin pulls off to a small parking lot alongside the highway. As they get out to unload, Christen notices the sign indicating a trailhead going up the mountain. "So a hike?"

Tobin locks up the car and swings her backpack over her shoulder. "Not just any hike, this is THE hike. It's kinda steep but the climb is worth it. You'll see."

Tobin leads them up a winding trail through dense forest. The road noise from the highway is quickly drowned out and replaced by birds singing and drops of water dripping from tree branches. It's misting, but not enough to soak through their clothing. Christen likes the way it cools her cheeks as they make it up to their destination.

After a good 30 minutes surrounded by tall evergreens, they come to a clearing and Christen's able to see just how high up they are. The spot where they stand on the mountain overlooks a valley blanketed in a light fog. She stands in awe as she watches the sunset illuminate the water vapors as they shimmer across the treetops. "Tobin, this is beautiful."

"I know. This is what I wanted to show you." Standing close, Christen feels Tobin's fingers brush against her hand and gradually lace her fingers between Christen's. It's a simple gesture of wanting to share a beautiful moment with someone. They remain motionless as they stand together, watching the sun slowly descend behind the mountains watching orange fade to red, then pink. Light from the sun eventually fades and it starts getting darker.

"We should probably head back to the car before it gets super dark." Tobin says, grabbing Christen's hand to pull her back down the path

The way down is much quicker, but it's almost completely dark by the time they make it back, and the light mist that had started as an inconvenient drizzle was becoming heavier droplets of rain. They hop in the car and head back toward the city, trying to outrun the storm.

As they drive, the rain continues to pick up and eventually, Tobin is leaning over the steering wheel to try and see through the sheets of water coming down on her windshield.

Christen's leg jiggles anxiously in the passenger seat as she watches Tobin struggle to make it through the storm. "Tobin if you need to pull over until the rain lets up, that's fine. I don't want us to get in an accident or anything." Christen offers.

"No it's fine. I'll just take it slow. No one's on the road anyway. We'll be ok." Just as she says this, she briefly looses control of the car as it hydroplanes across a standing pool of water on the road. "On second thought, maybe we should pull over and wait it out."

Tobin finds a clear section to the side of the highway to pull into. When she's satisfied with their distance from the road, she throws the car in park and puts the flashers on. "Now what?"

Christen looks at a radar app on her phone, assessing the storm. "Now we wait. It looks like we have a little while before it passes over us so get comfortable."

"In that case..." Tobin unbuckles her seatbelt and climbs into the back seat.

Christen laughs "What are you doing?"

"Getting comfortable. The backseat has way more room than the front." Tobin sprawls out in the back, leaning against the seat with her arms behind her head. "You coming?"

Christen laughs, but unbuckled and crawls between the front seats to sit in the back. "It is roomy back here." Christen asserts "Sorry about the storm, I know this probably isn't how you wanted to spend our first date."

"Are you kidding? Burgers, sunset, getting to make out with you in the back seat of my car...sounds pretty good to me." Tobin looks at Christen with a flirtatious glint in her eye.

Christen chuckles "Oh, so that's why you dragged me out here, to put the moves on me in the backseat of your car during a storm. How very 1950's of you."

"I'm traditional, what can I say." Tobin's arm rests across the back seat and her fingers tap the headrest nervously behind Christen. She looks intently at her lap, not daring to make eye contact.

A beat passes between them before Christen speaks up, "So are you going to kiss me or what?"

Tobin looks up with a goofy grin and simply nods her head.

She leans across the seat, bringing her hand to Christen's jaw, guiding her lips to her own. When their lips meet, Christen's immediately taken back to all the other stolen kisses they had shared in the past. They were rushed, hungry, over-eager, but this one was different. They take their time, content to let their lips linger across one another, feeling every ridge and valley as their tongues take turns sweeping across the swollen pink flesh. Christen's breathing picks up as the initial shock of the kiss wears off and she realizes she's finally kissing Tobin without that gnawing feeling of remorse in the back of her head. She's finally able to let herself enjoy it.

Christen scoots in and pulls Tobin's body closer toward her. Her hands grasp at Tobin's waist, feeling the muscles beneath contract with every breath. This seems to spur Tobin on and she tangles her fingers in Christen's hair more forcefully, deepening the kiss, fueled by desire. Tobin's tongue sweeps across Christen's, massaging it expertly. As their lips close against one another, Tobin takes Christen's bottom lip between her teeth, biting it just enough to elicit a moan from Christen. "Fuck" Christen groans as Tobin releases her lip from her teeth. She starts making a trail of kisses along Christen's jawline until she reaches her pulse point. She swirls her tongue around the area, kissing and sucking all along the delicate skin, making her mark on Christen.

Needing their bodies to be closer, Christen pulls at Tobin's hips. "Get on top of me." She breathes out.

Without hesitation, Tobin swings her leg over Christen, straddling her lap and starting a whole new assault on her lips. Christen's hands rest atop Tobin's thighs, feeling how strong they are beneath her grasp. Her hands run up her thighs to her hips, until her fingers find the waistband of Tobin's pants, toying with the fabric and lightly grazing the surrounding skin.

Tobin sighs at the contact, rocking her hips ever so slightly to coax Christen's fingers to touch more of her. Christen can feel the familiar pulsing between her legs as Tobin grinds into Christen's hips, working her up more with every movement.

Before Christen can slip her hands beneath the fabric of Tobin's shirt, a semi truck zooms by them loudly, making both girls jump at the sudden noise. "Shit" Tobin curses, causing Christen to giggle at her reaction. Tobin looks out the window and then back at Christen, a small smile playing on her lips. "As much as I'd like to keep doing this, I think the rain's let up. We should probably get back. Coach would kill me if she knew how late I stayed out before a game."

Nodding in understanding, Christen loosens her grip on Tobin and allows her to slide if of her lap onto the seat next to her. Tobin motions for Christen to climb up to front seat. "Ladies first."

Christen rolls her eyes "You just want to look at my ass when I climb up there."

Tobin shrugs her shoulders "Maybe."

Christen swats at Tobin playfully but climbs up to the passenger seat. Tobin follows and situates herself behind the wheel before pulling the car back onto the highway to head home.

Tobin pulls into Christen's apartment complex and parks outside her building. She gets out and runs around the car to open the door for Christen, earning a sarcastic comment about chivalry from Christen. They amble through the parking lot, not wanting the night to end as they eventually make it to Christen's door.

"I had a really good time with you tonight." Christen says sweetly as they stand face to face in front of her apartment.

Tobin nods in agreement. "Me too. Thanks for coming with me."

"Of course."

Tobin shifts her weight from side to side, swaying a little. "Well I'll let you get some sleep. Big day tomorrow." Christen offers.

"Yeah, I should go. It's way past my bedtime." Tobin chuckles.

Christen leans in and kisses Tobin sweetly, savoring one last taste of her lips before they part ways. "I'll see you tomorrow hot stuff." Christen whispers against Tobin's lips. Though she'd like more than anything to invite Tobin inside to prolong their night, Christen doesn't need the temptation, knowing she would have a hard time controlling herself now that she'd lowered her walls and given herself permission to enjoy Tobin fully.

"Can't wait."

Tobin reluctantly takes a step back to allow Christen to get into her apartment. Before Christen closes the door behind her, she offers Tobin a small wave, wanting to get one last look at the beautiful woman before she closed the door to end their evening together.

With the door closed and bolted, Christen leans against it, smiling widely to herself as she thinks about her night, letting herself feel giddy like a school girl that finally got to kiss her crush. But this wasn't just a crush. This night had confirmed what Christen had known for some time now. Though she wouldn't let her mind go there just yet, and despite her better judgement, Christen was falling for Tobin.

 

 


	12. Am I a horrible person?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is angsty. Hold on...
> 
> Also, I copy and pasted this from a word document and the formatting got all messed up, so sorry if there are some funky formatting issues.

1 month prior

Tobin was at her lowest. She was skipping her physical therapy, telling the therapist she had practice, and skipping practice, telling coach she had PT. Surprisingly, that's all it took to keep people off her back--literally. Shirking her responsibilities, she indulged in pills that no longer gave her a high, so she had to supplement it with alcohol just to feel a buzz. Anymore, she took the pills out of  
necessity to prevent her hands from shaking and her stomach from churning when she woke up in the morning.

To get the high she once felt, she now looked elsewhere to get her fix. In bars and night clubs, she'd pick up women who she wasn't particularly interested in, but the way they ran their fingers through her hair and gushed over her body patched a hole in Tobin, even if  
just for a night.

On one particular night, a slender raven haired woman catches her eye as she stands against the bar in the dimly lit club. They make eye contact as the woman sways to the music, signaling with a curlingfinger for Tobin to join her. Tobin downs her drink and makes her way over to the woman.

"Hi, I couldn't help but notice you were watching me." Tobin shouts over the music, leaning into the woman's ear.

"I could say the same about you." She responds.

"I'm Tobin."

"Kara."

They don't speak much, instead letting their bodies communicate for them in lieu of words. Tobin wraps her hands around Kara's waist,feeling her hips moving fluidly with the music as her ass presses into Tobin. She can smell the woman's hair, full of a fruity scented product, likely used to curl it earlier this evening. When Kara turns around to kiss Tobin, she can taste the sweetness of her sticky lip gloss mixed with the vapors of alcohol lacing her breath. Tobin's lips move against Kara's roboticly. knowing where to kiss her, how hard, what to do with her tongue to make the girl melt in her arms.

Soon she finds herself being dragged into an Uber, continuing where they left off in the back seat of a strangers car as they're driven to Kara's apartment. Once in Kara's apartment, Tobin goes through the routine she had done many times before: Strip her shirt and bra, kiss down her neck and snake a hand into her underwear before taking that off too. Then tease her with fingers and work her until she's coming hard against them. Tobin's just going through the motions, a stark contrast to the girl writhing in pleasure beneath her. She lets Kara return the favor before declining to spend the night, opting to take this cheap thrill for what it is rather than drag it out until morning. In the car ride home, she takes another pill, chasing the bitter taste of disgust and shame she feels for not just this night, but all the other nights like it.

As she lays in her bed, her thoughts drift to Christen, wishing the woman she'd seduced tonight was the green-eyed beauty, instead of a poor excuse of a replacement.She wanted so desperately to do all those things with Christen that she had done with these replacement women. On second thought, no, she didn't want Christen like that. She would take her time exploring and growing accustomed to the feeling of Christen against her skin. She'd kiss her with passion and purpose, long and slow to project every desire she'd ever felt for her in a single kiss. She'd touch every inch of her body, listening to Christen's coos and moans to discover what makes her nerves tingle in ecstasy.

Tobin feels a tear sliding down her cheek, unaware that she'd even started silently crying as she laid on her back staring at the cracks in the ceiling. Knowing she won't sleep tonight, she moves into the living room and lays on the couch to let the tv drown out her incessant thoughts.

***

The next morning, Tobin is jarred awake when her phone vibrates loudly in the next room on the kitchen counter top. Feeling like shit, she stumbles over to the counter to pick up her phone.

"What?" She answers harshly

"Well good morning to you too Harry. Jeez, did you just wake up or something? it's like 1 o'clock." Allie chastises her.

Tobin clears her throat, trying to shake the sleep from her voice. "Yeah I uh, kinda had a rough night. Couldn't fall asleep."

"Sorry about that. So I just was calling because we have a game tonight and no one's seen you at practice all week. We didn't know if you were coming or not," Allie's voice is hesitant and sullen, her comment more of a plea than a question.

Berating herself for loosing track of the days, Tobin sighs. "Uh, yeah. Of course. Wouldn't miss it." Tobin responds, trying to muster an ounce of enthusiasm to appease Allie.

Allie sounds unconvinced, but takes Tobin's words at face value. "Ok, well locker room opens at 3. See you there?"

Tobin nods against the phone. "See you there."

She hangs up and rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands. Forgoing breakfast, Tobin searches her apartment for the familiar orange bottle, taking a pill before heading to the shower to wash off the stench of last night.

As she closes the door to the shower and strips off her clothes, she looks at herself in the mirror. Her face is gaunt and hollow and her body looks small and weak from lack of use. Her once muscular shoulders droop like curtains in the wind, attaching her feeble arms to her body. Her skin is pale and waxy and no longer hides the veins just below the surface. Tobin inspects the stranger in front of her. This isn't the woman she's used to see staring back at her.

Averting her eyes, she steps in the shower and half-heartedly washes her body and hair, hoping the warm water will invigorate her and give her new life.

****

When she gets to the stadium, she's immediately inundated with teammates hugging her and jostling her about, happy to see their long lost friend. Allie's the only one that stands back as she watches this display, waiting to have her own turn to approach the midfielder.

Allie approaches her and wraps her in a tight hug. "Alright alright everybody, give her some room." She says, shooing their team mates away so she can have the brunette to herself. "Hey Harry, I'm glad you made it!" Releasing her, Allie pulls back and looks over her friend, frowning, "You don't look so good."

"Gee thanks Harry, What a nice welcome back. 'Hey thanks for coming, you look like shit'." Tobin mocks, trying to deflect the comment.

Instead of laughing it off or teasing her back like she usually would, Allie just purses her lips in discontentment. "I've just been worried about you is all. You've been MIA these past couple weeks. It's just good to finally see you in the flesh."

Tobin nods, "Well, here I am, still alive and kicking. Well...not kicking...you'll have to do that without me another game."

"Any word on when you'll be cleared to play again?" Allie asks, a lilt of hope in her voice.

Tobin averts her eyes, looking behind Allie into the locker room. "Not a clue. Soon hopefully." Tobin feels bad lying to her friend, but she doesn't have the heart to tell her she'd been cleared to start training again a couple of days ago. Even though her body was ready, she wasn't mentally prepared for the hours she'd have to put in to get back to her previous fitness levels. And she sure as hell couldn't do it while maintaining her current night life and drug regimen.

Seeing Allie's face drop at the news, Tobin shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other and tries to change the topic, "But you shouldn't be worrying about that, you have a game to play!" She offers with feigned enthusiasm. "I'm going to head up to the box and let you get ready. Kick some ass Harry." Tobin says, giving her friend a weak squeeze on the shoulder before heading down the hall.

"Thanks Harry." Allie yells after her.

When Tobin gets to to box, she immediately goes the the edge and leans against the railing, surveying the stadium and watching as fans begin trickling in.

"The calm before the storm, huh?" She hears from behind her.

Sighing, she turns around, forcing herself to address the person she's been dreading seeing the most. "Hey Chris. How's it going."

"Fine, but you wouldn't know that would you? I haven't heard from you in over a month." Her voice bitter.

Tobin rubs the back of her neck, her eyes fixed to the ground, too tired to fight anymore. "I know, I'm sorry. That night was just--kinda crazy. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I just had a lot going on and blew up on you. I'm sorry." Her voice is weak, and Tobin barely recognizes it as it squeaks from her throat.

Christen recoils, not expecting such an easy apology from the brunette. Her eyes soften. "I'm sorry too. That night wasn't my proudest moment either. But Tobin, you know you can always talk to me. I know it's probably not exactly what you want, but I'll always be your friend. If there's something bothering you, I'm here if you want me to listen."

Tobin nods. She was right, being Christen's friend isn't what Tobin wanted, but if that was all she was willing to offer, Tobin would have to accept it and resign herself to try and let her feelings for the girl go. She'd rather have Christen in her life as a friend than not have her at all.

"So you staying for the game?" Tobin asks after a beat of silence

"Uh yeah, if that's ok."

"Yeah of course. The best seats are over here." Tobin leads them to the first row of seats in the corner, offering a seat to Christen.

"Thanks." Christen sits, fidgeting with her jacket and hair anxiously. "Ok I have a confession. I know I've been working for the team for almost half the year already, but I still have no idea what the rules are. Am I a horrible person?" Christen winces.

This earns a small laugh and a shake of the head from Tobin. "No, you're not horrible. Unobservant maybe, but not horrible. You want me to explain things during the game for you so you'll know what the hell we're talking about in meetings?"

"That would be great." Christen sighs in relief.

They spend the entirety of the game next to each other, Christen asking questions and Tobin answering them with growing enthusiasm. As the game progresses, they joke and take turns teasing each other, relaxing into one another once again. As Tobin looks over at Christen who's intently focused on the game, she smiles, thinking to herself that she wants nothing more than to have Christen cheering for her down on the field. Her heart swells when she thinks of Christen watching her movements on the field and congratulating her on a hard fought game. She hadn't felt that yearning for the sport in weeks. Tobin laughs at herself. Of course it would be Christen that breathes life into Tobin's lost passion for the sport, invigorating her to try and make it back out there, just so she can look up and see bright green eyes staring joyfully down at her. 

Sensing Tobin's eyes on her, Christen looks over with a smile, "What?"

Tobin blinks and shakes her head, regaining her composure. "Nothing, I'm just glad I came today. I think it's exactly what I needed"

"Good. I'm glad you came too." Christen smiles back at her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally yelled "Sneaky Pete!!" when she scored yesterday. I'm so relieved she finally broke the drought.
> 
> Sorry if this chapter totally bummed you out, I promise a really good couple of chapters are on the way. I'll probably be posting it in the next few days.


	13. Wouldn't be the worst deal I've ever signed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was pretty rough, so here's a chapter I think you guys might appreciate....mind the adult content warning

Present

 

It had been a few weeks since their first official date. After that night, Christen and Tobin were inseparable. They spent more nights than not together, and when Tobin was away for matches, they talked on the phone before bed until their eyelids were too heavy to stay open. Some of Tobin's more perceptive teammates picked up on their close relationship, but didn't give the midfielder too hard of a time about it, vowing to keep their knowledge of the situation under wraps, especially in front of coach.

Before practice one afternoon, Christen walks through the locker room to get to her office, but is suddenly pulled by the hem of her shirt into the equipment closet and wrapped up by the familiar arms of Tobin as she kisses her once on the lips.

When Christen pulls away, she sees Tobin looking rather pleased with herself. "Did I surprise you?"

She gives Tobin a light smack on the arm and tries to escape from her grasp, but Tobin holds her tight around the waist. "Tobin, let go. We're gonna get caught." Although Christen reprimands her, she smiles, secretly enjoying the excitement of having to sneak around and hide their affection.

"I just wanted a good luck kiss." Tobin reasons

Christen frowns at her and wiggles free, though they still stand inches from each other. "You need a good luck kiss before practice?" Christen looks at her skeptically.

"Ok, maybe I just wanted to kiss you because you look so good in those yoga pants." Tobin says as she reaches around to grab Christen's ass playfully.

Christen swats her hand away. "Behave yourself. What if someone walked by and saw us?"

And of course, as soon as she says this, Christen hears a distinct cough behind her.

"Ladies, would you mind joining me in my office?"

Christen's eyes go wide and her stomach drops at the sound of couch's voice, and judging by the look on Tobin's face, she's feeling the same level of panic.

Christen gulps and follows coach to her office with Tobin right behind her.

They walk into the office and sit in the chairs in front of her desk as coach closes the door behind them.

"So, I've noticed you two have been spending a lot of time together lately. Is there anything you want to tell me?" Her tone is accusatory, indicating this isn't a question, it's a command to explain themselves.

Christen and Tobin look at each other, dumbfounded. Although there had always been the chance that this could happen, They had never actually talked about what to do if it did.

Christen stutters and fumbles for something to say, but her words get trapped in her throat. Then, Tobin chimes in, "It's my fault. I pursued Christen. I told her she didn't need to worry about our relationship interfering with her job. If anyone should get in trouble, it's me. I'm sorry."

Tobin bows her head, looking down at her hands as she picks at her fingernails. Even though the air is thick with tension, Christen can't help but crack the slightest smile at Tobin using the term 'relationship' to describe them. They hadn't actually made anything official yet, so the word had and unfamiliar yet satisfying ring to it. Christen quickly shakes these thoughts from her head to refocus on the situation at hand, making a mental note to come back to this topic later.

Coach sighs and looks between the two girls, "Well, thank you for being honest. This is a delicate situation and we need to figure out how to move forward with it. I know in the past people have been shuffled around because of your 'antics' Heath, but this situation seems to call for something a little different. You both are invaluable members of this organization and I can't lose either of you."

Coach pulls out a piece of paper from her desk and slides it over in front of the two women. "As the rules stand, I can't technically fire you for dating each other, but it is highly frowned upon and I can transfer your contract to another club if I so choose, but as I said earlier, I don't want to do that. This is a contract that acknowledges that you two are romantically involved, but gives me permission to terminate your contract should your relationship interfere with your ability to perform your duties for the organization. Basically, we'll turn the other cheek to keep you here, but if you can't get your shit done, you're out."

Christen stares at the document, and pulls it closer to read it over. "So if we sign this, we won't get moved?"

Coach nods her head. "If you two need some time to talk about this, you can bring me your decision tomorrow."

Without hesitation, Tobin grabs a pen from the desk and scribbles her name across the bottom. "I don't need any time to think about it. I know what I want." She sits back in her chair, looking determined in her decision.

Christen smiles at her confidence and looks over at her. "You're sure about this?"

Tobin nods. "Absolutely."

Christen grabs the pen and signs next to Tobin's name and pushes the paper back across the desk toward coach who takes it and files it away. "Ok I guess we're all set. Just to clarify, this isn't just for if you two have a falling out. If I catch you making out in the equipment room again, we'll have to have a serious conversation. I expect nothing but professionalism while your on my time. Got it?"

They nod their heads in understanding and are dismissed from the office, walking back toward the locker room like dogs with their tails between their legs.

Reflecting on what just happened, Christen smiles at a sudden realization, "So I guess you're now contractually obligated to be my girlfriend."

Tobin laughs at this. 'Wouldn't be the worst deal I ever signed."

***

After practice, Christen leads the team in a recovery yoga session with her star student situated right in the front. She paces the rows of players, aligning their poses as she goes. As she comes back around to Tobin, she reaches her hands up to Tobin's arms, straightening them out before running her hand down Tobin's back and speaking softly in her ear. "How does this feel on your back? It doesn't hurt does it?" She lets her hand linger a little longer than she should, enjoying the way she can hear Tobin's breathing pick up at the prolonged contact.

Tobin's eyes are closed and she wordlessly shakes her head no, a small smile forming on her lips. Christen gives her waist a playful squeeze and moves on to the next player, trying to quiet the thoughts of Tobin's body in her mind.

Once Christen dismisses the other players, she spots Tobin hanging back rolling, and re-rolling her mat, waiting until they are alone. Christen strides over to her and gives her a little nudge as they both exit the training room. "This kinda reminds me of the first time we met. You were trying to be so smooth." Christen chuckles a they start walking out of the stadium.

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for hot yoga girls." Tobin says with a wink.

Christen's face drops. "Oh shit." Christen curses. "The hot yoga class...shit-- I have a private class tonight I'm supposed to run. I completely forgot. I'm sorry babe, I won't be able to come over for dinner."

Tobin shrugs. "Oh ok, that's fine. No worries."

Christen sees the dejected look on Tobin's face and tries to offer a compromise to smooth over the situation. "I can come over after class though. I'll probably be super sweaty and smell like a foot, but I'll come if you want me to."

Tobin smiles. "Of course I want you to come over. I'll take you however I can get you. But maybe you can take a shower at my place to minimize the foot smell." Tobin says with a smirk.

"Deal. Ok, I'll see you tonight then." Christen goes in to kiss Tobin goodbye as they stand in the parking lot, but remembers their earlier conversation with coach and quickly pulls back to stop this impulse. "Uh, sorry-- habit. Hugs are ok right? People can hug in a professional way." Christen suggests

"Oh yeah, totally." Tobin says as she brings Christen into a tight embrace.

Releasing each other after a few moments, they say their goodbyes once more and go their separate ways.

***

Christen can't concentrate during her class. She walks aimlessly around the room, pretending to watch her students and monitor their progress, but in reality, she's counting down the minutes until she can leave. It doesn't help that the room is a balmy 90 degrees and the myriad smells is starting to make her feel ill. When the class finally winds down and she watches the students leave, she packs up her belongings as quickly as she can and rushes out to her car to get to Tobin's.

She texts Tobin before she drives off.

C;[Just finished with class. I'm on my way over]

T:[The shower and I will be waiting for you]

When she gets the the apartment, Tobin opens the door almost instantly after Christen knocks. "Hey you." Tobin grins, pulling Christen into the apartment. She immediately kisses Christen as the stand in the doorway. When they detach, they both are a little breathless. "I've been waiting to do that all day."

Christen grins and kisses her again, more slowly this time, also glad that she is finally able to show the brunette some affection.

"How was your class?" Tobin asks, leading them farther into the apartment.

Christen drops her bag and leans against the counter. "Pretty rough. It was so hot in there. I should have never agreed to teaching that class. Do you mind if I go rinse off and then you can have me all to yourself?"

Tobin walks up to her until she stands inches in front of Christen. She looks the woman up and down, a devilish smirk on her lips. "I have a better idea." She leans into Christen until their bodies are flush against each other, and dips her head under Christen's jaw to kiss the salty skin of her neck. "What if I help you rinse off." Tobin continues kissing and sucking along Christen's neck. "You look pretty dirty. Might be a two person job."

Christen exhales harshly and her knees buckle beneath her. She leans heavily on the counter for support to help keep her upright. Christen's throat vibrates with some kind of moan she's not able to control. She feels Tobin smile against her neck.

"I'll take that as a yes." Tobin takes Christen by the hand and leads them back into the bathroom. After turning on the water to warm up, Christen watches as Tobin begins stripping off layers of clothing at a painfully slow pace. Christen's eyes wander over her smooth tanned skin and the rippling muscles beneath that flex with every movement. Before Tobin strips completely naked, she gives Christen a look. "Were you planning on taking a shower in those clothes or..."

Shaken from her daze, Christen grins and removes her sweat-stained clothes. She can see Tobin's eyes darken at the sight of her and is glad she isn't the only one having trouble holding it together. Christen steps into the shower and Tobin follows after.

Since they'd been dating, it seemed that they had been pushing the physical intimacy of their relationship further with each encounter, as if challenging the other push one another forward, both of them wanting more but neither wanting to take things too fast. It started with casually making out on the couch, then added a hand under the shirt, then no shirt, then in just their underwear, then grinding against each other through the fabric. Showers together soon became mandatory, unable to separate from each other even for fifteen minutes as they let their hands roam across each other, but never reaching that final threshold. At least, not yet.

To this point, Christen had proceeded hesitantly, but Tobin is more impatient. She wraps her arms around Christen's hips and pulls her in closer. Their hips mold together and Christen shivers as Tobin's hardened nipples graze against her own. Though she was tentative to start, the new sensation of Tobin's bare skin against her own makes it impossible to hold back any longer. Christen crashes her lips into Tobin's, ravenously tasting her as saliva, sweat, and water from the cascading shower mix together between their lips. Christen's hands glide up and down Tobin's body, unsure where to focus their attention as it's all so intoxicating to touch. Her fingers follow the streams of water as the fall from her chest, over her breasts, down her stomach, but stop before they get to the apex of their journey.

Tobin's breath hitches in her throat. "Fuck" she chokes out into the nape of Christen's neck. She grabs Christen's ass roughly and squeezes, silently begging Christen for something. "I don't think you're going to get very clean with me in here." Tobin jokes, but her voice is wrecked as she struggles to hide the waver in it.

Gathering all her courage, Christen takes Tobin's earlobe between her teeth, licking and biting it before sighing into her ear. "Then maybe we should get out of the shower and finish this in your bed." Her words are suggestive, but meant to be words of consent, letting Tobin know she's finally ready to take that last step and let out all the sexual tension that had been simmering between them for so long.

Tobin seems to understand this and groans, biting down on Christen's shoulder, releasing some of her tension against Christen's skin. Christen winces at first, but the pain is quickly replaced with arousal and she lifts Tobin's head to capture her lips again. "Chris, are you sure? I've wanted you for so long, but only if you're ready." Her voice is desperate and shaky, giving Christen the sense that if she backed out now, Tobin might implode. But she doesn't intend on backing out, she's never been so sure about this in her life. She nods her head confidently and grabs Tobin's face between her hands, smiling against her lips. "I'm sure. I want you."

Tobin doesn't hesitate. Turning off the water, they barely make it out of the shower, refusing to be without the others' lips for more than a few seconds. Still wet and skin steaming from their less than successful shower, Christen is lead, well, pushed into to bedroom. Tobin guides Christen backward toward her bed and she forcefully falls onto the mattress.

With her calves still hanging off the bed, Tobin grabs her from behind the knees and pulls her into her until Christen's core hits the still slick skin of Tobin's stomach as she stands at the edge of the bed. With her legs wrapped around Tobin's waist, Tobin leans down to capture Christen's lips, careful to maintain contact at Christen's center. The pressure of Tobin's body against her sends pleasure surging through Christen. She wasn't going to fight it any longer. Her body was finally overpowering her brain and giving in to what she'd been trying to restrain for so long. She wanted Tobin, all of Tobin, and she was going to let herself enjoy every bit of her.

Christen reaches behind Tobin, grabbing her ass and pulling the brunette more forcefully into her, adding more pressure to her core. Tobin pants against her lips, her arms shaking from holding herself above Christen. Christen brings her arms up to stroke down her long muscular arms, feeling them working to maintain this position. Christen releases from Tobin's kiss. "Tobin are you ok? You're shaking."

Tobin nods faintly. "Yeah, I just... I want you so much, but I don't want to freak you out. I want to make you feel good and it's taking everything in me to take this slow and be gentle." She says earnestly.

Christen's eyes fill with desire as she gazes at the woman above her. "Then stop being gentle. I want you to make me feel good baby."

Tobin grins wickedly and reattaches her lips to Christen's, kissing her with more force this time. Their tongues dance across each others while Tobin's hand finds it's way to Christen's chest. She circles the budding nipple with her fingertips, rolling the peak between her fingers as she rakes her teeth across the soft skin of Christen's neck, surely leaving a mark behind. Christen doesn't know what's turning her on more, the rough way Tobin nips and bites her innocent skin, or the feeling of her chest heaving against Tobin's skilled fingertips. Continuing down, Tobin trails her lips and tongue lower to capture Christen's other neglected peak between her lips. Christen's back arches into the contact and soft moans start escaping her lips with the way Tobin's tongue circles and flicks her hardened nipple, sending shots of pleasure to her center.

With Christen squirming against her bare torso, Tobin takes this opportunity to remove her hand from Christen's chest and snakes it down to her center, cupping the wet hot area against her fingertips, causing Christen to gasp at the contact. Christen revels in Tobin's fingers sliding through her folds so easily as they grow accustomed to this new terrain. Christen's breathing begins to catch in her throat as Tobin's fingers find the sensitive areas that Christen likes to be touched the most.

Still kissing and toying with Christen's nipples, Christen reluctantly reaches for Tobin's jaw, causing her to detach. With her hand cupping Tobin's chin, Tobin picks her head up, eyes darkened and lost in a sense of wonder. "Are you ok?" Tobin breathes heavily.

Christen nods, biting her lip with hesitation, unsure if she'll be overstepping with her request. "I just--I want your mouth--somewhere else." she insinuates, looking unsure of her request.

She quickly realizes she shouldn't have thought twice about voicing her desires. Tobin smirks with a smug confidence and dips her head into Christen's hand. Christen watches in awe as Tobin opens her mouth and wraps her lips around Christen's index finger, sliding the digit between her lips, sucking it gently as she drags her tongue and teeth across it, spending a little extra time to swirl her tongue against the sensitive pad of her finger before releasing it. Christen shudders, unable to keep her eyes open as the can feel her whole body tingle from how aroused she is.

"I think that can be arranged." Tobin's lips spread into a crooked smile before they make their way down Christen's torso, eager to taste what they had been working up to until this point. Tobin falls to her knees at the edge of the bed, positioning Christen's thighs to rest on the top of her shoulders. She gives a kiss the her inner thighs, first the right, then the left, before bringing her tongue to the apex.

Christen can't help but moan at the first contact of Tobin's tongue to her center and her hands instinctively grab at the back of Tobin's head, begging her to stay and do that again. Her tongue lightly glides against Christen, just enough to hint at the contact that was sure to inevitably send her over the edge. Christen grabs at Tobin's hair in handfuls, trying to maintain some level of composure to keep from coming immediately as Tobin's tongue expertly slides up and down her folds, exploring the area, gauging the reaction each flick of the tongue elicits from Christen's body. "Shit Tobin--god you feel so good."

Tobin slides her hands around Christen's hips to grab her ass, massaging it with her palms and initiating a slight rocking motion to help Christen along, who was so blissfully overwhelmed at this point, she was happy to have the guidance. Satisfied with her work thus far, Tobin ups the intensity and begins teasing Christen's clit, drawing languid circles around it but not quite on it, knowing Christen would certainly unravel. Christen writhes beneath her, her leg muscles burning from tensing so tightly against Tobin's shoulders. But leg cramps be damned, she'd never felt this fucking good.

Tobin's teasing lasted all of a few minutes as Christen becomes impatient, desperate for release not only from this night, but from months of foreplay and dancing around each other. "Fuck, stop teasing me. I want you to make me come Tobin."

Hearing this, Tobin moans against Christen, the vibrations reverberating through Christen's core, intensifying the sensation. Christen's hips buck into Tobin involuntarily, searching for that final piece to send her over the edge. Relinquishing any pretense of control over the situation, Tobin gives into Christen's plea and swirls her tongue across Christen's clit, immediately electrifying her body. Christen's breaths become labored, laced with curses and moans as her muscles tense all over, building up to ecstasy. Christen feels Tobin's lips wrap around her bundle of nerves and suck lightly, still toying with it against the tip of her tongue. Christen's hips thrust into Tobin's mouth and her hands pull at her unruly brunette locks urging her to keep going. "Fuck--Fuck I'm gonna come. Fuck Tobin."

Christen's body floods with pleasure, sending her eyes rolling into the back of her head as her breaths come out in heavy exhales, her spine arched high off the mattress. Tobin licks her slowly through her orgasm, dragging it out as she watches the woman come down from euphoria. Christen's body eventually collapses against the bed, convulsing slightly as aftershocks shoot through her.

She loosens her grip on the back of Tobin's head and allows the woman to come back up for air. Tobin falls halfway on top of the woman, draping only her arm and leg across Christen as she nestles against her, conscious of the fact that Christen is still gasping for air as she tries to recover from one of the best orgasms of her life.

"Oh my god, that was amazing. Why haven't we been doing that the whole time we've known each other?" Christen muses aloud.

"It's not from a lack of trying on my end." Tobin jokes.

Christen lets out a breathy laugh as Tobin nestles into her further, absentmindedly grazing the soft skin of her stomach with her fingertips. "So you liked that huh?" She says pompously.

Christen just smiles at Tobin's arrogance, wanting to wipe the smug smirk off her face. "Want me to show you how much I liked it?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters from now on will be set in the present. Onward and upward!


	14. You're giving me the biggest heart eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a little disjointed to me but if I had broken it up into two separate chapters, they would have been pretty short and I don't want to do that to you guys! Also, I got a tumblr account so hmu. thundercatsarego12

"Babe have you seen my Nike's?" Tobin yells through her apartment

Christen rolls her eyes, sitting on her yoga mat in the middle of the living room, attempting to get in some yoga while her girlfriend anxiously mills around the apartment. "You're going to have to be a little more specific than that." Christen quips back sarcastically.

Tobin pokes her head out from the bedroom "The black and white speckled ones that I got like two weeks ago. I think I was wearing them when I stepped in that gum in front of CVS."

Christen chuckles to herself, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Uh, have you checked under the kitchen table?" Christen says, holding a pose.

Tobin slides into the kitchen in her socks and bends over to look under the table. "Found them!" she announces.

"Where are you going?" Christen questions

Tobin makes her way into the living room, hopping on one foot as she puts her shoes on. "I have that photo shoot thing, remember? They just want to get some pictures of me in the weight room and running drills and stuff."

Christen hums and moves to another pose, planking on her yoga mat.

With a mischievous grin, Tobin lays on the floor next to Christen and starts wiggling her way underneath the woman who props herself up. "Tobin, what are you doing? I'll be done in a minute." Christen questions, a slight annoyance in her voice.

Now fully under Christen, Tobin smiles, "I just wanted to give you a kiss before I left and I couldn't wait."

Sighing at how cute the brunette was, the annoyance of her workout being interrupted melts away. "Ok, but you better make it quick, I can't hold myself up like this forever. Limited upper body strength remember?"

Tobin smirks at the self-deprecating quip and attaches her lips to Christen's. Christen breathes heavily against Tobin's lips, partially from her muscles aching as they hold her body weight in position, and partially because Tobin just seems to have that effect on her.

After a short while, Christen's arms finally give out as Tobin grabs her by the hips and pulls Christen on top of her. Christen smiles into the kiss, speaking playfully against Tobin's lips. "So this was your plan all along. You just wanted me on top of you."

Their lips reconnect and Christen can taste the toothpaste on Tobin's tongue as it sweeps across her bottom lip and into her mouth. "I've always told you, those yoga pants do things to me. I can't help myself."

Tobin slides her arms around Christen's body, running her hands up the back of her thighs until her hands rest in the crease of where Christen's ass and legs meet. Christen hums against Tobin's lips, enjoying the sensation of Tobin's hands all over her, but she knows this impromptu make-out session can't last forever. "Babe, don't you have a shoot to get to?"

Tobin groans, "Five more minutes."

Despite her better judgement, Christen gives into her girlfriend's requests, compromising with three more minutes of this heated exchange, careful to keep her hands from roaming too far and pushing them to the point of no return.

Christen gives Tobin a final kiss and sits herself up, creating some space between them. Although Tobin grumbles, she looks at her watch and begrudgingly states she needs to leave. Tobin gets up and walks into the bedroom to retrieve her gym bag, coming back over to offer another kiss to Christen before she leaves. "After you're done with your session, you can come by the shoot if you want. They'll probably just be doing my hair and make-up for the first hour or whatever anyway, so you won't miss much by the time you get there."

Christen shakes her head. "Why they would think you'd ever work out in full hair and makeup is beyond me."

Tobin shrugs "Beats me."

Still sitting on the floor on her mat, Christen tugs at Tobin's hand to pull her in for a quick kiss. "I'll text you if I make it out of the studio in time ok?"

"Ok. I'll see you later." Tobin stands back up and makes her way out of the apartment, locking it behind her.

***

Christen does make it out of the studio in time and dashes across town to the stadium. When she gets there, a security guard checks her credentials before letting her into the building, pointing her in the direction of where the shoot is set up.

Christen walks the familiar halls and can hear the murmurs of strangers and the clicking of camera shutters as she enters the weight room. Standing in the entrance, she sees Tobin surrounded by people, all messing with her hair and making her strike poses that look so unnatural to Tobin's body. She hides in the back, wanting to observe Tobin without her knowing she's there, just to see what she's like from an outsider's perspective. Although Christen knows she's probably uncomfortable with all the fuss and fanfare, Tobin still manages to keep that infectious easy-going air about her, joking and laughing with the photographers and stylists as they move around her. As Christen watches she thinks to herself that it's no wonder everyone adores her. She's such a charmer without even trying.

As if sensing someone staring at her, Tobin looks over in Christen's direction and her already smiling lips spread even further across her face, crinkling her eyes in the corners and lighting up her whole being. It's not the smile she puts on for the cameras or for the fans after matches, it's the easy smile she reserves only for Christen. It's the subtle glint in her eye that lets Christen know it's a smile only for her.

The cameras click feverishly, trying to capture this moment of Tobin's genuine joy, but Tobin doesn't stay in place very long. She asks the photographer for five minutes and quickly walks over to Christen, wrapping her up in a hug. "Hi. I'm glad you made it. What do you think?" Tobin asks, stepping back to present herself to Christen.

Christen giggles. "I can't remember the last time I saw you this dolled up! You look beautiful."

Tobin smirks smugly. "What can I say, I clean up nice."

There's an awkward silence between them, both suddenly aware that every pair of eyes are on them, watching their interaction, wondering why the air in the room suddenly feels thicker. Tobin clears her throat. "I should probably get back to it. Uh, there's coffee and stuff in the back. Just make yourself comfortable I guess". Tobin gives her a nod and turns to walk back to her previous spot, a little more worked up than she had been five minutes ago."

Once the shoot is finished, the crew disassembles and packs up, while Christen and Tobin sit with the photographer evaluating photos from the shoot, pointing out ones they definitely liked or definitely did not.

Tobin points to computer screen, a look of disgust on her face. "Oh that's a good one. You got all three of my chins."

Christen laughs, "Oh come on, you're benching more than your body weight. I'd be more concerned if you looked like you weren't trying at all. I think your trying face is adorable!" Christen pinches Tobin's cheek playfully.

"You guys are cute. How long have you been together?" The photographer asks innocently

Christen intakes a sharp breath, her heart suddenly racing in panic. She stutters. "Oh, um--we're uh."

Tobin chimes in to finish her sentence. "We're just friends. I just, you know, needed a second opinion or whatever."

The photographer's face contorts into a combination of confusion and skepticism. "Oh, I'm so sorry. You guys just--you seem close. Sorry, I didn't mean to assume."

"It's cool. I mean, I could do a lot worse." Tobin jokes cooly, releasing some of the tension from the situation.

Christen's thankful for Tobin's quick thinking, knowing her fumbling would have surely given them away. Her heart rate starts to slow to a less frenetic pace, but her hands are sweaty, stuck together in her lap as the trio finish looking through pictures.

When the photographer finally stashes his laptop back in his briefcase and shakes their hands goodbye, they both exhale a sigh of relief. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. He just caught me so off guard and I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if you wanted to keep things secret, or let some people know if they seem cool, or be vague about things."

"Chris, it's ok. I'm not mad." Tobin leans in, giving the woman a peck on the lips, instantly calming her. "but for future reference, I think it's probably a good idea to keep things on the down low. It's not like I'm ashamed of you or anything, I just would rather keep our private life private. You know how people can get."

And it was true. Christen had seen the comments on Tobin's instagram pictures and the way people gushed about her in the comments section of youtube videos. Tobin had a loyal following who weren't shy about expressing their affinity for the girl.

Tobin grabs Christen by the hand, weaving their fingers together. "Now come on, they basically put me through a full workout and I may not look like it, but I know I probably smell like it. Come take a shower with me."

Christen smiles, biting her lip at the proposition. "Tobin, we can't here. What about the contract?"

Tobin scoffs. "The place is deserted. No one will know. Plus, isn't it kinda sexy having to sneak around." Tobin pulls Christen in by the waist until their bodies are flush.

Color creeps into Christen's cheeks, feeling herself giving into Tobin. "Ok ok, just promise me it'll be quick."

Tobin kisses her on the lips, biting Christen's bottom lip before moving her mouth to whisper into Christen's ear. "I guess you'll have to make me come fast then."

***

"Midfielder Tobin Heath takes five with team trainer during photo shoot. Even the assist queen needs support sometimes! What are they even trying to say?" Tobin scoffs as she reads aloud, squinting at the computer to read the fine print about the photograph above.

Christen leans over and inspects the picture. It's a candid shot of Christen and Tobin at the shoot, capturing Christen and Tobin standing around, talking during a break. It doesn't seem particularly incriminating. "I don't know, but babe, you're giving me the biggest heart eyes."

"What? No I'm not." Tobin leans in closer to scrutinizes the picture.

Christen chuckles. "You kind of are."

Tobin pouts, realizing Christen's right. "Do you think anyone will notice?"

Christen gives Tobin's shoulder a squeeze and places a soft kiss on her cheek. "Nah, people can be pretty clueless. I mean it's not like we made out in front of everyone. That might have been a problem."

Tobin's attention is pulled away from the computer screen when her phone lights up. She quickly grabs it to check her texts and rolls her eyes at the screen.

Christen looks at her curiously. "What?"

Tobin lets out an annoyed sigh, "Nothing. Allie just texted me. She sent me the photo and said 'quit eye-fucking your girlfriend in front of everyone', so obviously we weren't that sneaky."

Christen rolls her eyes. "Oh whatever. She just knows you well enough that she can tell when you see something you like." Christen says playfully, nipping at Tobin's ear.

"True. I mean, you did look really good that day." Tobin croons

Christen gives her a smack on the arm. "Whatever, I look good every day."

Tobin grabs Christen around the waist and pulls her to sit in her lap in the computer chair, placing playful kisses all over Christen's face and body. "Of course you do. What I meant to say.." the kissing attack continues as Christen squirms and giggles in Tobin's lap. "...is that you looked exceptionally sexy that day and I wish no one had been around because I definitely didn't want to just fuck you with my eyes."

The playful tone quickly shifts as Christen's hooded eyes look down at Tobin. "If I remember correctly, you didn't have to wait too long for that." Christen says lowly in Tobin's ear.

Tobin hums "Huh, I don't seem to remember that. You might have to jog my memory."

Their banter quickly unravels as they re-enact the events weeks prior in the locker room shower, careful to remind each other of every detail of that encounter.

  
After an unnecessarily long shower, Christen sits on the bed, running her hand through her wet hair, watching as Tobin stands naked in front of her dresser digging for clean clothes. "You know, you'd be able to find a clean shirt if you did laundry every once in a while." Christen teases.

Tobin spins around with an exaggerated disapproving look. "Hey, I'm only here half the year! It's not my fault things pile up, I don't have time to do that stuff."

Christen sighs, her spirit dropping suddenly. This doesn't go unnoticed by Tobin. "What's the matter babe?" Tobin goes to sit next to Christen at the edge of the bed."

"You're leaving me tomorrow." Christen pouts

Tobin sighs and rubs her hand over Christen's slouched shoulders. "I know, I wish I didn't have to. But we've done this a million times already and we've survived so far."

Christen groans, "Barely!"

Tobin smiles at her girlfriends' dramatics. "Come here baby." Tobin pulls Christen into her chest, holding her tight. Christen leans in further and buries her head against Tobin, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist as if to hold her there forever. Tobin kisses the top of Christen's head and pushes the hair from her face before placing gentle kisses along her temple. "I'll miss you." Tobin whispers into her raven hair.

"Me too." Christen mutters into Tobin's shirt.

Tobin releases Christen, being sure to kiss her cheek before putting space between them. "You want to cuddle on the couch and fall asleep to The Office?" Tobin queries sweetly.

Christen smiles weakly and nods her head, allowing Tobin to take her by the hand and lead them into the living room where they fall asleep tangled in each other.

***

Christen goes about her week, missing Tobin, but enjoys the independence of being on her own and doing her own thing again. Even though Tobin seems to make the mundane tasks of everyday life more enjoyable, Christen knows it's not healthy for them to spend every waking hour together, so she sees the space as a necessary discomfort that will ultimately make her appreciate Tobin even more when she returns.

Although her brain seems to understand the concept of allowing some distance between one another, her body is having a hard time adjusting. She'd become accustomed to sleeping next to Tobin's warm body at night, or feeling the way Tobin's hands wrap around her waist as she peeks over her shoulder while she stands over the stove cooking. She even missed the way Tobin pinches her and ruffles her hair in an attempt to annoy her and get attention when Christen's focused on something else.

Not to mention, she missed the way Tobin took care of her...tension.

It was day five of being separated from Tobin, and Christen found herself feeling a little pent up. Fast food commercials with scantily clad women that Christen usually scoffed out were now piquing her interest. She even caught herself staring at a client's ass during one of her sessions. Christen knew something had to be done about this, but with Tobin still gone for another two days, Christen would have to find something to take her mind off of it.

After an exceptionally stressful day, Christen drops her bags in the doorway as she enters her apartment, groaning as she leans against the door.

She goes immediately to her counter and grabs an open bottle of wine, pouring herself a generous helping in an attempt to take the edge off from the day. She takes her glass to the living room and plops down on the couch. She pulls out her phone and takes a long drink before putting the glass on the coffee table to scroll through social media. Tobin had played earlier that day and there were sure to be pictures to chronicle the team's win. She laughs a little as she comes across a photo of Tobin posted on her team's Instagram.

The caption reads "Caught in the rain." It's a full body shot of Tobin standing in the rain on the pitch. Her hair is wet and sticks to her neck and jaw as she smiles widely at something in the distance. Christen's eyes wander down to see Tobin with her hand in her shirt, her arms wet and slick from the water as she lifts her shirt up to wipe raindrops from her face. Christen's eyes linger on the tanned skin of Tobin's exposed stomach, noticing the outline of her abs, flexed from laughing at one of her teammates undoubtedly. Christen licks her lips, her heart rate suddenly picking up as her eyes linger farther down to find Tobin's shorts askew and pulled up high on her thighs, showing off her muscular legs. This social media person knew what they were doing.

Christen didn't even realize that her hand had found it's way under the waistband of her shorts as she admired the picture of her girlfriend. She quickly jerks her hand out from beneath the fabric, as if she had touched a hot stove, but quickly laughs at herself for being self-conscious about having her hand down her pants all alone in her own apartment. With a sly smile, she bites her lip and glances back at the photo on her phone, sliding her hand slowly back into her shorts.

She lets out a sigh and closes her eyes, letting herself relax against her own touch. She ghosts her fingers over the fabric between her legs, already feeling the warmth emanating from the spot. She lets her mind wander to the picture of Tobin, conjuring images of Tobin in a similar state, but with far fewer clothes on. Christen thinks to their countless rendezvous in the shower, tangled into each other, panting and licking and kissing in an attempt to satisfy their hunger for one another. She thinks of the way Tobin reaches her hand between them, snaking her way down to stoke Christen's center as they stand dripping wet in the cascade of water from the shower head.

Christen mimics this and lets her fingers press into herself more forcefully, rubbing circles against the fabric of her underwear as she works herself up. She recalls the way Tobin kisses and sucks down her neck until she finds her mouth against the hardened bud of Christen's nipple, swirling her tongue around it, making it impossibly harder.

Christen can feel her nipples peaking against the fabric of her sports bra at the thought. The hand which once held her phone finds it's way beneath her shirt to give attention to her chest, a much better use of it's time. The pixelated image of Tobin on her phone was merely the warm up. Christen had images of her own seared into her memory that didn't take long to bring to her consciousness and escalate the fantasy.

Sitting in the living room, Christen sinks further into the couch, one hand at her center, one on her chest. Her lips part as she attempts to keep up with the demand for air her lungs need to fill her shallow breaths. Christen moves her underwear aside, vaguely recognizing how wet the fabric is as she rests her fingers against the slick sensitive skin of her core. The smallest of whimpers escapes her lips as she runs her fingers through her silky folds, coating them in her own arousal. Her hips start in on the action, rocking gently against her hand as she imagines Tobin's hand between her legs instead of her own. The whimpers escaping her lips turn into breathy moans as she starts to feel a familiar pull in her hips, her instincts and biological impulses over-riding her conscious mind and her inhibitions quickly dissipate. She thrusts more roughly against herself, creating friction to satisfy the growing tension and brings her other hand from her chest to help where she needs attention most. Her fingers swirl around her clit and she gasps for air, forgetting the world around her and she looses herself in the pleasure of it all.

This might have been why she didn't hear the knocking on her door, or the gentle call of her name from the doorway.

Still on the couch, closing in on climax, Christen's attention is briefly drawn from her ministrations when she senses the undeniable feeling of someone watching her. She barely peeks through her hooded lids, but immediately shoots them open upon seeing the outline of a figure in front of her.

Her hands retract immediately from her shorts as she scrambles on the couch in a state of panic. "Shit Shit Shit!"

"Whoa, it's ok, it's ok. It's just me!" Tobin says through a fit of laughter. "Oh my god. I don't know what was better, watching you getting yourself off, or your reaction to getting caught." Tobin wipes the tears from her eyes, doubled over as she stands in front of Christen.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" Christen demands

"Nice to see you too." Tobin responds sarcastically.

Christen takes a calming breath and straightens out her clothing. "I mean, I thought you wouldn't be back for another two days. How are you here so early?"

Tobin smirks as she eyes the woman in front of her. "I only played the last twenty minutes, so I didn't need to stay for recovery. I got the first flight out to come back, though it seems like maybe I should have just stayed the extra days since you were having so much fun without me."

Christen blushes a deep crimson, discretely wiping the arousal from her fingers onto her shirt. "Tobin, I..."

Before Christen can continue, Tobin steps toward her, straddling her lap and placing a slow kiss on her lips. "Please don't finish that sentence if it's an apology. That was probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

Gaining some confidence, Christen smirks and looks up at Tobin "Probably?"

Tobin laughs lightly. "Ok, it is THE hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life ever." She kisses Christen's lips playfully, but it quickly turns heated. Tobin sweeps her tongue across Christen's bottom lip, asking for permission to enter her mouth. Their tongues collide and dance across each other, becoming familiar again with the taste of the other. Tobin pulls back and detaches, leaving Christen leaning forward to chase the loss of contact with her eyes still closed.

Whispering against her lips, Tobin breathes lowly, "The only thing that would make this better would be if I got to help you finish."

Despite her desperate desire to let Tobin unravel her immediately, Christen takes this opportunity to tease her just a little more. "How do you know I didn't get off while you were standing there."

Tobin nips at her lip and sucks roughly at Christen's neck, causing Christen to groan, sending vibrations from her throat onto Tobin's lips before they detach near her ear. "Trust me, I've made you come enough times to know what you look like when you do."

Christen shivers, exhaling roughly at Tobin's words. Tobin takes this as a cue to continue and picks up where Christen left off, sliding her hand beneath the fabric of her shorts, knowing Christen had already worked herself up enough that foreplay would be more of an annoyance at this point.

With Tobin still straddling her lap, Christen grabs Tobin by the hips, her hands balled in the fabric of her shirt, pulling the brunette to rock against her. With her fingers stroking Christen's center, Tobin rocks against her own hand, increasing the friction the girl beneath her so desperately needs to get her to the edge. Moans fill the apartment again, but this time coming from both women as they share equal enjoyment from this reunion.

Having done most of the legwork herself, Christen doesn't need much to bring her to climax. Tobin's fingers find their way to Christen's clit and sweep over the bundle of nerves in tight circles, causing every muscle in Christen's body to tighten before eventually releasing in the pure ecstasy or orgasm.

She sinks into the couch, her muscles spent with a thin layer of sweat covering her body, making the baby hairs stick to the back of her neck.

"Welcome home." Christen breathes out

Tobin lets out a breathy laugh, smiling against Christen's neck. Tobin's hips continue rocking against her subtlety. Christen smirks and grabs Tobin's wrist, pulling from beneath her shorts and kisses her hand and fingers, tasting herself on the soft skin."Now what are we going to do with you?"

Christen makes quick work of Tobin, letting Tobin ride her fingers while still sitting on top of her lap. Tobin pants Christen's name into her ear as she holds on tightly to Christen, coming after only a few minutes of thrusting into Christen. Seems Christen wasn't the only one who had been pent up.

Lying together on the couch, recovering from their own private welcome home party, Christen's brain finally has a chance to catch up with what just happened. Her face contorts in confusion as she lays against Tobin's chest. "Hey, how did you get into my apartment earlier? I didn't give you a key or anything."

"Oh--well I knocked but you didn't answer so I jiggled the handle and it was unlocked, so I just came in."

"Oh shit, I must have forgotten to lock the door behind me when I came in after work." Christen admonishes herself.

"Hmm. You must have been too distracted thinking about getting yourself off." Tobin responds with a cheeky tone.

Christen smacks her stomach "Shut up. It was a long day."

Tobin just hums, satisfied that she had gotten the reaction she wanted out of her girlfriend.

Another beat of silence passes before Christen breaks it again. "Hey Tobin?"

"Yes dear?" Tobin teases.

Christen twirls the fabric of Tobin's shirt in her fingers as she thinks of how to word her proposition. "What would you say to me giving you a key to my apartment. That way if the door IS locked next time, you can just let yourself in without interrupting my fun." Christen jokes to lighten the gravity of her question.

"I wouldn't want to do that." Tobin says flatly

Christen's brows furrow and she frowns slightly, obviously not expecting this answer from Tobin. "Oh, well if you don't want a key, that's ok. Sorry, I just thought it might make things easier, but if you think it's too fast, that's fine. You're probably right anyway."

"Chris, what are you talking about?" Tobin interjects

Christen repositions to prop herself up until she lays on top of Tobin, their faces inches from each other. "You said you didn't want to do that."

Tobin laughs "No, I meant I wouldn't want to interrupt you touching yourself again. I want to see you finish next time." Tobin says, placing a playful kiss to Christen's forehead.

"So you do want a key?" Christen asks tentatively, still a little confused.

"Of course. And you can have one to my place too. We spend enough time together these days, I want you to feel comfortable wherever we are."

Christen smiles, sealing it with a kiss. "Yeah?"

Tobin nods definitively. "Yeah."

Christen lays her head back down on Tobin, wiggling to get comfortable again in her arms. "For the record, I'm pretty comfortable here. I'm comfortable wherever you are." She says sleepily

Tobin smiles to herself, seeming to get the deeper meaning intended by Christen. "Me too."

 


	15. Can we go home now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to finish. I wrote like three versions of this chapter and finally decided to just put it out there cus I'm sick of it sitting in my drafts. 
> 
> I know I'm late to the party, but I also have a Tumblr now so you can hit me up there if you like: thundercatsarego12

Christen sits balled up on the couch, her nose stuck between the pages of her newest book, when her reading is interrupted by vibrations coming from between the couch cushions. She looks up and sees the noise isn't coming from her phone which sits dark on the coffee table next to her. The noise continues and Christen extends her leg to nudge the brunette sitting with her who's too engrossed in her gameboy to recognize the noise of her phone going off. "Tobin." Christen pushes her with her foot from across the couch. "Tobin, your phone!" she says more assertively.

Tobin's shaken from her daze and her focus quickly shifts. "Oh, sorry." She pushes aside some pillows and thrusts her hand between the cushions of the couch to retrieve her phone, answering it at the very last moment. "Hello?"

Christen goes back to her book, only half listening to the one sided conversation as Tobin gets up and walks into the bedroom to talk. Several minutes later, Tobin comes back to the living room and plops down in her previous position. Christen looks up to find her girlfriend looking a little less relaxed than she had been before the phone call.

"Hey, is everything ok?" Christen asks

Tobin hesitates briefly before answering "I--uh, I don't know actually. That was the team manager. He said the league just approved plans for two expansion teams."

Christen dog-ears the page of her book and closes it in her lap. "Ok...so why would that not be a good thing?"

Tobin bites the inside of her cheek, a habit Christen had noticed she does when she's anxious or mulling something over in her head. "Well I mean, it's not a bad thing necessarily. It's great the league is expanding and all. It just means things might get shaken up I guess."

Christen looks at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"So when there's an expansion team, they bring in new people, but they also draw from players already in the league to create the new team. So the old teams have the ability to protect you from getting traded to the new team, but if you aren't protected, you're up for grabs and the new team can sign you."

"Meaning you would have to move" Christen follows

Tobin nods her head, picking at her cuticles.

Christen scoots over, placing her hand on Tobin's thigh for reassurance. "Tobs, they love you here. There's no way they'd risk having you traded somewhere else. That's crazy!"

Tobin shakes her head and lets out a sarcastic laugh, "Apparently not. The manager called to tell me they wouldn't be protecting my contract, so there's a good chance..." the words get caught in her throat before she can finish her thought. A tear slides down her cheek as she tries to wipe it away quickly.

Christen brings Tobin into her arms, rubbing her back to try and comfort her. "Oh Tobin, baby. It's ok. You know how much you bring to the team here. The fans love you! If management can't see that, they're dumber than I thought."

Tobin lets out a small laugh and sniffles, "I know. That's not the only thing I'm worried about though." She wipes her tears from her cheeks and sits up to look at Christen "If I get traded, what does that mean for us? I could go across the country. I don't want to think about being so far away from you."

"Then don't. Don't think about it. We don't even know if you'll get picked up, but if you do, we'll figure it out then alright? I don't want to be here without you either. Who else is going to keep Allie in line for me?" Christen holds Tobin's hands, rubbing circles with her thumbs across the delicate skin.

Tobin smiles at this and leans forward to place a gentle kiss to Christen's cheek. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Christen leans in, kissing Tobin chastely on the lips. "I know."

***

Several days later, the official public reveal of the expansion and ensuing expansion draft are announced, and players all over the league anxiously await for their fate to be determined. Tobin and Christen go over the list of players up for the draft and think up best case scenarios and make a game of who can put together the best team. In reality, it's just a way to keep their minds off the looming possibility that their lives might be flipped upside down.

Christen and Tobin sit with most of her teammates in the locker room as they watch a feed of the draft live on the projector together. Time seems to drag on as names are announced one at a time and trades and dealings are made behind the scenes. Tobin's fingernails are all but bloody stubs now as she waits for her name to be called. Christen squeezes her hand tightly as the clock winds down, the end in sight. Although Tobin's name had been mentioned by commentators throughout the draft, it hadn't been spoken into the microphone resting on top of the podium yet.

With five minutes left, Christen and Tobin start to think she might be in the clear, but in a last minute shuffling of future draft picks, Tobin's name echos through the speakers.

She's been traded.

Tobin's face falls, but before Christen has a chance to comfort her girlfriend, Tobin shoots up from her chair, shoving it roughly to the floor with a loud crash. She storms out of the room without a word.

Christen gives Tobin's teammates an apologetic look before chasing after Tobin. When she finally catches up to her, Tobin's standing in front of her locker, it's contents thrown out onto the floor as Tobin continues to angrily toss out the remaining items. Christen just stands back, watching Tobin release her frustrations, knowing she should just allow Tobin to let it out before she tries to talk to her. Eventually, Tobin runs out of things to throw from her locker and she runs her hand roughly over her ponytail

"Fuck!" she shouts, the curse echoing off the concrete walls. She sits down on the bench nearby and slouches over with her head in her hands. With her anger spent, the tears take over. Christen steps through the mess of water bottles and practice gear on the floor to sit next to Tobin as her body shakes through her sobbing. She wraps her arm around Tobin's back, gently running her hand up and down her spine.

"This sucks." Tobin says simply through her tears

Christen frowns, her eyes softening sympathetically. "I know. It's not fair. I'm sorry."

They sit together like this silently for what seems like hours. Tobin's teammates peek their heads in to check in intermittently, but Christen shoos them away, knowing Tobin needs some time to let out her raw emotions before she can talk to anyone about it. When she finally calms down and wipes the tears from her eyes, blowing her nose into a discarded towel, she gets up with a sigh and starts cleaning up the mess she had made. With most of the trash thrown away, Tobin starts sifting through her gear and personal items, packing them into her duffle bag.

"Babe, you don't have to do this right now. I'm sure they'll give you a chance to come in and figure this stuff out later." Christen coos quietly so as to not rile Tobin up again.

"No, I just want to get this done now, get it over with."

So Christen lets her fill up her bag, helping her carry leftover items to the parking lot before tossing them in the trunk and climbing into the car. Sitting in the driver's seat, Christen turns to Tobin. "Do you want to say anything to your team before we head home?"

Tobin pauses, looking straight out the front windshield. "They aren't my team anymore." she says bitterly.

Tobin looks over to see Christen's admonishing glare and corrects her statement, letting out a defeated sigh. "I'll text them later to meet up or something. I'm sure I'll have to come back up here later anyway to sign paperwork or whatever."

Christen nods, putting her hand on Tobin's thigh. "Can we go home now?" Tobin pleads weakly. And with that, Christen starts the car and drives them back to Tobin's apartment.

***

"Look, flights are only like, a hundred bucks, and the stadium is pretty close to the airport so you wouldn't have to drive too far to pick me up. And look, the beach is right there!" Christen says, taking the first sip of her morning coffee.

"But that still means I won't get to wake up with you every morning." Tobin whines as she falls onto the couch, her head nestling his Christen's lap.

Christen puts her mug down to accommodate the girl beneath her. "We don't get to do that anyway, even when we are living in the same city. It won't be that different." Christen drags her fingers through Tobin's hair distractedly as she continues her researching with one hand on the keyboard.

Tobin groans in discontentment and gets up from the couch.

"Where are you going?" Christen questions

"I have to go back up to the stadium and sign the paperwork to release me from my contracts with the team." Tobin replies as she searches for her keys.

Christen quirks her head to the side with a sly smile. "Are they releasing you from every contract you signed with the team?"

***

Christen sits in the chair next to Tobin in coach's office as she finalizes her paperwork releasing her from the team.

"Ok, I think that's the last one." Coach grabs the papers and pulls them toward her to sift through them.

"What about the one with Christen." Tobin asks.

"Well, with this all signed and finalized, you aren't a member of this organization anymore, so that contract is void I suppose." Coach says, distracted as she looks through Tobin's paperwork.

"Ok, so I can do this?" Tobin reaches across their chairs and pulls Christen into a kiss.

Coach looks up from the stack of paperwork and scoffs. "Oh come on guys, I didn't make a trip up her at 9am to watch you two makeout."

Tobin detaches her lips, but holds Christen's face close as she gives a cheeky response "Yeah, but there's nothing that says we can't do this now."

Coach puts the papers down, her tone more serious now. "I can't do anything to you Heath, but Press, you're still under contract so you might want to think about your next move."

The women separate, sharing a knowing smile, and Christen turns her attention to coach, a cocky grin on her face. "True. I mean, you can't fire me for having a relationship with someone not in the organization, but I'd understand if you needed to send me somewhere else for behaving so inappropriately in a professional setting."

Coach smirks and lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Ah, I see. Let me guess, you want me to sign you over to Tobin's new team."

They both nod as they wait for coach's response, hoping their plan doesn't completely blow up in their faces.

Coach continues "And I suspect these behaviors might just escalate until I'm given no choice, is that right?"

They nod again.

"You do know I could ship you off to a team on the other side of the country right?" Coach challenges.

Panic hits both girls at this realization. Their half-baked plan didn't consider this possibility and the color instantly drains from their faces.

Coach starts laughing. "Don't worry, I'm not that big of an asshole." She sighs. "You know, it was hard enough letting go of Tobin, but if you're just going to be a mope who can't get anything done around here cus your girlfriend is gone, well, what use are you to me anyway."

Christen cracks a smile, squeezing Tobin's hand hopefully.

"Let me go make some calls. I'll see how Tobin's new team feels about yoga."

Before coach walks out, she stands in the doorway looking between the two. "I really mean it, I hate to see you two go. You both made this year something special." She turns her attention directly to Tobin. "And Heath, you're one hell of a player, but I know your leadership will be put to good use out there. I might have heard a rumor you're on the short-list for captain, so congratulations. I told them I couldn't think of a better person for the job." She shoots Tobin a wink and both women smile bashfully at this heartfelt sentiment.

"Alright get outta here." Coach says, shooing them from her office. The women stand up and exchange hugs, sad to go, but excited to begin this new chapter. They start down the hallway and Tobin turns around one last time to have the last word.

"See you on the pitch coach."

An echoing response reverberates down the hall "I'm not your coach anymore!"

***

Driving back, Christen and Tobin are all smiles. Their plan had worked and now the prospect of moving hundreds of miles away didn't seem so daunting. However, there was still a piece of this they hadn't talked about.

"Chris, I don't want to like, ruin this moment or anything, but I didn't even ask you how you felt about all this. I mean, I guess I just kind of assumed you'd want to come with me and I got so wrapped up in how to get you there, I kind of forgot to see if that's what you really wanted. Man, am I that selfish?"

Christen pulls Tobin's hand across the console of the car, kissing her knuckles sweetly. "Of course you're not selfish. And of course I want to come with you!"

Tobin takes her eyes off the road briefly to smile genuinely at Christen. She continues "You're the only thing keeping me here really. Coach was right, if I had stuck around here, I would have been so depressed and just sulked all day thinking about you and missing you. I would have been useless! They would have fired me for sure." Christen jokes.

Tobin smiles at this and laces her fingers with Christen's, pulling them into her lap. "Ok, good. I just want to make sure we were on the same page. I don't think I would have survived without you." Tobin says earnestly.

"Well now you won't have to." Christen responds sweetly.

Tobin pulls up to a stop sign and takes this moment of pause to turn to Christen. "I really mean it though. I love you. I want to start this new chapter of my life with you."

Christen's eyes soften, the look of wonder and anticipation on Tobin's face makes her heart swell. Her lips spread wide into a toothy smile and she throttles herself across the car, pulling Tobin into an awkward, but tight embrace. "I love you too Tobin."

Christen pulls back to crash her lips into Tobin's. Even though her seat belt is pulling uncomfortably against her chest, and her sunglasses have fallen off of her face into the black hole between the seats, none of that matters as she melts into the most passionate kiss she and Tobin had ever shared. That last fingertip holding onto her heart finally releases, allowing Tobin to take it fully, trusting her completely to nurture it and keep it from breaking in her loving grasp.

The droning sound of a car horn tears the two apart. In a fit of laughter, they realize their heartfelt confessions had triggered a line of four cars waiting behind them while they remained parked at the intersection. While Christen readjusts to sit back in her seat, Tobin waves on angry motorists as they speed around the car, but nothing could bring them down as they beam at each other, realizing that falling in love is better than any high you could get from a bottle.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Epilogue

Christen closes the drawer to the dresser, finally putting away the last of their clothing. Their clothing, in their dresser, in their house. It still didn't seem real, yet somehow it was so easy to fall into the habit of saying "we/us/our", like they had been together so long they'd practically molded into one person. Although it hadn't been that long, sometimes it felt like it just because they were so comfortable with each other. Everyone had always told Christen that love is hard work, but she disagrees. Being with Tobin is incredibly easy.

The move out to California took a few days. They'd decided to make a road trip out of it, stoping in tiny towns and exploring scenic overlooks along the highway. By the time they got to their new house, the moving company had already put most of their furniture where it needed to go, and they were tasked with unpacking the little things like clothing and kitchen supplies.

Walking out from their bedroom, Christen listens to the sound of Tobin rustling and clanging together pots and pans in the kitchen as she tries to organize them in the cabinets. Christen watches with a smirk on her face, laughing a little as she sees Tobin's gears turning to try and figure out how to fit everything.

"Need any help?" Christen chimes in.

Tobin breathes a heavy sigh "Man, you'd think all those games of Tetris would help me with my spatial skills." She says as pots noisily shift and settle in the cabinet below.

"We can always get one of those racks that hangs over the stove and put them there." Christen suggests, striding over to Tobin, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"See this is why I love you. Always thinking outside of the box--er, cabinet." Tobin chuckles at her own joke.

Christen rolls her eyes playfully. "I thought you kept me around for my tight yoga body." She kisses along Tobin's jaw before landing on her lips, relaxing into the easy kiss.

Tobin smiles against Christen's lips. "Well of course there's that too. But one day when we're old and wrinkly and let ourselves go, I'll still love you for that brain of yours."

Christen smiles. "I'll have you know that I work with plenty of older women who still have hot yoga bods." Christen banters back.

"Checking out your hot old lady students eh? Have you always been into older women?" Tobin responds playfully, squeezing Christen's ass in her hands

"Why do you think I'm dating you? I find wrinkles very sexy. Especially those ones right around your eyes" Christen teases, bringing up her hand to trace the corner of Tobin's eye.

"Ouch, sick burn." Tobin says sarcastically

Christen gives her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I really do like those wrinkles though. It shows how much you've laughed in your life. I love when you smile and your eyes crinkle in the corners like that. It's sweet."

They share another kiss, the tone more serious now. It's slow and passionate, as if both are trying to make time move as slowly as possible and prolong every second. When their lips separate, they rest their foreheads together, eyes still closed, soaking up the moment.

Tobin breaks the silence, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for coming here with me. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You don't need to thank me. I'll go anywhere as long as it's with you." Christen coos quietly, sealing the sentiment with a gentle kiss.

Christen takes a deep breath and falls away from Tobin, running her hands up and down her toned arms as they break apart. "I hate to say it, but we should probably go to a hardware store or something so we can finish hanging stuff up."

Tobin pouts. "Do we have to? Can't we just order takeout and watch a movie and have slow, lazy sex on the couch?"

Christen grins. "How about this, we go to the store and hang up some pictures, and then we can order takeout and watch a movie."

"You forgot the sex part." Tobin reiterates.

Christen chuckles, her voice lowering. "Right. And then you can do whatever you want to me."

"Mm I like this plan." Tobin says humming against Christen's lips.

Tobin breaks away and quickly starts darting through the house, gathering her shoes, keys, and wallet. "Well come on! If we're going to have enough time for all the things I'm going to do to you, we better get a move on."

***

One pizza, half a movie, and four orgasms later, Christen and Tobin lay intertwined on their couch. Christen mindlessly runs her fingers through Tobin's hair as she spaces out, thinking of all the things she still needs to get done. A nudge in the ribs breaks her from her thoughts.

"Hey, I asked if you wanted to go to practice together or separate tomorrow." Tobin asks, her head still resting on Christen's chest.

Christen looks down at Tobin, confused.

Tobin props herself up and continues. "I mean, I didn't know if you wanted it to be like an open thing right from the get go, or if you wanted to feel it out first or whatever before telling people we're together."

Christen ponders this a moment, "I don't know. I think being open about it right from the start might make things a little easier. I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it. It's not like you play for the Spirit or anything."

Tobin chuckles. "True. Ok, yeah I think you're right. So we'll go together then?"

"Only if you drive. I'm so sick of driving." Christen whines, still feeling weary from their road trip.

Tobin places a sweet kiss to Christen's forehead. "Anything for you, love."

Practice goes better than expected. They didn't have to do much explaining; as it turns out, the professional soccer world is pretty small and word had already gotten around that the two were a couple. Tobin is greeted by her new team with nothing but smiles and adoration, and Christen gets into the swing of things fairly easily too, trying to navigate the idiosyncrasies of a new team. It's a little bit of a learning curve for both of them, but it's a smooth transition that they are grateful for.

After practice, the team decides to go out to dinner to celebrate the start of a new organization and do a little "team bonding". As they sit next to each other at the long table, Christen feels a squeeze on her knee. She looks over to see Tobin smiling at her.

"What?" Christen asks, mirroring Tobin's goofy grin.

"I'm just really happy you're here with me." She says earnestly.

"Me too." Christen returns the sentiment.

"If you're gonna kiss just do it already." Someone yells from down the table.

They both laugh and lean in for a short kiss to the whoops and hollers of their new teammates. Yup, they could get used to this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have an idea for another fic but I'm still fleshing out the details so it might be a while before I upload anything, but be on the lookout.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope I haven't utterly confused or depressed you. As the story goes on, you'll get more backstory to fill in the blanks. I'm not sure how often I'll be updating, but hopefully every few days. Let me know what you think so far in the comments.


End file.
